-Laura’s POV-

  For someone still grappling with his own sense of guilt, I was envious of Tristan’s resolve. That he had so swiftly come up with a plan like this for my sake was a blessing that I could not repay in a million years. Though yes, I was worried about the end result, about whether or not Enzo’s phone would have been shattered if Tristan hadn’t caught the device, as well as the potential fallout, I was mostly onboard with the idea after I’d ruminated for a moment.

  It did feel bad deceiving him, even if he was Enzo, but if this was how Tristan wanted to do this then I decided to trust him..

  “How did I drop my phone like that? Hey, you saw that right?”

  Enzo posed me the question, but I only looked him dead in his eyes. I could sense his fury, but once I met it head on, he ended up redirecting his gaze to the ground and sucking his teeth.

  “Whatever, I’ll figure it out later. For now, I’m gonna cave that guy’s fucking face in!” Enzo twisted his body away from the window and stormed off towards the door.

  “Wait,” I called out.

  His large back came to a halt when his hands had gripped the doorknob. “What do you want?”

  I lowered myself onto the bed he was seated in earlier and folded my legs neatly. “Are you a Christian, Enzo?”

  “Huh?” His head whipped over in my direction. “Yeah, ‘course I am. I’m confirmed n’ everything. What’s it to you?”

  “Then you should be familiar with the rite of penance; that all mortal sins must be confessed before they’re forgiven.”

  The boy before me smiled as if amused by my words. “Oh? Are you going to try to make me confess, Laura?”

  I shook my head. “No, I’m going to confess before you.”

  “Oh, really?” The boy took his hand off the knob. His eyes were dyed with a morbid curiosity as he twirled to face me. “I appreciate that you would trust me after everything, but why?”

  “Because we’re not friends, and I don’t have to worry about how you feel about me. Because you understand the situation deeply. Is there anything else you would like to know?”

  “Nah, that’s fine. I really do appreciate it. Go ahead.”

  With a nod, I grabbed my handbag and flipped it over next to me on his bed, where an assortment of items spilled out of the bag. Kitchen knives of different sizes, pliers, pepper spray, scissors, a boxcutter, a stapler, a small container of liquid bleach. Everything I could think of grabbing when I visited my parents’ house yesterday was jam packed into my tiny handbag.

  When I returned my eyes to his face, his smile was gone. The last remnants of his amusement slowly melted before me as he now flashed what was a face of bewilderment and fear. The reaction was, to me, a bit baffling. If a strange man came into my room and brandished similar items, I might be fearful for my life too. But he was the one who invited me here, no?

  “Why…” he muttered.

  “Why, I wonder.”

  I was studying the edge of the large kitchen blade I had picked up before I realized it. I rotated it in my hand and admired its sharpness. Mom would often use it to prepare tough meat, so I could vouch for the blade’s potency.

  “I wonder if it’s because, as of two nights ago, the Laura Young that I tried so hard to be had been murdered beneath those white sheets.” I paused, bringing the blade closer to my face. “I had run from sin for so much of my life that, when such a grand punishment befell me for finally acquiescing to my own desires, it felt like I had been forsaken. Cast down. Like… I was being thrown aside for forgetting my faith. That there was no redemption for me.”

  “You don’t need to go that far, dude.” Enzo smiled anxiously while waving his hands. “God forgives all sins.”

  “It’s not about whether or not God can forgive me. It’s about whether or not I can forgive myself; about whether or not I’m even worthy of being forgiven anymore.” I lowered the blade, dragging the tip of the blade across his bed sheet gently. “I pondered… and eventually I found that my guilt was consuming me. It was consuming far too much for me to make any rational decisions. All I wanted was to hurt the people who harmed me. At first, I thought it’d only be Jake, but then Tristan told me what my brother was put through at the hands of Zoey, and how you were the one who sent her the video.”

  “W-well, I didn’t. I’m just getting wrapped up in all of this just like you are. I’m a victim, technically.”

  “A victim.” I allowed the blade to plop onto the bed, and I picked up the scissors. “Is that why you sounded so indifferent and smug about what I was put through? Is that why you were so interested in viewing the video for yourself?”

  He clicked his teeth and looked away. “I’m going to call campus security in here if you don’t behave yourself.”

  “Why? Am I scaring you?” I snipped the scissors twice.

  “You’re being a crazy bitch right now.”

  “Yeah, I guess I am crazy.” I dropped the scissors twice and picked up the box cutter, sliding the blade out into the world with a continuous click. “I’ve always been told that the way I am is not normal. That I’m too kind, that I give too much, that I’m too much of a stickler for rules. But you know, I’ve always thought that, if everyone in the world thought the way that I think, then there wouldn’t be any reason for conflict. We’d all just be kind to one another, and we’d stay out of each other’s ways.”

  I glanced at Enzo, who was visibly trembling now.

  “Why are you so scared? You’re a man and a football player. You could easily overpower me if I came at you.”

  “That’s… that’s not how it works, though.”

  “Yeah, I guess it isn’t.” I relaxed my shoulders into a sigh. “But still, I will admit, you’re not remotely as guilty as Jake and Zoey. You’re not the executioner; you’re just the man in the stands with a bag of popcorn and a face full of sadistic glee. I’m aware of as much. You don’t deserve an executioner’s punishment.”

  “D-don’t do anything stupid, okay? Y-you’re gonna get arrested if you do anything stupid.”

  “Stupid? No, I’m not stupid Enzo, I’m crazy. Remember? It’s not that I lack the circuitry, it’s that all the wires are scrambled. And right now, all I can think and feel is anger. Anger and rage at your callousness from earlier.”

  “If I hurt you…” he started. “It’ll be self-defense, you know? I won’t get in trouble for it.”

  “And that suits me fine. Like I said, I already died two nights ago.”

  I stood up from the bed, and he jumped back in surprise.

  “Get back… get the fuck back.”

  I tilted my head. “What?” I looked down at the box cutter that was still in my hand. “Oh, this? No, don’t misunderstand. I’m not going to hurt you. But I will need you to sit down on that bed over there.” I pointed at the bed on the side of the room he was standing on. “You’re making me nervous.”

  “No. I’m not going to. I’m going to leave, okay? I’m…”

  I extended the blade a tiny bit more, and the clicking echoed throughout the room. “Are you… sure about that?”

  He paused to contemplate his choices, and decided that it would be best to take a seat.

  “Now, call Krista and tell her that you’re breaking up with her.”

  “What the fuck? You can’t be serious.”

  “I promise you that I’m being serious. In the next minute or two, Tristan is going to come into this room with your phone. I’m going to have him call Krista, and when she answers, you’re going to break up with her and say you’ve found someone… prettier, more mature. Whatever you prefer.”

  He looked down. “That’s going to hurt her, you know. She’s already been through a lot with your asshole brother. She…”

  “That’s okay. Regardless of how terrible Larry was to her, she deserves much better than you.”

  Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.

  He looked like he had something to say, but he decided to shut down and bite his lip. There was some uncertainty in me concerning whether he’d accept the demand, but for the time being, his fear had overridden his feelings for Krista. I pulled the blade of the box cutter back into its sheath and tossed it back over at the bed as I took a seat next to my pile of dangerous items.

  “Are you going to hurt Jacob too?” he asked.

  If only he knew, I thought. And as I contemplated answering him, the footsteps drawing near from outside stopped at the door.

  “Laura, are you in there?” the voice asked, sounding slightly concerned.

  “Open the door, then walk right back to the bed,” I said to him. “Don’t say a word, don’t take the phone, don’t even look at him.”

  “Fucking crazy bitch,” Enzo muttered before standing up and slowly walking to the door. Once he’d unlocked and opened it slightly, he scoffed then walked back over to the bed.

  “Uh, I came to give you back your phone…” Tristan started, before turning to the other side of the room. “Laura?”

  His eyes fell to the pile of dangerous objects next to me, then to me, then back to the deflated Enzo on the bed from earlier. I could only imagine what he was thinking now.

  “Call Krista and hand him the phone,” I said.

  He furrowed his brows. “Why?”

  “I’m going to have him break up with her.”

  “… Why?”

  “You know why. You heard what he said earlier. He deserves to be punished.”

  “Laura,” he started, his face scrunched in pain. “I don’t understand. I…”

  I had been holding myself together so well yesterday and today that he had no idea, did he? He had no idea just how far gone I was after what had happened.

  “It was either that or hurting him Tristan,” I said, picking up the pair of scissors from earlier and twirling them with a single finger. “I think this is the less painful option, don’t you?”

  “But… no Laura, you don’t understand. It’s still gonna hurt. It’s gonna hurt both of… them.”

  At his words, I shrugged. “Yeah, I will feel sorry for Krista. She doesn’t deserve to get her heartbroken twice. But I doubt that this guy loves her as much as he leads her on to believe.”

  Tristan’s face recoiled. Were my words that harsh? I wonder what they sounded like to him? To me, everything only makes perfect sense. He was about to be complicit in some terrible revenge plot involving explicit images of mine. He was not innocent by any means. But rather than accepting my words, the boy only closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them once more with a renewed strength. “Enzo.”

  “What do you want, dude?”

  “Take your phone and leave. I’ll calm her down.”

  I couldn’t believe the words I’d just heard, nor what I was witnessing. It stood in contrast to everything about the mood I’d set in the room. And the worst part was, the only way to change things would be to confront Tristan, something I hadn’t wanted to do after what he’s done for me these past few days.

  But why? Why was he doing this? Why did he call Enzo over towards him like that? Why did he hand him back his phone so freely? Why did he allow him to walk through the door scot-free after everything we’d been though?

  Once the door closed behind him, Tristan took a deep breath, then faced me. “Laura, listen. I know you’re hurt right now, but…”

  But when he started with those words, it all clicked in my head.

  “Ah, I get it,” I said. “You’re a culprit too.”

  “I… I’m a what?”

  “With Dream Paralysis. You knew that Jake and I were going to… that’s why you were there. You wanted to be there. Maybe Jake doesn’t know about your power, but Zoey does, right? So you got her to tell you, so you could…”

  I felt myself getting sick. It’s like there were little insects inside my abdomen crawling around. It sent shivers through my body. Why? Why was this happening?

  “Laura no, you don’t understand. I didn’t want to be there.”

  “Then why were you?!”

  “I already told you, I wanted to protect you from him!”

  I picked up the kitchen knife then stood up. “And how… do I know you’re not lying?”

  Unlike Enzo, Tristan didn’t flinch. He stood resolutely, with a stern expression I hadn’t seen him wear before. “After what happened with Gwen, I thought the world was ending. I felt like I’d betrayed someone who actually cared about me the way I cared about them. It really hurts to hurt someone so kind. I never wanted to do anything like that again.”

  I walked towards him. “Laura, it’s okay. I’m here to help you.”

  “And what if I don’t want your help?” I stopped in front of him, lifting the knife up to my face.

  “Then I’ll accept that too.” He smiled. “Maybe I deserve that kind of ending. But…”

  He reached out towards me and wrapped me in his arms. “At the very least, I want you to stop lying to yourself. You’re not the kind of person who would hurt others like that.”

  “What? What are you doing? Let go of me. I’ll…”

  Why was he hugging me? I’d just walked over to him with a knife. I could... Why was his guard so low around me? Why was he accusing me of lying to myself?

  “You haven’t once considered hurting either Enzo or myself since coming in here, have you?”

  “Huh?”

  Why was he saying this?

  Why was he talking as if he knew me deep down?

  Why was…

  Ah, wait. This person, he knows exactly who I am deep down, doesn’t he? With that power of his? Then… wait. Does that mean… I really wasn’t going to hurt anyone…?

  “I know how you feel Laura. I know it sounds like nonsense when people say that normally, but I’ve felt it. I still feel it right now. I know there’s a part of you that’s so hurt that it wants to lash out at everyone and everything around you. I’ll probably understand that better than anyone you’ll ever meet. And that’s why I’m going to do my best to help you through this. That’s why I refuse to let you do something that’ll just make it feel worse than it does now.”

  “What do you mean you’ll help me through this? What are you talking about Tristan? We only just started talking a few days ago, I…”

  He held onto me more tightly. “I’m really sorry that it happened, Laura. You didn’t deserve that. It couldn’t have happened to a kinder person, and for that I’m so, so sorry.”

  I felt the knife slip from my grasp and clatter onto the floor. My entire body must have been hoisting itself up through sheer grit. Everything inside me that had hardened since Sunday was slowly melting away into a malleable goo in his arms.

  “But… I did deserve it. I betrayed my faith, and that was my punishment. I lost him. I lost him Tristan, and I’ll never… I’ll never find someone like him again.”

  Why did this happen?

  He was fun to talk to.

  He was always looking out for me.

  He was such a charming person.

  He was…

  He was my first love.

  And he betrayed me and ruined my life.

  When will I ever find someone like that again?

  “You can be forgiven, Laura. You are worthy of it. You deserve to be forgiven. I’m not exaggerating when I say that I’ve never met someone as amazing as you are. I’m sure God knows just how incredible you are too. Plus…” He paused. “It’s probably weird coming from me with how obsessed I was with Zoey, but think you could find someone much better than him someday.”

  I held Tristan tightly.

  So tight that I thought I’d crush his small body.

  Those fun days of tutoring when he’d show by and give me candy.

  The beginnings of our romance where he’d take me out to all the wonderful places in Deer Valley I’d never been before, starting with the confectionery.

  The late nights talking about our dreams, about how I wanted to start a private medical practice, and how he was interested in robotics and AI. He still hadn’t decided between engineering or computer science, but he was applying for both fields while he considered it.

  We were going to live a fantastic life together. I’d thought about our wedding, our house, the name of our kids…

  “Tristan… I can’t go on anymore… Zoey hurt me really bad…”

  “You have to keep going Laura. You’re not alone.”

  “But… you and I just met… I can’t just.,..”

  “Then keep going for your family. Your mom, your little brother.”

  Larry…

  Yeah… I think he’d be sad if I wasn’t here anymore.

  I’d always have to look out for him when we were kids. I thought it’d changed when we were in high school. He was one of the three amazing freshmen who joined the basketball team that year. His popularity skyrocketed, and his grades were decent too. He honestly started to look like a different person to me. But in his first year, he ended up making a mistake with his girlfriend Krista, and I realized. Oh, he’s still the little kid that I grew up with. He still makes childish mistakes like those.

  To be honest, I was a little relieved to be needed by him again when it happened. I did like that he was doing well for himself, but still… there was a part of me that wanted to be there for him like before. When I reminisced on those old times with him, with my baby brother, the tears I thought I’d run out of streamed down like a faucet.

  “I love my brother, Tristan…”

  “He loves you too, Laura.”

  “I’m sorry he had to see that side of me. I’m really sorry… I’m so embarrassed…”

  “It’s okay. He still loves and respects you a lot.”

  My nose was so clogged that I couldn’t even breathe properly. “But… how do you know that?”

  “We spoke about it yesterday. He said you were a superhero to him.”

  I gripped his shirt so tightly I thought I’d pinched some of the skin off his back too. A superhero… Larry called me a superhero…

  “I told him I’d be there for you today, okay? So don’t do anything crazy.”

  “But… I am crazy. The wires in my brain are all crisscross right now.”

  “You’re not crazy Laura, you’re just very, very sad right now. But it’ll get better, okay?”

  I pulled myself away from him and stared at him directly in his eyes. The determined face he was wearing earlier had softened. There was genuine care in his eyes, even I could see as much through the blurred vision of my tears. It was the same look Jacob had shared with me once upon a time. “… You promise? You promise that things will get better?”

  And at my words, he nodded. “I promise. I’ll do my best to make sure things get better. But they’ll only get better if you promise not to hurt anyone, okay? No more knives, scissors, or whatever else you have in that pile of mass destruction.”

  “But what about the pepper spray?”

  He laughed. “Well, I… I guess self-defense is fine.”

  “Okay, then I guess I promise,” I said.

  My head was light. Everything felt blurry. My face was wet, and my nose was clogged with mucus.

  But… somehow, someway, things felt doable again. Dream Paralysis is a terrifying ability. It was like… because he knew exactly why I was so lost, he could ease the pain in my heart with just words. Whether he meant to act on them or not was another story, but I decided that, for the time being, I would believe in him. Because at this point, his kind words filled with optimism for the future are the only thing still keeping me going.