Lizards started pouring from the tree in waves.

  Secret conquering quest found!

  ‘Lizard empire’

  Defeat the lizard monarch

  Kill 100 lizards,

  Find the dragon.

  Quest deactivated, player running away.

  I was running as fast as my cheesy legs could handle, they bent and wiggled as I ran. Hearing a pattering sound beside me, I glanced over to see Icky running beside. Yelling over the sound of the wave of lizards, I turned away from him. “I thought you wanted to stay!”

  “That was before you pissed off the whole colony of lizards!”

  Right. I’d done that.

  Icky was starting to lag behind so I grabbed him and threw him onto my back. I only had two points in strength so Icky was heavier than a sack of potatoes. I tossed the two points I’d earned from killing the lizard into strength and my speed increased slightly. I heard the lizards getting closer, closer, and closer till they were nipping at my feet.

  *Queue dramatic piano music. Prepare for death by lizard, little cheese man.

  Muhahahaaha!*

  What a jerk. The System had to know about my fear of dramatic piano music. I started running faster.

  Thanks to my now four points in strength, twelve in endurance, and four hundred forty-five plus stamina I was able to keep just ahead of the lizards. But despite all that, I was still just a piece of cheese destined to be pie. My body couldn’t handle nearly as much as a normal body could.

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  Fortunately for me --and Icky--, armies can’t move as fast as one individual, even if that individual is made of cheese.

  You are no longer being pursued.

  *Aww, why’d you have to go and spoil my fun? You know what, you're not in active battle anymore. I can give you any condition I want!

  Buuut, I’m saving it for some time really special. *

  I collapsed on the ground, panting heavily. I now only had three hundred and forty-five stamina left. “Why am I losing stamina so quickly?” I mumbled out loud.

  Because you have high endurance you are able to retain and gain stamina better than your original state, but due to lack of physical strength more stamina is expended when carrying heavy objects.

  “Huh, thanks for answering nicely for once, I guess.” Sitting up, I glanced around, trying to make sense of where we were. As well as check for any lizards.

  Instead of lizards there were rocks, dirt, and trees and grass encroaching on the dirt and rocks. It took me way too long to realize that it was an overgrown trail.

  …A trail that could lead to safety. Or worst-case scenario, it would lead to me getting baked into a pie.

  Icky jumped off my back, growling at me as he did so. “(beep) (beep) (beep), (Oh good heavens! This lizard knows how to swear!) (beep)!”

  Wincing at the rapid and constant influx of Beeps, I clapped my hands over where my ear holes should have been. “Could you stop swearing? It hurts my head.”

  Glaring at me, Icky huffed and raised his head indignantly. “Those weren't even that bad.”

  Shaking my head, I stood up and glanced in both directions, before walking in the direction that looked like it would most likely lead somewhere where the people didn’t like cheese pies.

  “By Flor’s chaotic nature, where are you going?!” Icky yelled after me.

  I turned back to Icky with a frown. “Was that an insult to the god, or a compliment?”

  “A compliment.” He spat. “Now where do you think you’re going?”

  Sighing, I turned to him fully. “Somewhere where they don’t like pie. Why do you ask?”

  Icky scowled and licked his eyes. “I’m deciding if I want to go with you.”

  A grin split my face, and I waved him over to me, he sighed, plotted across the dirt to me and we started walking.

  I was skipping and humming when Icky suddenly stopped and turned to me with a glare. “This does not mean we’re friends!”