Updoots for a Superhero

  Squishy looked at his watch. Forty Three minutes. Only a couple other groups were left. It should be their turn soon. Brjenkins appeared and motioned them through a portal. Once inside he handed out the bracelets.

  “Okay. The A grade dragon is still a bit much for us.” Josie shrugged.

  “You have done well though. You are ready to begin fighting the invasion this time around.” Bret announced. “I will pick you up in time for you to be fully recovered for the fight.”

  Atallchevy asked if it was okay if they separated and went to their factions for advanced training and equipment. Bret waived it off as if it was not even an inconvenience, so the group loaded the flying bus and were transported to the dungeon.

  Squish looked around and asked, “Why isn’t Travis ever here?”

  “He was in a different group originally.” Josie answered before her face scrunched up in confusion. “But, how does he always appear as soon as we enter the dungeon?”

  *****

  A few years later, Infernalrobot was on his way to the library when a thin elf in baggy clothes with many pockets appeared. Robot flinched when the man pointed an instrument of some sort at him, but the man quickly pointed it down at the ground and walked in circles noting measurements. A small utterly adorable creature that looked like a cross between a fox and a cat appeared next to the man and began sniffing around. After a few seconds the two seemed to communicate silently before walking in the direction that robot was pretty sure was the path he had come down when he arrived at the residence the first time.

  *****

  Ninjapop wiped the sweat off of his body before putting his armor back on. His instructor appeared out of a shadow beside him. “Your work ethic is remarkable and your improvement is incredible. Are you going to take a few missions now?”

  Ninjapop shook his head, “I’ve promised to help some friends on a major expedition.” He held out his hand, “In case we never meet again, thank you for the training. It has helped me greatly.” His instructor shook his hand and nodded.

  “You are always welcome at the court of shadows.” The instructor bowed slightly and disappeared.

  *****

  An empty stein slammed into the table right after the opponent passed out. Josie’s arms went into the air in victory. “Raise your horns into the air. There is plenty ale to share. All are welcome, take a chair. And sing a song, loud and clear.”

  The crowd cheered as the bard’s powers swept through the room refreshing everybody and filling them with life. A familiar face appeared beside Josie and said, “It’s time.” Josie grabbed one more stein on the way to the door and tossed the empty to the bartender before exiting.

  *****

  The Seeker appeared with Jasper in the Viper’s private quarters. “No luck?” The seeker shook his head. Villy thanked him. “I didn’t have much hope for you being able to trace them. Thank you anyway. We’re even now.” He said as he gave an elixir to Jasper and a quick scratch behind his ears.

  *****

  “Older than water, stubborn as…mmmmmmm” Travis tried to sing as Bret returned with Josie, but three hands quickly covered his mouth.

  “All right everybody recover while you have time. The invading dungeon broke into our dungeon at earth during a chapter after Jake’s return from Nevermore. They hit the population centers pretty hard, but were eventually stopped and the foothold they established was destroyed. Unfortunately, that attack was just a feint. The real attack came through on the opposite side of the planet where they brought in their stronger forces.” Bret explained as he displayed scenes of the invasion.

  As the slides switched to the barren side of the planet, he explained, “They attacked the ninety third to prevent the dungeon from reinforcing with its most powerful creatures. The strategy was to force the dungeon to cannibalize more powerful resources to continue the battle in the ninety third while they continuously flooded the area with waves of troops and brought in their divine level creatures once they estimated they would face no resistance. Without the dungeon author here to guide the defence, they were successful.”

  The group nodded, they had often questioned Bret and had heard much of this information before. “What will our mission be this time?” Josie asked.

  “You will do as much damage as you can. You should have no problem at all with the first few waves, so be as efficient as possible. This trip you are there to hold as long as possible allowing the dungeon to conserve resources.”

  “Will you be coming with us?” Darkcoffee asked.

  “No. Look for the handsome general once you arrive. He will give you your orders.” Bret answered.

  An hour later everybody had fully topped off their resource pools and stocked up from Bret’s bottomless bag of goodies. Bret teleported them to the other side of the planet. Instead of standing in a desert, they found themselves inside a large underground bunker. A figure marched up to them. The group chuckled at the sight of Bret wearing a world war two generals uniform including an immense catabash pipe sticking out of his mouth and a metal helmet that had at least eighteen stars on it.

  He marched up to them and saluted. “Welcome recruits. The fine looking Sergeant over there will show you to your position.” He was of course pointing towards another Bret wearing tiger striped camouflage pants and a unfastened flak vest smoking a cigarette.

  “You’re laying the Minaga on pretty thick.” definitelynotvilly pointed out.

  The “General” scoffed, “I’ve been here scouting and testing longer than all of you have been alive…combined. Give me a break. Now report as ordered.”

  When they approached the sergeant he led them up a series of tunnels and to the surface passing through a series of shields limiting access. Once in the desert, he pointed to a spot with an X marked on it before walking back down into the tunnel.

  They looked around and many other groups began appearing. The number of combatants had to be close to ten thousand. “Looks like there were more meetups beside the one in LA.” Josie said.

  A tremor went through the air and a sound like glass cracking rang out. An enormous portal opened before them. Josie’s voice rang out, “It ain’t me, It ain’t me. I ain’t no senators son.” The group felt their stats boost and their bodies filled with vigor. Slyphie took off from where she was perched on darkcoffee’s shoulder and flew towards the enemies now flooding out of the portal.

  Slyphie flew across the front of the enemies and easily cut down a few groups before returning to report with a very informative “Reeeeeee!”

  Josie pulled Travis into the middle of the formation where he was least likely to get in anybody’s way. “You heard her. Area of effect spells and skills. Watch your resources. We’re in this one for the long haul.”

  The group moved forward to engage the six legged demon dogs that were charging toward them.

  This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

  A few hours later the demons stayed just as numerous despite being much larger now. The group had begun making a strategic retreat to maintain the integrity of the overall position as groups were forced back.

  In the distance a group of maniacs could be seen charging into the enemy on what appeared to be flying surfboards. They were led by someone shooting green lasers into the four armed devils they were currently fighting. Wherever the lasers struck, explosions went off.

  Another group of explosions could be heard from the other flank as a force tore into the devils from the side. Unfortunately, it appeared to be too little too late as the devils charged at the group. They were only capable of handling one or two at a time. Their time was almost up.

  Around them the battle ebbed and flowed as reinforcements arrived. Unfortunately no one was coming to reinforce them. A second devil teleported to flank the melee fighters and Josie knew it was time. Power flashed and where Josie had been standing before, a powerful viking war skald now proudly sung, “Ships on vigor of the waves are skimming. Barren summits to the verdant plains. Each horizon a new beginning. Rise and Reign.”

  The devils engaging them stumbled as they were greatly weakened as the group's power grew to new heights. With a roar and an off tune chanting of “We will, we will rock you.” by Travis, the group charged.

  The group greatly weakened the devils before falling. As Josie’s eyes began to lose sight,what looked like a flying horse with rockets for legs flew overhead carrying an armored man dual wielding lances of light that tore into the enemy.

  *****

  Thirty-three minutes. Squish checked his watch one more time. Brjenkins appeared and ushered them through a portal and handed out their bracelets. “Straight to the battle again?” Josie asked.

  Bret nodded and tapped his amulet. “Running a little low on go juice.” A portal opened and they rushed through. Eighteen star General Bret pointed to the side where another Bret stood holding a multi-barreled weapon. He welcomed them to the air corps. Before he walked up a tunnel, he handed them each a surfboard shaped piece of heavily enchanted metal.

  “Why does he have a froginator tattoo?” darkcoffee whispered and atallchevy could only shrug.

  As they reached the surface, Bret spit out a mouthful of brown liquid and laughed at their disgusted looks, “This stuff will make you a sexual triceratops.”

  “That’s not…” Josie started to say.

  Bret cut her off. “Ain’t got time to chat. Get on your boards. If you can think it, they will do it. Your job is to keep the flyers off me while I lay it on the ground troops.” He dropped his board and it hovered about twenty centimeters above the ground. He hopped on board. “We’ll make a few practice runs before we go in for deep strikes.”

  The group quickly hopped onto their boards and flew after Bret forming a wedge behind the maniac. As they took a shallow angle toward the side of the enemy formation, Bret began shooting green lasers at the demons.

  As they approached the enemies, ninjapop shouted, “Those aren’t freaking lasers. They’re frogs.”

  Definitelynotvilly laughed, “I swear I heard a frog tell one his nubs were cute. Like horns only smaller.”

  Later as something enormous with way too many tentacles knocked the group out of the sky, the rocket horse jedi knight charged past deftly slicing the monster to pieces.

  *****

  Twenty seven minutes. Quite a few groups had already been taken when brjenkins appeared and ushered them through a portal before handing out bracers. This time General Bret didn’t even look at them as he directed three other groups. A light appeared on the floor and guided them to a centaur with a Bret face.

  He took off before they even reached them and they chased him up the tunnels as he looked back shouting, “Going in hard. Be ready.” When they reached the battlefield they followed Bret into the combat as he began launching explosive balls of darkness at everything around them.

  Josie powered everybody up with a little, very little, help from travis and they tore into the enemy from the far southern flank. In the distance the rocket knight jedi was weaving around three enormous beasts.

  *****

  Nineteen minutes. Squish hoped their group would be lucky enough to get to go soon. Brjenkins appeared. When they reached the bunker, a shirtless Bret carrying dual axes covered in black flames whistled and they charged after him.

  “Go all out from the beginning. It ain’t looking good. Everything you got.” Bret shouted as charged across the sand towards the massive beasts. Josie transformed. “Let loose the hounds of war The whirling swords.” Travis feebly added “Momma said knock you out.”

  The group followed the berzerk Bret almost all the way to the portal when suddenly Travis’s voice rose loud and clear, “The heroes fought against impossible odds, but the previously useless bard realized his powers lay in narration not singing. The skald sang the word of power reveal.”

  Josie looked at him and he motioned for her to hurry. “REVEAL!”

  Josie’s eyes went wide as an enormous sword of flame appeared descending towards them. “The skald then shouted with all her might, strength, as the fearless falcon perried the mighty blow with a blast of green wind. The pyromancers flames rose to overwhelm the descending explosion. And the knight arrived just in time to drive back the enemy.”

  Twin blades of light drove the enormous pit fiend back as the knight shouted, “GET THE AUTHOR. I cannot defeat what is coming.”

  Berzerker Bret disappeared in a flash of golden light and Travis expertly narrated the group to survive until a voice rang out calm and clear. “STOP” Everything froze. Josie just happened to be facing in the right direction to see a single figure dressed in dark robes with his face hidden holding an enormous book. Two dragons appeared on either side of him and a woman with a pencil tucked into her hair waved at Josie from behind the figure.

  “Travis.” A voice rang out and suddenly Travis was standing next to the robed man who handed him the book.

  Travis cleared his throat and spoke. “The dungeon author lifted his hands and spoke the words of power…”

  “Remove the Restriction”

  Travis continued reading, “The restriction was lifted and divine auras flooded the battlefield as portals opened.” Josie was able to see Villy and Valdemar step out of portals as well as all the other primordials and powerful gods. A legion of Minaga’s stepped through an enormous portal on the other side.

  “The immortal leaders of the invading army were revealed.” Travis read as the sky shattered revealing a group of hideous deformed creatures of shadows and blood. The rocket knight flew over to the dungeon author with a normal, well normal for him, looking Bret riding behind him.

  “The heroes were released from the bonds and filled with the power of the mighty dungeon author as they attacked the mortal enemies.” Travis said.

  The robed figure turned towards him and asked, “Improvising?”

  Travis shrugged, “They deserve it. I may have went a little overboard in my role playing.” Josie felt herself regain control of her body as she and the others began slaughtering the massive demons surrounding them.

  “The Dungeon author raised both hands and cast…”

  “Lawyer Up!.” the robed man shouted and a group of men and women in navy blue suits appeared in front of him holding briefcases. The summoned lawyers opened their satchels and papers flew out and joined together forming a many headed hydra whose enormous heads struck out to grab the immortal invaders and flip them into the air before swallowing them whole.

  Travis continued. “And the Dungeon Author cast his ultimate spell.”

  The author turned to Travis. Travis corrected himself. “The Dungeon author cast a mundane spell that in no way whatsoever displayed the limits of his power.”

  “Alert the Authorities.”

  A portal opened and a man wearing khaki pants and a windbreaker with the letters DCIU on the back stood up from his desk to step through the portal as men in dark armor filed out behind him to surround the battlefield. The man in the windbreaker flew over to the robed man and asked, “How may we help you Dungeon Author.”

  Zack handed the man a couple crystals as he said, “The Bizney Group attempted to take my dungeon by force after incapacitating me and planning to coerce me into signing the sales registration by kidnapping my architect. Evidence and lists of witnesses can be found in the crystals.”

  “Did you need any help with the cleanup?” The man asked.

  “No. We have everything under control.” Zack answered. “Thank you very much detective. I greatly appreciate the service that you and the other members of the Dungeon Crimes Investigative Unit provide.”

  The man nodded and left with the armed officers following him.

  *****

  The patreons finished off the remaining invaders and tiredly walked towards where the gods and others waited for them. As they approached, the knight removed his helmet. Seeing the long blond hair and beard, the patreons all exclaimed in confusion, “Bluetaco?” They recognized him from his profile picture.

  The man’s features began to change and Zack, Astrid, the brothers and Bret all said, “Garrett?”

  Garrett smiled and said, “Things didn’t go exactly as planned, but they turned out all right.”

  ‘No thanks to this maniac.” Zack said, pointing at Bret.

  “It wasn’t all his fault.” Garrett said before pausing then saying, “Ranger 42-069. Your mission is complete. Proceed to recon the next mission.”

  Bret stood perfectly still as his body began stretching and filling out with muscle as science fiction looking armor covered his body including a helmet covering his face with a reflective visor. On the shoulder of the armor was a red and black scroll that said, “75th Chronoranger Regiment.” He pulled out several weapons and inspected them before storing them again. Once done, he opened a golden portal and stepped through.

  Zack turned towards the group and scratched the back of his neck, “So…. did you have fun? I thought you might enjoy seeing my world.”

  The group stood in silence for a second before a small green falcon flew forward and triumphantly screeched, “Ree!” Everybody else began cheering.

  Garrett stepped forward and asked, “Would you like to go on another adventure sometime soon in which you get to take down a criminal organization of corrupt politicians?” Zack turned and looked at Garrett with a raised eyebrow, but said nothing.

  Josie looked around and everybody shrugged, “Sure?”

  “Excellent.” Garrett said. He stepped forward and handed each person a second bracelet and a crystal. “The bracelet will allow you to remember what has happened. The crystal has information you may not be aware of. Unfortunately, we can’t flood the planet with superheroes, so I’ll have to take back the bracelets you are currently wearing. Don’t worry, they will be waiting for you if you decide to return for part two.”

  Everybody removed their bracelets and they flew to Garrett and disappeared. They put on the other bracelet and activated the crystals. Well, almost everybody did. Garrett had to look sternly at a certain bird before she would remove hers and turn back into a man wearing a green bird suit. Garrett gave them a few minutes to absorb the information before he activated portals for them to step through.

  When the patreons were gone, Zack pointed out, “You know. You shouldn’t be able to open up portals in here that leave my dungeon.”

  Garrett waved him off and said, “Since when do rules apply to Quadzillionaires?”

  A golden portal opened and Bret stepped out and excitedly asked, “Do you think it worked?”

  Zack shook his head, “I know it won’t work.”

  Wide eyed Bret asked, “Why? What went wrong?”

  Zack tilted his head and said, “The patreons aren’t going to give you more upvotes because they think you are some super secret space agent.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because you’re still banned, you asshole. And stay out of my castle.”