“Wait...Arturian Kilgor died forty or so years ago,” I pointed out, remembering reading about it. “He was assassinated for his work.”
“Is that what they taught you at the university?” Nanya asked, curiously.
“...yes,” I admitted, confused.
“Well, the date is probably correct. I was pregnant for a good many years. I didn't really know when I would finally give birth, because it was untested.”
“Gods do not give birth to other gods?” I questioned.
“Rarely. Most gods were created by the Ancients, not birthed. In any case, I was pregnant by a man who was not a god. In total, I carried you in my womb for nearly sixty years. As soon as I could get a seer to come here and tell me who the father was, I did so. I sent a messenger out to your father to give him the news and tell him I was going to adopt you out. The messenger came back to me and told me your father insisted on taking you. He felt you would get magical abilities from him and wanted to raise you as his own.”
“Why didn't he, then?” I asked, saddened. To know my biological father had wanted me and was now dead was extremely upsetting. All I'd ever wanted was a parent who wanted me.
“Well, first of all, the messenger said that the man was human. In the thirty something years it had been since I'd seen him, he had aged tremendously and was partially into his old age. I did not know when I would give birth to you. I could not promise him anything, and I knew that wouldn't sit well with him. He was a man who sought answers. I knew he would become a thorn in my side.” She paused. “Also, the other gods were angry with me for being pregnant. If I had the baby, and they knew about it, they would come to kill you. I couldn't have Arturian going around bragging about how you were a half-breed with the blood of a god.”
I didn't like what I was hearing. “But they knew you were pregnant. They knew you were going to have me.”
“Yes, but they thought I would kill you as an infant. I have never had any qualms about killing others who became nuisances, and the others knew I wanted no children. It was a given I would kill you. Speaking of which, I had your father killed.” She glanced at Nyx. “By an Alderi not dissimilar to yourself.”
I swallowed hard. “You had him assassinated? And for wanting me?”
“I did him a service, Kai,” Nanya retorted. “The man was old and decrepit. He was going to die before long, anyway, and I didn't give birth to you for another twenty years. He would have spent the rest of his miserable life wanting answers I could not give him.”
I knew she had a point, but I was too upset to really acknowledge it. I could not cry for my father, because I did not know him; instead, I felt distraught and conflicted, and found yet another thing to resent my mother for.
“Why didn't you just kill me, then?” I asked. “Why did you have me and send me to Sera?”
Nanya shrugged and smiled. “Because I wanted to see what would happen,” she replied, simply.
“...that's it?”
“Yes. I was admittedly proud over the fact that I was the only god to ever breed with a mortal, and I didn't know what to expect of you. I figured Arturian was right, that you would have magical abilities like he did. So I sent one of my servants to Sera with you, where he hired a mercenary to take you from the city to the university steps. Then, I waited.” She paused. “To answer your question on how I know so much about you, I have had servants and messengers relaying messages to me of your upbringing your entire life. I knew we were in for some trouble when you found out you could wield all elements when you were fourteen. You had Arturian's abilities, but it seemed as though they were amplified by my superior blood. Word slowly went out to the gods, who put two and two together and realized you were my child.”
“So they decided to have me assassinated,” I said.
“Well, yes, but given your position in Sera, that is harder to do than they anticipated. They sent messengers to Sera, warning Sirius that if he didn't kill you, he would incur the wrath of the gods.”
My heart skipped a beat. “My father Sirius?”
“Yes, dear. So when you were sixteen, Sirius hired the Alderi to assassinate you.”
Time seemed to slow. My heart pounded so hard that it throbbed in my ears, feeling as if it was rattling my head. In my brain, I was connecting dots, following timelines. I turned to Nyx, who looked just as shocked as I. “My father hired you.”
Nyx looked taken aback. “Your father hired the Alderi, Kai. They just picked me for the job. I had no idea. They never told us the client. Only the target.”
Nanya's eyebrows were raised when I turned back to her. “My, my. You keep odd company.”
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Nyx told my mother of our connection, before turning back to me, noticing I was still quiet. “Kai, if I knew your father was the one who put the hit on your head, I would have said something. You know how much I hate him.”
“I don't doubt you, Nyx. It is my...” I trailed off. I had almost said father, but given the new information, that left a sour taste in my mouth. “It's Sirius's actions that have me quiet.” My friend visibly exhaled with relief beside me, having been distraught by thoughts of me loathing her. I tried to focus back on my mother. “I don't understand, though. When Nyx failed to assassinate me, he threw her in prison and hired Silas as my bodyguard. Why would he do that, if he wanted me dead?”
“He wanted you dead for a time,” Nanya replied. “I don't know everything about your adoptive father save for what I have been told by those who have come across him. What I do know is that the attempt failed, obviously, and Sirius was angry at the loss of gold. Either he told the other gods to do it themselves, or he told them to fuck themselves, because I haven't heard him attempt to hire anyone again. Rumors say he uses you as a bargaining chip for Sera, however.”
I frowned. “How so?”
“You were the most powerful weapon in his arsenal, my dear, and one that cannot be replicated. In Chairel's talks with the other countries, your name has been thrown around as a benefit to allies, among other things. Since you were fourteen, Sirius has risen to be Queen Edrys's favorite regent, and simply because he has you.”
“Had,” I corrected, in anger.
“Yes, well...” Nanya trailed off, and then narrowed her eyes. “What did you tell him about your coming here?”
“I told him nothing. I just left. He would have eventually found out where I was headed, because I told my brother.” Terran. My heart ached with longing. How I missed him, and how I wished I could give him the information I had now.
“Be careful, daughter. I do not know whether Sirius would look to capture you or kill you, but I do know he would want to be in control of the situation either way.”
I nodded. It seemed like my quest to find a loving parent had only made me realize the parental figures in my life were all terrible. Except for Arturian, I thought. But he was dead.
“Tell me what I need to know about having your blood,” I said, next. Now that I knew the truth about my background and the man I'd always called father, I needed to know what I was capable of if I was going to do anything about it.
“Ah. Well, given you are a half-breed of the type which has never been seen before, I don't know for certain. I do know you will have a much longer life than any human, but as you do have half human blood, you won't live nearly as long as the gods. I already know that by looking at you.”
“I think I look twenty-one,” I replied, because that was how old I was. Nanya was making it seem like I looked older for my age.
“Yes, you look it. I am six hundred and two, child, and it took me sixty years just to look fully grown.” Nanya hesitated. “Of course, elves come to maturity within twenty or so years like humans, and have longer lifespans. I guess we never know, do we?”
“How old do you expect me to reach before old age?” I asked her.
“I would guess six hundred or so. I expect to reach nearly two thousand years old, and it looks like you're aging at three times my rate. Like I said, though, a guess.” Nanya shrugged.
Six hundred. The possibilities that came to my mind then with all of the time I hadn't known I had were varied and exciting. It should have occurred to me the day before that my lifespan had to have been longer, given my mother's youth, but maybe it was just too much for my brain to handle, considering all of the life changes I was going through. A burden the size of Arrayis seemed to lift off of my shoulders. I didn't have to worry anymore about which day would be my last, simply for living normally and doing my job.
“There is one last thing I think we should discuss, daughter,” Nanya went on, when I had been too lost in my thoughts. “I feel I already may know your answer, but in my letter I mentioned that you had possibilities open to you.”
I nodded, though the letter was so vague in my memories now. I did remember that most of the letter dealt with my powers, and not with the fact that we were mother and daughter separated by distance. The tone of it made sense, now. I was sitting right next to my mother, but the distance between us didn't seem to be any shorter.
“You have the abilities of a god, Kai. You may have human blood, but you also have mine.” She looked over me for a moment. “You have my eyes...the eyes of a god. For all I know, you are but a mistake of nature from two vastly different races, but it matters not, because you are here, and there is only one like you. As far as I am concerned, you are a god. I say that not because you are my daughter, but because I know of your powers.”
I stayed quiet, waiting for her to finish. I had no doubt I was more than human now, but I did not place such importance on my bloodline. I was used to wielding the six elements; it wasn't like knowing why would suddenly change how I thought of myself or my powers.
“Because you are a half-breed, the other gods want you eradicated. What you are and what you signify defies one of the greatest laws of our kind. I have faith, however, that they may yet be reasoned with.”
“What are you suggesting?” I asked, because I certainly had no idea how to reason with gods. It was hard enough to find one, let alone tell them apart from the crowd.
“I am suggesting that you join us, child,” Nanya replied, as if it were obvious. “Together, we could perhaps convince them to leave you be.”
“How can I join you? I am already one of you, by your own words.”
“You have our blood running through your veins, nothing more. I do not pretend to know what you intend to do with your life, but anything more than a quiet and peaceful life will anger the gods. We do not live like mortals. If you were to live with me, here, or even create your own home somewhere peaceful, perhaps they will see that effort as making amends.”
I couldn't help but feel a little insulted. “I have no need to make amends. I have done nothing to them. If they are angry with me for simply existing, they can come down from their high horses and fight me themselves.”
Nanya sighed. “Were you named Kai for your ability to wield fire or your disposition? All you think of is fighting.”
“No, I simply accept it as a necessity in this world. If the gods were arrogant enough to sit comfortably at home while convincing the man who raised me to attempt to assassinate me, I am not the one who needs to make amends. If they were to ever try to come and finish the job, I will defend myself. Something tells me they will be too lazy to do anything about it.”
“Think twice. There are gods who live secretly among the mortals and would come for you in a heartbeat.”
“That's fine. Let them.”
Nanya looked away, back toward the mid-morning sky. “As you wish. You won't be staying here, then, I imagine. Tell me: what is it that you will do now?”
I watched my mother's face with an even stare. “Whatever it is I wish to,” I replied. “I won't go into details with you, for I know if the gods want me dead and blame you for my existence, you have the incentive to help them find me.”
Nanya turned to face me once more, a smile pulling up one side of her sultry lips. “You have come to know me so quickly, daughter.”
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