Intern’s Log: “Fur Cave” Means “Thief Beware”—And Now I Understand Why
Date: [Too Late to Stop This]
Intern ID: Reynolds, J. (I regret everything. Again.)
So.
It happened.
The thing we were all afraid of.
The bears—the highly intelligent, organized, heavily armed, genetically uplifted bears—have stolen female bears to ensure their survival.
? They raided the Kamchatka Peninsula first.
? They took additional bears from Alaska.
? Somehow, they even stole from North American wildlife reserves.
? And because that wasn’t enough, they found a genetic profile for a species that doesn’t exist anymore.
A California Golden Bear.
Which means…
I am now responsible for creating the first female uplifted bear.
And I?
I regret everything.
Phase One: Bandit’s Grand Theft Ursine (Or, “How to Start an International Crisis”)
I should have seen it coming.
Bandit has never once backed down from a challenge.
So when the bears realized they had no future without female counterparts, Bandit took it as a personal mission.
And he succeeded.
? He infiltrated Russian wildlife reserves.
? He launched precision raids on U.S. bear populations.
? He orchestrated a multi-continental bear heist.
? And the worst part? No one knows how he pulled it off.
Drones caught glimpses of masked operatives in the dead of night—figures moving with perfect coordination, disabling security, and vanishing into the forests with captured bears.
No alarms were triggered.
No authorities were alerted in time.
No one stopped them.
And now?
The bears are no longer an endangered experiment.
They are a species.
Phase Two: The California Golden Bear—The One They Want Me to Make
As if stealing living bears wasn’t enough, Bandit somehow got his tiny, furry paws on a fully sequenced genetic profile for a California Golden Bear.
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For those not familiar with Earth’s history:
? California Golden Bears went extinct in the 1920s.
? They were massive, powerful apex predators—bigger than grizzlies.
? Humans wiped them out because we feared them.
? And now, Bandit wants me to bring them back.
"Congratulations, Reynolds," he said, handing me the files with his little smug raccoon fingers.
"You get to make history."
I do not want to make history.
I want to go home.
Phase Three: The Science I Should Not Be Doing
I was given a fully operational lab.
Bandit provided stolen equipment.
The bears provided security.
And now?
Now I am actively participating in the creation of an entirely new species.
? I have the genetic profile.
? I have the means to modify it for uplift.
? I have NO ethical oversight.
This is not what I signed up for.
And yet…
As I stare at the sequencing data, I realize something horrifying.
This is going to work.
Phase Four: The Silver Lining I Am Desperately Clinging To
I can’t stop this.
Even if I destroy my work, Bandit will find another scientist.
Even if the world finds out, the bears will not stop.
This is happening.
But…
Maybe, just maybe, this isn’t the worst thing.
Because if the bears have a future now—
That means they have something to protect.
And when the existential enemy finally arrives—
When the horrors from beyond the void threaten all life on Earth—
The bears will have something to fight for.
They will choose survival.
They will choose our side.
And that?
That might be the only thing keeping me from losing my mind.
Final Thoughts (I Am Going to Need a Stiff Drink After This)
? The bears have successfully stolen the means of their survival.
? They are no longer just a rogue military force.
? They are a civilization.
? And I have just made sure they have a future.
? When the war comes, they will fight for it.
I don’t know what history will say about me.
But I do know this—
If humanity wants to survive the end of the world?
We are going to need the bears.
End Log.
