“Good morning Amaranth,” Miss Militia greeted me as I walking into the gym. “Did you rest well?”

  “No,” I replied, shrugging as I stepped into the sparring ring with her. “It's fine.”

  They'd given me yesterday off at least, a day where I wasn't being picked at by Piggot, or Gallant, or Yamada. I spent the entire day in my room, trying to sleep, picking at scabs, mostly just passing the time that my eyes were open. Against my wishes, they were open more often than they weren't.

  Of course now, two days after getting back, I was being put to work again. It made sense, they couldn't afford to not use every pair of hands they had. Gallant still wouldn't put me on the patrol roster, and I had a feeling Piggot and Miss Militia were okay with it given my...history. They weren't actually giving me time off though, hence being in the gym at seven.

  “How are you feeling today?” Miss Militia asked, hands on her hips.

  “Tired,” I said simply. “Nothing else to it.”

  “Alright.” A beat. “I thought we would work on some holds today, ways to manipulate opponents and make them submit. How does that sound to you?”

  “Fine,” I said. “What do I do?”

  Miss Militia got started without delay, something I was glad for. Tired as I was, my brain wouldn't stop buzzing. Not with actual, coherent thoughts of course, that might be useful. No it was just a wash of fear and paranoia like a rusty bundle of steel wool dragging itself through my head. Every knock on the door made me flinch, every greeting in the hall made me cringe away. Here though, I had something else to worry about; namely figuring out how to take down assholes three times my size.

  It was a little surprising. It was clear to everyone how fucked up I was, but at least Miss Militia didn't treat me too different than normal. Her corrections were short and precise, never cruel like a drill sergeant but sharper than it had been before. I guess my grace period had run out. I had shown them that I could handle myself, in a manner of speaking. After all, I did ultimately make it back alive despite being nominated by the Slaughterhouse Nine. No more kid gloves.

  “Let's take a break,” Miss Militia said after she'd thrown me to the mat, demonstrating another hold.

  “Sure,” I replied, pushing myself up and leaving the ring.

  “I'm glad you returned,” she said as I sipped from the straw of my water bottle, stuck under the fabric of my mask, only way to drink with it. “There was a great deal of concern when you ran away.”

  “Sorry.” I wasn't sure when I'd be allowed to stop apologizing. Not yet, apparently. “Won't happen again.”

  “Apology accepted,” Miss Militia said. “I've heard rumours about why you went out there, but I'd like to hear it from you. I know you've said you were concerned for your fellow heroes, but now that you're back...”

  “You want a real answer,” I finished for her. She shook her head but I continued. “It's fine, really. The other reason I went out was to help Panacea, she'd been nominated too and I didn't manage to stop that so, yeah. Sorry for the trouble.”

  “And you brought her back,” she added after. “Brandish and Flashbang have offered their thanks.”

  “I...I'm glad they're thankful,” I said hesitantly. “Hope they're all okay.”

  “New Wave mostly remained uninjured,” Miss Militia said. “What about you?”

  “Besides the fingers?” She flinched and I sighed. “It's fine. I was pretty messed up for a while but Amy healed me. She needs help through, her hand is messed up.”

  “Panacea saw a doctor yesterday afternoon,” Miss Militia reassured me. “I can't offer details, of course, but she is being taken care of the same as any Ward. She did express a reluctance to heal any of our peoples' injuries though, do you know anything about that?” I grimaced, glad I was wearing a mask.

  “She...we had to make some stuff in the field, with her power. I think she's maybe worried that because she used her power differently, she won't be able to heal effectively right now.” Maybe there was some truth to that, but I definitely couldn't give them the real reason.

  “I suppose that makes sense.” She sighed. “It's a shame, we could use her help right now. Still, I was briefed on her creations yesterday, or the information we have at least. I can understand her...reluctance.”

  “They're just normal bugs,” I defended. “Like sure, maybe they're not natural bugs, but they still go squish. Or, well, maybe you'll need something heavier for Atlas but--”

  “Atlas?”

  “Skitter named her bug,” I explained. “The big one, obviously. Anyway like I was saying, you may need something heavier but Amy didn't make them invincible, or even dangerous. Well, not dangerous outside Skitter having them. And they'll all die soon so--”

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  “I understand, Amaranth,” Miss Militia cut me off. “Panacea has filled us in, I assure you.”

  “Oh.” I blinked. She was cooperating? Well, fuck, that would have been nice a week ago but...whatever. “Okay.”

  “Is something the matter?” I took a deep breath.

  “When's the other shoe gonna drop?” I blurted, staring at the ground.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean this doesn't make any sense,” I snapped. “I...everyone's being too nice, too reasonable. My probation is basically nothing--”

  “You were fined fifteen-thousand dollars.”

  “Money I can't use,” I countered. “And the rest is basically being a Ward. What gives? Like, I'm not confined to quarters, being charged as AWOL, nothing.”

  “The PRT isn't in the habit of confining its charges.” Miss Militia sounded offended. “Amaranth, you were fined the maximum amount possible for a non-violent breach like yours. That was a long discussion, as well as changing your quarters since you expressed concerns about living communally.”

  “It's not that bad,” I said. “Just the mattress sucks.”

  “Mmm, a shame that hasn't changed.” She shook her head, chuckling. “Please be honest though, we can't make things better if we do not know they're happening.”

  “Thanks, I...I appreciate it.” I sighed and got back into the ring. “Keep going?”

  “Certainly.”

  The next hour I spent being twisted into various positions, then replicating the effects on Miss Militia. By the end I was sore, sweaty, and exhausted, but felt better than I had in days. Miss Militia helped me from the mat one more time, then put her hands on her hips and nodded.

  “Excellent work,” she huffed. “You're a quick learner when you put your mind to it.”

  “Appreciate it.” Too bad I couldn't put my mind to it more often. “It was nice to think about something else.”

  “I often find time at the gym helps to clear my head, the range too.” She crossed her arms. “I heard you brought a firearm back from the field. You use it?” I swallowed and drew myself up.

  “I did,” I replied with confidence I didn't feel .”Against Jack. Even hit him a couple times.”

  “Good,” she said. “But remember, you're not authorized to use firearms on duty. If you do, you'd be severely punished.”

  “Lucky I wasn't on duty then,” I said dryly.

  “Lucky indeed,” Miss Militia said with a nod. “I know you have your issues with working for the Protectorate, but I hope you'll come to see it isn't all bad.”

  “Better than the alternatives,” I said with a shrug. “I'm gonna head out, thanks for the work out.”

  “Of course,” she said with a smile that narrowed her eyes. “Go rest, you have some time before your training continues this afternoon.”

  I left the gym, flanked as usual by my PRT shadow. Even though I was sore and tired, I wasn't heading back to my quarters quite yet. No, I wanted to see how Amy was actually holding up. Cooperating she may be, but I figured she was having a worse time of it than I was. Better than in the story, maybe, but that was a hell of a low bar.

  “Where are you headed?” my shadow asked after I passed the elevator. “Miss Militia said to go back to your quarters.”

  “No, she told me to go rest,” I retorted, taking a turn. “Going to see Panacea.”

  “That's not--”

  “You gonna tell me I can't see my friends?” I cut him off. “I won't be long, if you're worried about me keeping you from something pressing.”

  He didn't reply, so we continued in silence. Jesus, worse than suicide watch these guys. How was I possibly going to escape from a room that had one way out, a way he would be guarding? Well, it wasn't like he was stopping me so it didn't matter, had to just let it go. I couldn't let stupid shit get to me anymore, compromise everything I'd managed to do. I paused outside the door to my-- to Amy's apartment and took a deep breath, then knocked loudly.

  “I thought we were done for tod-- oh, Amaranth, hey.” Amy stared bashfully at the ground. “Sorry about that.”

  “It's fine,” I replied with a shrug. “Mind if I come in a sec?”

  “Uh, sure.” She glanced over my shoulder. “Are we going to have...company?”

  “He'll wait outside.” I shot him a look and he gave a brief nod. I stepped in and took a look around, nodding; they'd done some repairs. “How are they treating you?”

  “What? Fine.” She cocked her head. “Are you okay? You look exhausted.”

  “Having trouble sleeping.”

  “I know the feeling,” Amy muttered. “Anyway, that doesn't answer the question.”

  “I'm...fine,” I said. “Don't need to worry about me, it's just the Wards.”

  “Yeah and obviously it's getting to you.” She sighed and shook her head. “Would you at least come sit down for a minute?”

  “I...I don't want to be a pain,” I replied. “I really just wanted to make sure they weren't messing with you, and they're not I guess.”

  “No they've been...fine.” She hunched her shoulders. “I...I saw Glory Girl yesterday, just from down the hall. She looked...okay.”

  “Well that's good,” I said honestly. “You didn't talk to her?” Amy let out an empty huff.

  “She would have thrown me through a window if I tried,” she said without a hint of irony. “I'm not that stupid.”

  “Sorry.”

  “It's not your fault it's...mine. Just gotta deal with the consequences right?”

  “Yeah, doesn't make it easier.” There was a moment of awkward silence.

  “Thanks, Lia,” she practically whispered. “Just...thank you.”

  “It's fine,” I said quickly. “I appreciate it but really, don't...don't sweat it.” I failed you four times, after all.

  “Can...is it okay if we...” I cocked my head as she briefly opened her arms, then quickly dropped then. “No, sorry, it's fine. I don't want to bother--”

  “A hug?” I asked, and she nodded, embarrassed I supposed. “Sure.”

  “Are you su--”

  “Amy.” I lifted my arms slightly.

  She accepted the invitation, though not right away. I realized, as her arms wrapped around me, Amy was tall. Well, not tall tall, but compared to a shrimp like me... Her head could nearly rest on top of mine, and her arms were well over my shoulders. I...didn't actually mind it, weirdly. I still pulled away after a moment, shuffling back.

  “I'm going to head out,” I said, more than a little awkward. “Uh, hope they keep treating you good. See you.”

  “I um, hope the same.” Amy gave a little wave and like that I left.

  I ignored the pointed questions from my shadow and headed back to the elevator. Tired, as usual, probably try and fail to take a nap like usual. That had been...nice, I guess. I hadn't really had a hug since getting into all this shit. It was nice, though I wished I didn't reek of sweat. Alas. I said a terse goodbye to my minder, then after a brief shower where I managed just not to have a panic attack, went back to my room and collapsed on the bed.

  I stared at the far wall, waiting for sleep that may never come.