“The Lady has been poisoned!” Repeated the knight as if nobody had heard him the first time.

  The crowd gasped in unison.

  The knight dropped to one knee and examined her breathing. “Dear Lord, she’s still breathing!” The knight exclaimed in joy.

  The crowd cheered in unison.

  “But she’s still poisoned!” The knight exclaimed in horror.

  The crowd gasped in unison.

  Okay. Is anyone going to actually treat the Lady?

  A second knight, far behind, clutched his head in exasperation. “Is there a doctor in the house?!”

  A murmur swept through the crowd before three men pushed forward.

  “I am a doctor!” the first one declared, kneeling beside the Lady and grabbing her wrist. He examined her with the deepest concentration on his face. Lena audibly gulped as she stared at the droplet of water running down the doctor’s forehead.

  Why are we standing here and watching? Use this opportunity to move me to the private quarter!

  He frowned in deep concentration before his expression turned grim. He shook his head. “My Lord… This Lady doesn’t know French.”

  The crowd gasped in unison.

  The knight in front blinked. “What?”

  The “doctor” shook his head gravely. “She’s completely unresponsive to French. If I say ‘Bonjour,’ nothing. ‘Comment ?a va?’ Still nothing. This is a serious condition.”

  “What does that have to do with her being poisoned?!” the knight shouted.

  The “doctor” sniffed. “Well, excuse me for using my expertise. I happen to be a Doctor in Linguistics.”

  The knight grabbed him by the collar. “THEN WHY DID YOU STEP FORWARD?!”

  “You asked for a doctor,” he sniffed.

  Before the knight could commit a felony, the second man shoved him aside. “Step back! I’m a doctor too.”

  “Oh, thank the Heavens,” the knight sighed in relief.

  The second man adjusted his spectacles, rolled up his sleeves, and cracked his knuckles. “Oh yes, to cure or not to cure…”

  “You’re a Doctor in Philosophy, aren’t you?” The knight asked.

  “Yes.”

  The knight recoiled as if physically struck.

  The philosophy doctor nodded sagely. “Now, tell me, brave knight, what is poison, truly? If you think about it, is not life itself a slow-acting toxin?”

  While Blorbo was spectating, a quest showed up in front of him.

  [SIDEQUEST AVAILABLE—A Keen Eye (3)]

  Objective: Spot the Investigator before the Investigator spots you.

  Reward: +5 PER, Basic-level skill Poison Taste Tester, and the status effect “The Bystander”.

  Prerequisite: 20 PER (You can accept this quest).

  Failure: You will be framed for something you didn’t do.

  Accept: YES/NO

  What? Is someone going to frame me for poisoning the First Lady? Poisoning the Lady? Me? A table?!

  Wait. Poison Taste Tester? I swear… It’s going to be something dumb like ‘you can find out what type of poison it is after tasting said poison’.

  Find the investigator before he finds you. That was the quest.

  The problem? The garden was packed.

  Guests clustered around the unconscious First Lady, gasping and murmuring to one another. At least half a dozen people had pushed forward, each vying for attention. Some showed genuine concern, others clearly looking to show off their so-called expertise.

  A man who was far away from the circle fixed his collar with theatrical confidence. He had a perfectly groomed beard and wore an emerald green coat embroidered with gold. The moment he reached the circle of patrons, he loudly proclaimed, “Ah-ha! A classic case of ballroom fainting! Fetch the salts, and she shall be revived in moments!”

  Too dramatic. A real detective wouldn’t announce their presence like that.

  The third man out of the three doctors stepped forward.

  “Enough of this nonsense,” he said sternly. “I am a real doctor.”

  “Oh, finally,” the knight groaned. “Please help her.”

  The man knelt beside the Lady, checked her pulse, examined her pupils, then stood and announced, “She has been poisoned.”

  Why is everyone in this world like this…

  The knight grabbed the nearest object and prepared to throw it.

  “I just wanted to confirm,” the doctor said sagely. “As a Doctor of Medicine, I believe she needs urgent treatment.”

  “YES! EXACTLY! SO DO SOMETHING!”

  The doctor nodded. “Right. I’ll need a variety of expensive herbs, a controlled environment, and about three days to properly diagnose—”

  The knight threw him 10 silver coins. He promptly got to work, curing the Lady without expensive herbs, a controlled environment, nor three days.

  Another guest stepped in, dressed in a heavy black cloak. He wore dark gloves and had a small notebook tucked neatly into his inner pocket. Suspicious. Could this be the investigator?

  Blorbo focused. No. His hands. The gloves were pristine. Not a single ink stain. If he were a real detective, he’d have written something down by now, even just for show. A real detective would always be taking notes.

  Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

  There was a tall man near the back, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. His sharp eyes was way too calculating to be that of a non-detective. Aha! That had to be him!

  Blorbo squinted.

  Wait.

  The man was holding a half-eaten pastry.

  A real investigator wouldn’t be eating mid-crime scene! What kind of detective casually enjoyed a flaky tart while assessing a poisoning case?

  Wait. Who says the investigator can’t be a woman?

  Then, finally, a single detail caught his eye.

  A figure weaving through the crowd, moving with silent but deliberate purpose. Unlike the others, she didn’t make a show of rushing forward or gasping theatrically. She merely observed.

  Her coat had too many buttons, and in her gloved hand, she carried a small vial, dipping a brush into it with methodical precision.

  There. That’s the one.

  Before he could even fully process it, a name flashed across his vision:

  Blorbo stiffened.

  She is GARBAGE! This person is not even a full-fledged investigator; just pretending to be one. She is so garbage I can see most of her stats.

  However, there are still signs of concern. Smelling Suspicion? Oh, that can’t be good. Lena, we still need to get out of here!

  [SIDEQUEST COMPLETED—A Keen Eye (3)]

  Reward: +5 PER, Basic-level skill Poison Taste Tester, and the status effect “The Bystander”—Duration: 1h

  Cool. What does Bystander do?

  “Lena. We got to get out of here,” said Rob. “Wait. Where’s Lena?” Also said Rob.

  “Investigator Klemens!” One of the knights greeted her. “We’re fortunate to have you on the guest list. Please—”

  “Let me.” Klemens crouched beside the unconscious Lady, flourishing her cloak in a mesmerizing arc that was geometrically impossible to achieve, all the while frowning at the copper lily still clutched in her hand. She dabbed his vial’s contents onto the flower’s petals. The liquid turned deep purple.

  She lifted her gaze.

  “Poison confirmed,” she announced. “Xanthan gum.”

  What? That doesn’t sound poisonous.

  Then her eyes swept the garden.

  Blorbo froze.

  For a single, agonizing moment, he swore Klemens was looking directly at him.

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