“Why are you just standing there? Heal him, Neil!”

  Thad felt like his head was about to explode. But then again, getting hit by a train would do that.

  No, getting hit by a train would do much more than that.

  He’d seen the light barreling at him. Heard the roar of the engine and the kid’s scream as he’d tossed them back onto the platform. Catching the look in their panicked eyes as…

  Why wasn’t he dead? Was this the afterlife? Who was Neil?

  “What do you think I’m about to do, Dusty?!”

  “His mom’s gonna kill us!”

  “Imbue with life! She’ll only kill us if this drunk little turd manages to die from falling out of a brothel balcony.”

  At least the kid made it out, that's all that mattered. A pleasant warmth started to seep into Thad’s head, the headache decreasing enough for Thad to begin taking stock of the rest of his body, which, much to his shock, had no complaints.

  He opened his eyes, vision blurred till it focused on two dark shadows blocking a crystal-clear sky. He rubbed his hand across his face, trying to adjust the brightness, feeling something warm and wet coat his hand.

  “Oh, thank the Healer!” One of the shadows said.

  No, not a shadow. A bigger man, dressed like an elf... a cosplayer?

  Wait, why was he outside? Thad looked around and paused, catching a glimpse of his hand, which was glowing from within, coated in blood, and that wasn’t the only thing that shocked him.

  Neil tilted his head, his eyebrows knitting together, watching the racial evolution finish and Thadwick moving his hand closer and farther from his face like he'd never seen a hand before.

  Racial evolution via falling out of a brothel had to be a first.

  “Thadwick?”

  Thadwick? It was close, but not his name. Had the Cosplayer looked through his wallet?

  It didn’t matter now, though, because something was very off about his skin tone. He was at least two shades darker than his usual complexion, not accounting for the blood smeared across his palm and fingers.

  Was he burned? Was that why he thought he saw a glow? No, that would hurt way more, and this wasn’t how a burn looked; it’d just been a trick of the light. Thad put up his other hand and lightly touched his fingers together.

  “Neil, didn’t you heal him?”

  “As you can see, he’s awake, Dustin!”

  “You heard the sound he made when he hit the street, maybe he needs, you know... more.”

  Neil moved closer to Thadwick, who now seemed to be rubbing away the blood coating his palm with intense concentration.

  “Thadwick, how are you feeling, man?”

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  Thad stopped looking at his hands and focused on the colossal elf.

  “Not Thadwick, just Thad,” he said, but then started coughing as he touched his throat, leaving a bloody handprint; his voice was off, and something felt strange with the words… like he was listening to another language while reading subtitles, understanding but knowing it was not English he was hearing. And now that he noticed it, everything he heard sounded off.

  The elf ignored him, grabbing his shoulders and lifting him from the ground to a sitting position.

  “You hit your head pretty hard, falling from that height.”

  “Hit by a train.”

  “What?”

  “I was hit by a train, can’t you see that? Thanks for the help, man, but I need an EMT.” Thad slurred as he pushed Neil’s hands off his shoulders and went to stand, only to fall back onto his knees and hurl. Blood droplets fell from his nose onto the cobblestone, mixing with the emesis on the ground.

  Fuck. He felt… drunk. Like severely shit-housed.

  “What’s an EMT?” Neil asked, watching his teammate empty his stomach onto the ground.

  “Did he just thank you? Definitely do the spell again, Neil,” Dustin said nervously, looking around at the greenstone inhabitants starting to form a crowd.

  “I will in a minute, something with his aura’s off,” Neil said, moving closer to Thad, who was now wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and breathing heavily.

  “Thadwick, let's get you off the street. We can go back inside, get you another drink.”

  “Look at him, that’s the one thing he doesn’t need right now, Dustin.”

  “Do you see the crowd forming, Neil? We need to get him somewhere private.”

  Both offsiders looked back at Thadwick, who’d sat back up on his knees, ignoring them both. He swayed a bit as he looked at his arms and clothes, which were filthy at this point. His eyes were wide, his pupils blown.

  - Welcome User! -

  A screen like a see-through setup wizard popped into his field of view, causing Thad to fall back, letting out a squawk of surprise as he stared at a little paperclip in a wizard’s hat, a text balloon above its head.

  - Congratulations! Due to surprising the Reaper with unprompted self-sacrifice, and unscripted death time.-

  -The Reaper has bestowed 'Sacrifices Second Chance' onto you. You have been granted a Second Chance. -

  - Due to positive and negative points accrued throughout your previous life, you have been designated the model [Fixer-Upper], which most closely matches your name, gender, and soul departure time. -

  - Fixer-Upper (Thadwick Mercer) has been assigned to User (Thadius “Thad” Shepherd). -

  - Make sure to adjust this model's projected fate. You won’t surprise the Reaper twice.-

  - Racial adjustment has been assigned and prompted. Model (Thadwick Mercer) has been re-imaged from Human Interface to Outworlder Interface. Outworlder Racial Gifts have been assigned. To view Racial Gifts access Help Desk. -

  - Help Desk is currently unavailable.-

  - A new task list has been assigned [Accept Reality]. Once the task is marked completed, the User will gain access to the help desk and memory bank.-

  - A recurring task list has been assigned [Protect Astral Knowledge]. A penalty will be added if a task is marked as incomplete or task list rules are violated. -

  - To see task list rules, please see Help Desk. -

  - Help Desk is currently unavailable. -

  - Current Penalties: Inebriation (Time Remaining: 4hrs), Soul Body Disconnect (No ETA available), DAI (Healing: 30 mins remaining), Embarrassing Display (No ETA). -

  Thad read the screen, a look of dread spreading across his face. The Reaper, Astral Knowledge, Thadwick… Wait, wait… no, no, this has got to be some kind of joke.

  “Thadwick Mercer?!?” He said out loud. “That Ass, from the web-novel? WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK!”

  - Warning: You have violated Recurring Task List [Protect Astral Knowledge]. -

  - Penalty [unconscious] to be applied in 1 minute.-

  “THIS IS BULLSHIT!”

  “Imbue with life,” Neil said, sending a bolt of healing out to his teammate, as Thadwick appeared to lose his last ounce of sanity, standing up, cursing, and waving his hands in front of his face as if trying to wave away an annoying bug. However, instead of helping his teammate, Neil watched Thadwick’s eyes roll back, and he smashed headfirst into the cobblestone, yet again.

  : Fixer-Upper is a fanfiction based on the popular, He Who Fights with Monsters series written by Shirtaloon - Or Travis Deverell.

  I hope you liked my first chapter! I have been posting this fanfic over on AO3 for a hot second, but thought I could also put it on here.

  I also post this work on . If you are wanting to see a more detailed tagging system, please check it out. I also tend to post there a few hours earlier than on here.

  Villainess Otome Isekai" which is a subgenre of the isekai genre where a protagonist is reincarnated into the villainess or villain role of an otome game or book they previously played or read. These stories focus on the protagonist using their knowledge of the series to change their fate and avoid the negative ending typically assigned to the villainess or villian, often leading to comedic or dramatic situations as they navigate social dynamics and romance. Thus Thad getting the Thadwick treatment.