Hello again to you, potential spectator. Still alive ? Yeah ? Me too.

  It’s been a few weeks but that’s to be expected. When you move as slowly as me, it takes some time to see enough worthwhile thingamajigs to fill a story telling session with you all.

  The major development in that I’m not stuck on babysitting duty anymore. The little siblings have grown tired of losing at tag with the rest of the forest playmates, and thus have decided that exploring the forest will be more exciting. Somthing the rest of the kids soon emulated.

  Now the forest is full of curious infants who are turning every rocks in search of shinies and claiming random spots for secret bases (regardless of if the places already had inhabitants) much to the dismay of the more mature forest residents. Which also mean that the siblings are now the problem of the adults and that I can roam as I please.

  I used my newly-found free time for some exploration of my own, trying to gauge the size of our home and starting my selection of potential future place to shape into my perfect nap fortress. It took some time, but I managed to find a stream of water cutting through the forest. And like the explorer of old, I followed it downstream (bit by bit, remember, only 4h awake per day… 8h if I’m doped on Chesto berries).

  Let me tell you, it was a weird river. Always curbing slightly in the same direction. By that point, I’m pretty sure the whole stream -and potentially the whole forest- is artificial. Not that I don’t trust in the magical nature of the pokemon world and/or the power of the Llama god to create perfect circular shapes, but I don’t think any of them would bother creating such peculiar landscape.

  The only deviation to the norm was a pond created by the barrage of a group of unknown chonky beavers. In which were chilling some Lotads and Surskits. Funny looking fellas. I just waved at them from afar because I still didn’t trusted my ability to swim as a Slakoth. I remember how tiring it was with a human body, and I don’t quite want to experience how bad it is with a magical sloth one. But still, the river continued on.

  I took note mentally of a few good spots for future naps, but the real surprise was not sleeping related. I was standing at the edge of the forest. In front of me was a lush grassland continuing until the terrain broke into hills some ten of kilometers away. The whole space cleaved in two by the river flowing through, ever bending in the same direction, until it was re-entering the forest after completing a giant semi-circle.

  I did not know who was living here, the tall grass and distance obfuscating most of the residents but the one closest to the forest’s edge. I thought about stepping into the plain to explore, but powerful bellows from afar made me reconsider entering the place without preparations. Perhaps it was parano?a and the bellows were from a herd of miltank ? Or perhaps my instincts were right and something strong roamed the grass.

  I walked back into the forest, fixed on coming back later once prepared, if only to sate my curiosity about who else was living next to us in this strange world of Pokemon.

  It took me a few days to return home to tell Momma about my plans and gather some berries for the trip.

  ? Are you sure you want to explore the plains Lars dear ? ? Momma asked me, a concerned frown on her face. ? Not all pokemon are benevolent to our species like in the forest out there, you may be the strongest out of your siblings, but I can’t help worrying… ?

  ? You can be at ease, I’ve done some preparations. ? I replied, showing her the little collection of berries I readied for the trip. ? And while I don’t plan on venturing deep in the plains, I still want to know what’s out there. You know, what if the best grass to make a pillow is in the plains ? How will I find about that without going there myself ? How can I build the perfect napping place if I miss on ressources like that ? ?

  ? You and obsession with naps… Sleeping 20h a day isn’t enough for you ? ?

  ? It is, but if it could be better if I were to do it in the comfiest place imaginable. ?

  ? *Sigh* Alright. At least try to return before next month. The season is about to change and I would prefer all of you close by when it happens. ?

  I was a bit confused by what she implied, but nodded. Momma knows best afterall.

  ? Ok. See you then. ?

  I was given a goodbye hug and was sent on my way. The trip back to plains went smoothly. I first dragged my lazy ass back to the river, and managed to pay a Buizel to take me downstream fast for only a few oran berries. My Slakoth brain still cannot understand what happened during that Aqua Jet trip… But I made it in one piece. I decided to camp at the edge of forest to recuperate from the consequences of high-speed travel before exploring the tall grass.

  The first few days were full of Scratch. Not because I was fighting, but just to blaze a trail in that stupidly thick tall grass. Thank you golden llama for not making me claustrophobic because I feel oppressed by the vegetation in here. At least my efforts were noticed and I managed to meet with some of the local residents.

  Turns out, Rattatas, Sentrets, and Zigzagoons are as common -if not more- in the plains than in the forest. They were a bit shocked to find one of my kind so far from the heart of the woods, but were welcoming enough when they learned that I was just exploring in search of bedding materials. The best one to their knowledge was fresh grass, but it is difficult to find because herds of bigger pokemon usually graze on them. Said herds are fairly protective of their patches of fresh grass too, so sharing is unlikely an option.

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  Content with this knowledge, the next days were focused on going deeper in search of the fabled fresh grass, cutting my way through vegetation like a chesto berry addict lawnmower. This continued until my nose finally picked up a different scent than cutted grass, something new, herby, and refreshing. Confident in nose, I followed the trail with newfound ardor to reach that prime pillow material. Only to cut one last bundle of plain tall grass and to find myself facing a bovine snout.

  ? Well, well, well… Look what we have here. ? the Tauros said after a few surprised seconds of silence, raising back to its full height to look at its herd. ? A little lost sloth thinking he can steal our grass. ?

  Before I fully understood what they meant, I was surrounded by the herd. They may not be as imposing as Momma, but they sure are a lot of them and they aren’t looking nice.

  ? You think that because the Master favors your line, you are free to come steal our grass ? What a shameless sloth ! ? ? Shameless ! ? ? Thief ! ? The herd shouted at him.

  ? Wha- ? I couldn’t even place one word before I was cut again.

  ? You think that you can do whatever and get away scot free because you’re a Slakoth huh ? Well too bad, we don’t like your kind around here ! ? ? That’s right ! ? ? Stupid sloth ! ? They continued with their judgement, without letting me even say hello.

  I couldn’t really do anything so I stayed there, listening to their monologues as it gradually became more and more an anger rant about me, my family, my species and whatever somehow vaguely connected to us… Which started to seriously make me lose patience. And I’m a sloth used to deal with children, patience and apathy are in my blood. So for them to make me snap is quite the feat of badmouthing.

  So I did what I do best. Rest.

  Imagine, you and your gang are try to roast a child, and that lil bastard start sleeping during your diss track ? The disrespect. That managed to shut them up so I stopped the move early to wake back up and hopefully get a turn in the discussion.

  ? Finally tired of spitting shit ? ? I said to the twenty-ish fuming bulls. ? Good, now in order. First. Hello, I’m Lars. Nice to meet you. Second. I didn’t know that this patch was already occupied, in case you haven’t noticed I’m quite short and the grass blocked my vision, so I apologized for disturbing your meal. And third. As far as I know, the fresh grass belong to everyone, not just you. So just point me to another patch if you don’t want to share this one and I’ll be out of your hooves. ?

  I let that sink in for a moment before turning to the Tauros who was leading this group and was the most vocal about his opinion on me and my species in general.

  ? And fourth. Speak like that of my family again, and I’ll shave your mane to make a butt cushion out of it. So if you don’t want to be made into an example, I suggest apologizing now and shutting the fuck up in the future. Understood ? ? I growled with surely too much venom in the tone to solve this situation peacefully. But you don’t get to insult Momma without consequences.

  They just looked at me in stunned silence. Before they started laughing.

  ? Look at him. So small and he thinks he can give us order. Hilarious. ? The Tauros chief bellowed. ? Alright kid, I’m gonna let you on something you didn’t quite understand. Might makes right here. So there is no ‘the fresh grass is for everyone’, ok ? The grass is for me first, my herd second, and the scrap for the rest of you. And if anyone have an issue with that, they are free to come and tell it to my face. ? he continued while closing the distance between us until we were face to face, his nostrils sending steam when he breathed out. ? But so far, I haven’t seen anyone. ?

  Scratch !

  ? Well then, consider this your first complaint ! ? I said as I raked my claw on his snout, making him back slighly in pain. ? And if I beat your ass, none of you are going to raise a fuss if I take some fresh grass. So do your worse you oversized grass shitter ! ?

  ? YOU LITTLE FUC-? he roared before launching me a solid 10 meters backward with a Horn Attack. ? HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT ? WHERE ARE YOUR SMARTASS COMMENTS NOW ? ?

  My answer ? snoring. Not even the move, just me sleeping. His attack was so boring that I used Rest immediatly. Ok, no that’s a lie. His attack fucking hurt, but I won’t be letting him know that. Plus, I got this new trick I wanted to try.

  ? zzzzZZzzzz I felt zzzzzzZZzZZZZ nothing… ZZZzzzzZZZz are sure you zzzZZ put power ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz into that ? ? I Sleep Talk to him. (Yes, it’s in the name. Sure, it’s helpful to use moves while asleep, but you can also just talk while sleeping. People don’t expect it).

  Even with my eyes closed, I could see the nerves on his faces twitching from the rage.

  What followed was perhaps one of the most long and one-sided fight from a spectator perspective with me being flung, pushed, crashed, trampled and much more by an increasingly furious Tauros.

  ? HORN ATTACK ! ? ? TACKLE ! ? ? TRASH ! ? ? RAGING BULL ! ? ? DOUBLE KICK ! ? ? STOMPING TANTRUM ! ? ? IRON HEAD ! ? ? BODY SLAM ! ? and the list of the moves he threw at me goes on.

  In a fair fight, I would have lost 100% of the time. But this wasn’t a fair fight. He was fighting someone on his way to master Advanced Sleeping. Any attack too strong ? Endure, then Rest. Cannot avoid attacks while sleeping ? That’s okay, Sleep Talk to spam Defense Curl and Slack Off. Bit of a lull to ctach your breath because Tauros is running out of stamina ? Eat a Leppa berry and use Snore. Tauros tries to excuse himself from the fight by saying that I don’t fight back ? Throw a small Taunt his way to embarass him in front of his herd.

  I was playing the long game, he could ragdoll me around the plains all he wanted, I was resting faster than he could faint me ! And against someone used to quick clash of raw strenght like Tauros, it was clearly super effective at sapping his strenght ! It didn’t help Tauros that he only seemed to knew how to run at full speed and nothing else.

  Despite all that, it still took dozens of minutes for the bull to finally fall to the ground, Struggling himself to unconsciousness, absolutely spent trying to beat a sloth who just refused to faint no matter how much he threw at it.

  Victory in hand, I opened my eyes, pretended everything was fine (wrong, everything fucking hurts. Resting keep you fighting longer but doesn’t negate the pain completely), shaved a good patch of Tauros mane as promised, gathered some of that fresh grass that caused me so much trouble in the first place, and started my journey back home. Leaving behind me that collective of grass munching assholes still too shocked about their leader to do anything worth my attention.

  ? That pillow better be good because I’m not dozing through that again. ?

  Known Lars movepool :

  -> Defensive Sleeping : Slack Off, Yawn

  -> Offensive Sleeping : Snore

  -> Defensive Sleeping : Rest

  -> Offensive Sleeping : Sleep Talk

  -> Defensive : Defense Curl

  -> Offensive : Scratch

  -> Other : Taunt