Hey!

  Quick quetion. What happens to you after you die ? I know, tricky debate. Perhaps I should have followed a bit during those mandatory hours of Philisophy 101 in uni instead of sleeping in the back.

  Why am I asking ? Well Captain Obvious, take a guess. Passive-aggressiveness aside. It was burnout. The world was getting kinda fucked up, and when your life is just a number on an excel sheet for some giant retail company... Yeah. Double shift after double shift, mandatory presence to replace those that dropped because they couldn't follow the ever increasing pace of orders, turning to ever more so dangerous substances just to keep up with the flow of things, and more. And more. And always more demanded out of you.

  Pretty sure my heart stopped at some point. Just not sure when. Was it when I stopped living to work instead. Or after that 53rd daily cup of coffee during the end of the year holidays rush.

  Anyway... I'm free now. And turns out that, for me, my afterlife is a infinite white space. If I wasn't already dead, I would have said that some psycho is trying some sensory deprivation torture on me or some other weird shenanigans because someone corporate read a buzzfeed article on how such methods would boost productivity in employees.

  But I'm dead, so I guess I can finally relax. Good thing they call it the eternal sleep because I have a lot of that to recuperate. Not that I could do anything else alone in the white void.

  ...

  "[AHEM!]"

  !!!

  What was that ? Someone(?) just broke the silence of my well deserved sleep. The word resonated with the whole realm of into my non-corporeal bones. Do I still have bones ? I can't picture myself having a body in this space. So am I just a counsciousness ? Do counsciousness have bones ? Mind-bones ?

  "[You are very loud for a dead soul.]"

  ???

  You are talking to me ? I don't know who you are, but first of all, rude. This is my empty white space and I was trying to take a nap. Second, how can I talk to you when I don't have a mouth anymore ? Mind-mouth ? Third, I haven't thought of a third... And fourth, show yourself ! Just because I lack the form to do it myself mean you can sneak up on me like that without me being aware of who you are !

  "[Very loud indeed. But sure, I'll play along.]"

  In an instant, my empty white space wasn't so empty anymore. There was something ? No. Someone with me. A presence so heavy that made me choking my non-existent lungs out. Mind-lungs ? Its form a beacon pulling my existence near to them so that I could gaze upon their absolute, perfect, shapes.

  "[To answers your questions. I am God! So you are the rude one. This realm is mine to begin with. I am reading your mind. And behold my divine self !]"

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  Huh. So God is a weird llama stuck in a golden fence ? Damn, if people knew back home, there would be riots.

  "[... You don't know who I am ? Weird, your people usually recognized me at a glance.]"

  Well, sorry ? Kinda been too busy to attend church lately. Does that mean I'm going to hell for blaspemy ?

  "[No. No, you are not. Don't worry. Kinda refreshing to find one like you nowadays. Most people just get staright on their mind-knees and start to pray usually. Meeting someone absolutely unbothered by and unaware of God is quite amusing.]"

  Ah! Mind-knees. Nice. So, what will happen to me now ?

  "[Well, at first, I wanted to just throw you back into the reincarnation cycle like I do with 99.999% of the anomalies I encounter here. But you kinda made my day just a little bit funnier. So if you have a simple wish for your next life, perhaps I'll give you a small Helping Hand.]"

  Damn, I just died. And I can't even profit from some sweet sleep, I have to go back to living already... Hmmm... Can I wish for a lot of free time to rest to catch up on my previous life lack of it ?

  "[That's... Unusual. But sure. Doable.]"

  Also, kinda weird how you capitalize 'Helping Hand' in my mind.

  "[You will get used to it.]"

  What? I don't like how smug you sounded saying that.

  "[Time's up. I look forward how you will live your new existence. Have fun!]"

  ---

  And everything faded to black. My empty white-now-black void also feels a lot more restrictive than before. I am surrounded by a wall it seems.

  How do I know that it is a wall you say ? Well, I did a check-up of my mind-body during my time alone after my talk with God. And it turns out it is not that 'mind' anymore. Good news, I have two legs, two arms, and a head. No feathers, so I am a man. Sad news, I seem to have two claws per limb instead of fingers and I am in a dire need of a shave.

  Content with my self-evaluation, I decided to explore my new black void. Only to crash my new face on the previously mentionned wall, proving definitely that both myself and the limits of my prison are solid and real... and not the result of cracks in my mental state.

  Talking about cracks... My head was hard enough to make some on the wall. It only costed me a new headache. But now that I know that I can get outside, my curiosity is taking over the pain.

  One headbutt. An extra crack. Two headbutts. Another one. Headbutt. More fissures. Headbutt. Headbutt. Headbutt. Headbutt. Headbutt. Headbutt. Headbutt. Headbutt... I am dizzy, my forehead is on fire, but I'm so close. I can almost taste the fresh air. One more.

  *CRACK*

  I'm out !! Everything is spinning. The lights are blinding me for a moment as I try to regain a sense of where is up and where is down. I feel someone grabbing me and holding me up. Finally my vision clear. And I'm face to face with what I can only describe as the biggest gorilla-orangutan-sloth-bear I have ever seen.

  Before I get the chance to scream in surprise, I get a slice of a weird blue orange-like fruit shoved into my mouth. For some reasons I can't quite explain, it immediatly calmed me down and I am left nibbling the fruit in silence for a bit. Done with my slice, I decided to look up again at my captor(?). Catching my gaze, they finally speak in a strangely feminine voice.

  "The Oran berry trick always work, right? Prevents babies from crying after they broke out of the egg. Although I must say, you decided to hatch quite early. I wasn't expecting you so soon and your brothers and sisters won't be out for another few days."

  Oran berry ? Why does that sound familiar ? And why do I feel so full ? I only had a single slice of fruit but I feel like I ate an entire buffet ? Digestion is kicking in, and I feel more sluggish with every seconds passing...

  "I guess you're lucky, you will have momma just for yourself for a while. I'll make sure you grow into a fine Slakoth. First lesson out of the egg, how to take a nap. Do not worry You are safe with me, just let yourself go." she said, slowly lulling me to sleep.

  Eyes closing. Mind drifting. Slowly slipping back into uncounsciousness. I thought 'Slakoth... Oran Berry... Wait, am I a pokemon now ?' before falling to the sweet embrace of my so sought-after sleep.