Chapter 223 – The Weight of Accepting Feelings

  Nathan Evenhart:

  I woke up that m with a lingering heaviness in my heart, though the versation I’d had with my mother had eased some of the guilt ing me. I didn’t want to repce Helen. I bmed myself for having the ce to experieh someone else what I had loo share with her—somethih desired but could never achieve.

  I lifted my gaze to the sky, feeling the gentle breeze against my face.

  "You will always be my first love, and I’ll never fet you. I know your soul was erased from existence, but if, by some miracle, you’re still out there somewhere... I hope you five me." I whispered to the wind, as though my words might somehow reach her in some distant pce. "I wish I could say this to you in person, but I know that wherever you are, I’m not worthy of being in the same pce."

  I looked down at my hands and summoned a small bubble of water. Watg its fragile form, I let it trickle through my fingers, falling softly onto a sunflower at my feet.

  "Let these drops represent the tears I ’t bring myself to shed for you. I’m sorry, Helen... but if I allow eveear to fall now, I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop."

  I closed my eyes for a moment, feeling the emptiness withi also the resolve to keep moving forward. In this world, there were people I o see—people I oologies to. I o atone for nnizing the depth of the love surrounding me, for failing to appreciate how much I was cared for.

  "Chloe, Kinue, Cyl..." I murmured to myself as their names drifted through my thoughts. Each of them, in their own way, had pced their affe in my hands, and I, blinded by the scars of my past, had failed to see it.

  "I’ll make things right. I promise."

  ***

  I sat at the academy’s entrance, head lowered, letting the storm of thoughts e my mind. The fusion of emotions grew heavier with each passing moment, making even the simple act of breathing feel burdensome. I o apologize. To all three of them.

  My mother had left the day before with Cyl, Martha, and the maids. I had refused to go with them. I needed solitude—a moment to sort through my thoughts and offer my apologies to Helen, at least in spirit. Over the past few days, I had barely seen Cyl. She set; that much was clear. She had always been more perceptive than I liked to admit. Perhaps, after witnessing my argument with Chloe, she uood something I was still trying to deny: I could never return the love she had for me.

  Cyl knew more about my past than anyone else. She uood the shadow of Helen that lingered over me and never brought it up, respeg the depth of the pain it caused me. She had always known that, despite everything, I wasn’t ready to move on. Maybe that’s why she had been so unfortable seeing Chloe on the verge of fessing. Watg that moment likely saddened her, even though she had uood the truth from the beginning.

  The truth was, I still wasn’t ready to let go of Helen. And, if I were ho with myself, I might never be.

  But I also khat, in this world, there were people who saw me as their sun. People who depended on me in ways I could no lnore. Cyl, Chloe, Kinue... each of them had ected to me in ways I couldn’t fully reciprocate. Yet, that didn’t mean I should shut myself off from them entirely. I o apologize to each of them. It was a debt I owed, and at that moment, I felt the weight of those unspoken words. Apologies were the least I could give them.

  I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to love again, but I want to try—step by step—with them by my side.

  I took a deep breath. Being human again wasn’t easy.

  “You look like garbage,” a familiar voiapped me out of my thoughts.

  Looking up, I saw my teacher aor in magic, Adrihna. The High Elf who had taught me to harness my special eyes and master mana as a summoner. She had beore than just a teacher—I saw her as a close friend.

  “Am I really that bad?” I asked, standing up slowly.

  “I don’t know. It might not even be bad enough for breaking the sweet heart of my adorable fox girl,” she replied, catg me off guard.

  “I... I’m on my way to fix it.”

  Adrihna stepped closer and, in a swift motion, pulled me into a tight hug before flig me on the head.

  “You better. Or I’ll have to tug your ears like your mother does,” she said, letting me go. I knew I was in the wrong, so I accepted her little scolding.

  “Nathan, this is for you,” she said, pulling a small box from her ste bracelet and handing it to me.

  “What’s this?” I asked, eyeing it suspiciously.

  “A box of chocotes. I was going to give it to you that day, but after that argument... well, we didn’t cross paths. It’s some human tradition in this city for women to give chocotes to friends or something. I still doirely get the .”

  I looked at her and ended up ughing.

  “I think that tradition’s meant for younger girls, not... 200-year-old grandmas.”

  Naturally, Adrihna flicked my head again.

  “I might be almost 200, but I’m still young aiful! Did you know I got three marriage proposals from noblemen iy just this week?”

  “Puys...” I muttered as I began walking alongside her.

  “Look who’s talking,” she said, stopping to gre at me. “The guy who hurt the hearts of two girls who love him. Are you sure you didn’t i the fw of our race—being incapable of feeling love?”

  “All right, all right... I’ll stop teasing you about ye. Waving the white fg here—don’t hit me again.”

  She adjusted her monocle, ughing. “We’re agreed then. o rub salt in each other’s wounds.”

  Adrih out a soft ugh that made me curious.

  “What’s so funny?” I asked.

  “You humans are far too plicated with your emotions. If you like someone, why not just be with them? If it’s e to the point where a High Elf has to give you retionship advice, things are really a mess, Nathan,” she said, giving me a light pat on the shoulder.

  We stopped in front of a carriage—ohat, iingly, had no horses.

  “You’re actually giving me a ride to the Royal Capital?” I asked.

  “Of course. One of my main duties is solving all your problems. Someday, I’ll expily why. I’ll drop you off at the Underground Transport Port, and from there, I’ll head to the Elven Kingdom.”

  I stepped into the carriage and sat beside her.

  “Why are you going to the Elven Kingdom? I thought you’d take a break and enjoy your vacation.”

  Adrihna snapped her fingers, and the carriage began moving—most likely pulled by her summoned golem horses.

  “I’m heading to the Elven Kingdom for a meeting with the elders and the king. I’ll be w through my time off, all thanks to a certain boy who’s guilty of being half-human and high half-elf. Know this boy?” she teased, flig my forehead with a smirk.