28th King, James day 9902

  A new king, King James, has taken the throne who has pushed the advancement of technology through funding inventors with the craft and knowledge aspect. This has caused a new age of discovery. My father took me and my brother to an auction today that has become a popular place to unveil new inventions. They unveiled the first automobile there and sold it for almost one million gold pounds. The design looked a bit like a carriage, nothing as advanced as what I would have used in my old world. Although it was exciting to see technology that was reminiscent of the 20th century in my old world, it was something our family couldn't dream of affording. With the help of awakenings, the craftsmen in this world are truly impressive. Seeing inventions like revolvers and early cars in this world almost makes me question if there are others who have memories of a past life.

  “Brother! What are you doing in the library? Did you come to see me?” Keith asks, getting up from the chair that he was reading in.

  “I came here to do some research on my awakening dream.”

  “What was your body awakening dream like brother? I'll help you research it!”

  “Ah well… I awakened a knowledge aspect actually.” I say scratching my head awkwardly, the embarrassment of not getting a body aspect as well as lying about which aspect I got makes me want to avoid eye contact with my brother. Since reincarnating, Keith has always been kind to me making it hard to face him now. I'm sorry Keith, your brother has actually awakened a blood aspect!

  “Really? You should study with me then! And we can go to the library together every day!” Keith says, clearly excited. His excitement at the chance to spend time together made me realize I might have been ignoring him a bit in recent years, fully absorbed in my delusions of strength.

  “Yeah, let's study together.” I respond with a genuine grin. Looking at the book he left opens on the desk, it details the components that make up a cigarette. I’m not sure why he is studying this, he must simply be reading almost any book in the library to learn more. For him, it is important to learn as much as possible before he turns 15 if he wants to have better odds of awakening a knowledge aspect. Similar to how I would train every day to make sure I had a body awakening aspect. It makes me curious why I have a blood aspect instead.

  “I want to research a bit about awakenings, where would those books be Keith?”

  My brother, who has spent much more time in the library than me, was able to easily pull out a few books for me from a section. Common Dreams, Knowledge Awakening Dreams, Which Knowledge Path to Pursue After Your Awakening. The selection of books he stacked in my arms would be very helpful if I had truly awakened a knowledge aspect. There was one book in particular that caught my eye on the shelf. “Why beast and blood aspects are taboo.” There is no convenient Blood Awakening Dreams book to tell me more about the dream I saw, so this will have to do. Once Keith left, I pulled this book off the shelf as well as a few others about each aspect to not seem suspicious and headed over to a desk in the library to start reading.

  I first read the books Keith picked out for me, playing the part of someone who was curious about their knowledge aspect. Thanks to the fact people who awaken the knowledge aspect can generally read a bit faster than others and I am pretending to have a knowledge aspect, I can skim through these books pretending that I was reading them earnestly. Eventually I get to start reading the book that I am interested in, skimming the parts that are about the beast aspect.

  Unfortunately, the book mainly explained what happens to most people with blood aspects and not the awakening dreams. It also doesn't give the name of any common paths for ascension or anything that could really help me. It most likely is knowledge that is intentionally controlled to make it harder for lunatics to cause trouble.

  It details a few accounts of criminals with blood aspects though that were interesting to read about. Some fought with smoke, others drank blood, some set up rituals, there were even cases of cannibalism. It's easy to tell why there is a negative stigma around the blood aspect. Recalling the feeling of the smoke in the dream rushing into my body, the criminal, Victor Cross, who fought with smoke, feels the most familiar to me. If I could find out more about him and his case, I could possibly learn the path that he took and also follow it.

  The issue is that it's not like I can just search for his name up on a computer. If I go around asking about him it would seem strange to anyone. I would need a reasonable explanation for why I wanted to research more about him that at the moment I just don't have. Even if I'm just a newly awakened knowledge aspect excited to learn more, there is nothing particularly strange about his case for me to have reasonable cause to look for more information.

  Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.

  I still doubt that I really awakened the blood aspect. It just seems wrong for the protagonist to have something so sinister as their power. As someone who has only awakened, I should have increased regeneration if I really do have a blood aspect. Sliding my finger across the side of the page a few times, I manage to give myself a small paper cut. Withdrawing my hand from the book, I watch the wound intensely. After just two minutes, if I wiped away the little blood that seeped out it would be impossible to tell if it ever happened. At this level of regeneration this power is only convenient, if I got stabbed with a sword I would surely die.

  Closing the book with a sigh, I bring the books back to the shelf that I took them from keeping up appearances. Normally I would just leave them on the table and make it someone else's problem, but I don't want to cause trouble for my brother. It also helps me look more like a proper and studious person. If I want to reshape my image I have to put in effort after all.

  Each day for the past year, I go to the library and pick out a few books. At first, I read them earnestly, but it is hard to stay interested in such boring books. At some points, I would just open a book and sit there for an hour not reading a single page. If someone was observing me closely, they would easily be able to tell I wasn't studying.

  To stop this from happening, I've begun to buy fairy tales and erotic novels from a book store and using a technique from my last life, I placed the smaller book I purchased in between the pages of a bigger library book. This way, I have something interesting to read and can keep up the appearance of someone who goes to the library to read every day.

  In this time, Roman has constantly been the talk of noble society. He has already had his first ascension and is now a knight setting an unprecedented pace. Meanwhile I'm still useless and can only be envious. It would be fine if I was useless and that was it, but why did I have to hear news about how great Roman is? It's quite frustrating. I have come to realize that I might not be the protagonist of this world. If anything, I almost seem more like the villainous side character? That can't be right.

  I don't know what to do to become stronger as a blood aspect. I haven't even made any progress. Pretending to have a knowledge aspect so that I can do research has been completely fruitless. It's really hard to have a blood aspect you know?

  Because my research hasn’t been very helpful, I have decided to make my own assumptions about the blood aspect. In general, it's unadvised to pursue a path blindly as you might be walking the path of an evil higher being or lose control and turn into a monster, this is why the most common paths are all well researched. For example, the higher being behind the saintess path is the sun goddess herself. There is no doubt that following a legitimate goddess is safe and will be rewarding. My worries stem from not knowing who the higher being in my awakening dream was. Not every higher being cares about their followers after all. That lady certainly didn’t leave a favorable impression on me.

  Recalling what she told me in my dream, “Can you feel it? All the envy and anger in your heart?” and “This is my gift to you. Your mind is corrupted enough to accept my great blood awakening. Remember to embrace your awakening.”

  My first assumption is that the cause of my blood awakening was the negative emotions that stir within me whenever I see Roman. Somehow the negative emotions corrupted my mind. In hindsight, the way I act around Roman is strange and unusual. Although reincarnating and perceiving myself as the protagonist undoubtedly warped my personality and ego, I definitely acted the most unsightly around Roman. The main issue is the only advice that I have been able to find for my growth was from this higher being telling me to embrace my awakening.

  Since my awakening came from those unusual negative emotions, embracing my awakening would mean being an even bigger asshole. It is also possible that embracing my awakening could have to do with the smoke and blood in that dream. I suddenly had a crazy thought remembering what my brother was reading. Should I pick up smoking? No that surely isn’t the solution here.

  I don’t exactly want to be an asshole, I want to be the protagonist. The other issue is the scope of people who I can push around has definitely gotten smaller. Not only have my muscles begun to atrophy from lack of practice, the people who I sparred in knights training have all gained their body awakening by now. And Roman in particular is even a knight now. It doesn’t feel right to use the people close to me like my brother or the maids who support me. I might have enjoyed teasing my personal maid before, but I wouldn’t want to do anything awful to her.

  So, the question is, how do I foster these negative emotions without harming anyone? I believe the first step would be a change of environment. The comfort of the barony is too harmonious and isn’t good for promoting these emotions. Instead, I should go to a place full of sin. A few come to mind, but the most reasonable one is the casino. These are places full of greed and lust.

  It would be unsightly for me to be seen at a casino, however, so I need to dress a bit differently than normal and conceal my family's distinct hair as much as possible. My solution to this is to wear a hat, something I normally would never do. Since top hats have been in fashion, I bought one for this purpose.

  It's not a perfect solution, but at least it does something. If someone who knew me saw me, they would surely still recognize me. It wouldn't be the end of the world if I was seen at a casino, but I already don't have the best reputation, so I'd rather not let it get worse. Still just wearing different clothes feels a bit inadequate as a disguise but it can't be helped. Putting on a trench coat and a top hat, I head outside. I don't go directly there, first I stop at a book store just in case anyone asks where I went today and then to the casino.