Dust hung suspended the air, floating and yet barely moving. The sun was low and dim above, its light choked with so many layers of sediment. Lauren stood in a desert. She knew, intuitively, this place was her mindscape. No time moved here. Nothing changed. She was dreaming. She didn’t remember falling asleep.

  The only thing to be seen in the barren landscape was a lump in the distance. She estimated it would come up to her waist standing beside it. It’s edges and details were obscured by the haze. Things moved around the still center mass. With nothing else to do, she began walking towards it.

  Her boots crunched as she took one step in front of the other. Twenty paces to the lump, then ten. As she closed the distance, a flock of carrion birds suddenly erupted from where they had been picking at its surface. That’s when Lauren recognized what it was. The corpse of some dark-furred animal. A bull, or something related. Horns pointed to the distance. Its hooves rested over each other, still. The only movement came from something larger than a bird still digging into its side.

  It was not an animal. It was a girl with light brown hair and a green jacket. Lauren’s doppelganger reached into the cavity it had dug out with its bare hands and wrenched free a slippery, steaming organ. Even with its back turned to her, the sounds of it slurping the meat down made her sick.

  “Hey!” she called out. She wanted her shadow-self to stop and acknowledge her. Everything that had happened when she was awake came creeping back into her consciousness. “Look at me.”

  The her in front of the corpse stopped its wet smacking. It turned and regarded her over its shoulder.

  Though it looked like her and wore her clothes, nothing about this version of Lauren was human. Its face was slack, eyes dark, mouth dripping with blood and saliva. Only the low intelligence of a beast registered in its blank expression. Claws squeezed the juices out of the piece of fresh meat it held which stained its sleeves black.

  “What are you?” Lauren asked it. “The thing Dr. Smythe put it me? The thing that wants to kill?” She took another step forward, letting her anger guide her. Her best and only guess what that this was the intruder in her body. “Are you Rachel, too? Are you why I think I have a sister? You just wear her face whenever I think about her? Did the doctor teach you how to do that?”

  The doppelganger stared at her. Its empty, uncaring face set her off. She picked up a rock off the ground and threw it. “Fucking answer me!”

  The doppelganger flinched away from the rock hitting it, dropping its meal. Then it lunged forward and snarled. With its sharp teeth revealed and in a primal stance on all fours, it looked even less human.

  Lauren didn’t back down. She had nothing more to lose. Her own mind was against her. If she didn’t have her own mind, her own memories, she didn’t have anything. She waited for the doppelganger to attack.

  It crouched low, head near the ground, looking like it was readying to spring up and attack. Lauren tensed to kick it as it struck. But the attack didn’t come. It began to crawl backwards.

  Soon, it was gone back into the murky depths of her mind.

  Lauren's eyes opened. Her clock said it was early in the morning. It had been earlier in the morning when she had come back to her dorm. All the lights were off and the bedroom doors closed. She had gone straight to collapsing on top of her sheets. Her tantrum had destroyed much of the cafeteria she had been told in. Then, as quickly as her rage had come on, a vast and quiet emptiness overtook her. Her interior became an abyss that even she couldn’t feel the bottom off as the weight of what Hogan said settled inside.

  There was of course the chance that the agent was lying. He could probably fabricate any record. Make her stop looking to keep her around. Keep her docile. She glared at him on the ride home, and accused him of as much to his face.

  He didn’t defend himself with words. He handed her the file and gave her time to look through it. Nothing looked off, but how would she know? She threw it to the floor and turned away from him, as much as she could.

  And then she started thinking about things she hadn’t questioned before.

  Why did they have one bedroom growing up?

  Because they were poor.

  Why did they have one bicycle growing up?

  Because they were poor.

  Why did Lauren and Rachel do everything together? Why did Lauren not have any memories without Rachel? Why did Rachel never get into trouble by herself? Did Rachel do anything by herself? Did they ever fight? Was Lauren questioning Rachel about Tommy just her doubting herself?

  Her memories that just before had been so strong now flickered. Rachel seemed... flat, almost. Like a recording that was too perfect. It was like some illusion broke. And Lauren stopped interrogating Hogan. She sunk into herself. Grief locked her shut. It felt like a sort of dying.

  He walked her to her door. He said words that broke against her outer barriers like unintelligible surf and receded. He probably tried to talk her out of being part of the mission.

  She closed the door in his face.

  Now she opened it again to cross campus to the gym.

  In the weightroom, she put her guard up against the punching bag. Her balled fists shook. Her vision wavered in the harsh light. She tried jabbing the bag. It was sloppy. Her knuckles barely grazed it. She rolled her shoulders and tried again. Her hit connected. It was weak. It felt weaker than a punch she could throw at fourteen. She couldn’t focus. She was drowning.

  She wiped her nose and hit the bag again. If she didn’t concentrate, her opponent was going to kill her.

  Hit.

  But why care?

  Hit.

  What was she living for?

  Hit.

  Answers, at this point.

  “Are those limp smacks going to be how you win your big prizefight?”

  She stopped and turned. Coach Dixon stood behind her, by the dumbbell racks. A man of his size shouldn’t be able to move so silently. He was in slacks and an undershirt, his gray hair down. He watched her with arms folded. His eyes roved sharp, always appraising his students’ progress. With everything that had happened, she was honestly surprised to see him still here. You'd think a supervillian would be the first to be contained and interrogated in the event of an infiltration. The higher-ups must not've been concerned.

  “You know I’m fighting?” she asked.

  He moved, taking a stool from the wall and bringing it over. Sitting down, he was barely shorter than her.

  “I figured they didn’t invite you for tea.”

  He probably noticed the dull horror in her eyes, but he didn’t comment. He wasn’t a man to speak from the heart, instead always focusing on practicalities. That was probably what Lauren needed right then.

  “Your opponent?”

  “Her name’s Usagi.”

  Coach Dixon looked at her like she was a bit slow. “What does she do?”

  “Oh. She’s fast, and she’s strong.”

  “How fast and how strong?”

  Lauren shrugged. “I dunno. Not like, run across the city in a minute fast. But faster than me. And hits like a fuckin’ sledgehammer.”

  “This is the one that put you in the hospital the first time,” Dixon said.

  “Yeah…”

  He nodded, musing on that. He held his hand open to her. “Let me see that bone spike you tried to put through Reagan’s face.”

  Lauren unsheathed it. Dixon ran the pad of his remaining thumb across its tip. It left a red streak that wept blood. He studied the mark.

  “Sharp as my sharpest blades. And that’s sharp.”

  “It won’t hit her,” Lauren said. “She’s too fast. I wo—”

  Coach Dixon flicked her forehead, snapping her out of her flat tone.

  “Ow!”

  “Shut up and listen,” Dixon ordered. “I know how fights work. I’ve done this sort of thing for decades. I haven’t been studying your moves and abilities these past few months for nothing. So, you can mope around and get killed down there, or you can follow my instructions and win.”

  Lauren heeded him and sat up straighter. He was right. She hated moping. There would be time to sort out the truth later. She had to get her head in the game. This was life or death, and not just her. She was the distraction keeping the New Lords away from the earthquake generator.

  “That’s better,” Coach said. He leaned in. “Here’s the first part of your strategy: martial artists and speedsters have the biggest egos in the game. They think they’re unhittable. They think they control everything around them. Most of the time, they’re right. But that means they get tunnel vision. Someone who can do both? Bad tunnel vision.”

  “So?”

  “So, you let them get their tunnel vision, and then you fucking shank them.”

  Lauren tried to understand. “How does that actually help me hit her?”

  “The second part of your strategy is that you’re someone who can take a hit,” Dixon explained. “You’re stronger than when she first stomped you. She won’t expect that. You standing for longer will piss her off. Don’t start the fight by swinging your weapon around trying to stab her. She’ll play around that all day. Let her get you punch drunk. Make her earn it. Don’t make it seem like you’re leading her to some outcome. Then she’s gonna stand over you, saying the same stupid shit they always say, and when she gets in your face you deliver the one hit of the fight that matters. But you need to pick your moment right.”

  “So… I need to basically lose the fight to win the fight,” Lauren said.

  “Or you can just lose the fight,” Coach said. “Unless you’ve been holding back something this entire time.”

  There was one big thing she was holding back, as best as she could. The predator roving the depths of her mind. It was getting harder and harder to, every time she fought. Every time she let it in, she lost a little more control. But it was powerful. Maybe even enough to beat Usagi.

  No. She’d have to use Coach’s strategy. Giving any amount of control to Smythe’s creation wasn’t a fix for any of her problems. She wouldn’t be the mad scientist’s puppet. She wouldn’t let it make her a killer, and make Lucy even more disappointed in her.

  The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

  She couldn’t exactly train to lose, so she went to leave the weightroom. Before she exited, she put her hand on the doorway for a moment.

  “Are you the man who killed Hogan’s daughter?”

  “No.” Dixon’s tone was hard and certain. Lauren believed him immediately. Which was good, because if he was, she’d have to fight him. And she was pretty sure she’d lose that fight.

  Lauren returned to her room and sat in bed for the remaining hours of pre-dawn. She didn’t ache for sleep. She sat with her legs crossed, in a trance. What she was doing exactly was hard to explain. She was feeling her own inner world. She felt the processes of her body without really understanding what they were: cells dividing, acid digesting, neurons firing. She buried herself in it. She hid from the pain of losing a sister she never had. She felt the slithering of her other self. Even feeling that was better than feeling the grief. Her mind drained. For a while she stopped being Lauren, and instead was the several trillion cells that comprised her body.

  There was a quick knock at her door.

  She blinked. The time on her alarm clock was 9:35 AM.

  She uncrossed her legs and went to her room door. No one stood outside. She looked down. At her feet was a plate of decorated pancakes topped with frosting and cream. A small note sat on the rim.

  Lauren picked up the plate.

  Lucy’s Apology Pancakes, the note read.

  Lauren looked down the hall. Lucy’s eye was peeking at her from around the corner. She disappeared quickly.

  Lauren brought the plate out to the living room. Lucy stood there, wringing her hands, looking terribly ashamed.

  “What is this?” Lauren asked her.

  Lucy’s eyes roved around the room except where Lauren stood.

  “Me using my best skill to apologize,” Lucy said in a hushed voice. “Well, I’m also really good at growing plants, but I figured you’d like something to eat more than taking a care of a plant, cause you’re not a weirdo like me.”

  Lauren was still confused. “What do you have to apologize for?”

  “For lashing out at you last night!” Lucy said. Was that still last night? With all that had happened since then, it felt like a lifetime ago. She suddenly wanted to rewind the clock to when Lucy being upset was her biggest heartache.

  Lucy closed the distance between them. She put a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry, Lauren. I shouldn't have taken it out on you. It was my fear talking. I do think you could learn to not rush into things so much, and you could stand to not try to do everything yourself. But I thought about it all night, and we're here to be heroes, and that means taking risks, and getting hurt sometimes. I shouldn't have implied Mara and Danielle were your fault. Those subterrans needed to be dealt with. I might not have liked so much how that went, and it might have put me on edge a bit. I just need to learn how to toughen up. I still think the museum could have gone down differently, and meeting with the New Lords is frankly stupid—"

  "Don't apologize," Lauren interrupted. "You were right about all of it. I led myself and others places I shouldn't have. I've been trying to take shortcuts. I can make excuses all I want, but I've been an idiot. I need to be more of a team player."

  "I'm glad you can reflect on it, but still, I shouldn't have used the language I did," Lucy said. "I shouldn't talk that way, especially to you. It's just been so much recently. I haven't had time to really decompress. I know you’re doing the best that you can, and you’re looking for Rachel—”

  Lauren dropped the plate. Pancakes flopped over shards of ceramic. She sunk to her knees, the pain a rogue wave taking her by surprise. Her face twisted.

  Lucy was immediately on her in concern. “What is it? Do you not like pancakes? I can make you something else!”

  “I… I… they… said she’s…” She shuddered as the tears flowed fresh. She tightened her grip on herself. “He said…”

  It took her another ten minutes before she could tell Lucy what Hogan had told her. Lucy held her friend the entire time. Once Lauren finally got the words out, she was exhausted. She rested her head against her friend’s chest.

  “I… don’t know what to say,” Lucy said.

  “I don’t either. My life is a lie.”

  Lucy brushed her fingers through her friend’s hair. “I know this is devastating. I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling right now. But this means you don’t have to go.”

  Lauren pulled herself away. “What?”

  “The New Lords, they don’t have anything to hold over you,” Lucy said. “You don’t have to go to them. Stay here with me, or go and take down the machine if you want to help. You don’t have to do this crazy plan.”

  Lauren wiped her nose. “I do have to go. Dr. Smythe needs to be brought to justice. She needs to take this thing out of me.”

  “Your powers?”

  How could Lauren explain that there was something eating its way through her mind? Getting a stronger foothold every time she drew on its power. She needed it taken out before she lost herself to it. Whatever parts of her were actually real. She wasn’t sure right now who she even was.

  “And I have to keep their attention away from the team. The school won’t send enough to fight them on fair ground.”

  “You’re in with Director Weiss,” Lucy said. “You can convince her we don’t need a home team. I’ll go on the mission with you. Let’s do this together.”

  Lauren looked her friend in the eyes, and she could see that Lucy saw the resigned determination in her.

  “You’re going to do this no matter what I say,” Lucy realized sadly.

  “I’m sorry. I won’t let anyone else get hurt by my mistakes. I need to finish this alone. Even if Rachel... even if she isn't real. I need the rest of you to be as safe as I can make you. And I need answers.”

  Lucy nodded and started picking up pancakes and shards. Lauren helped her.

  Grace came out of her room in her silk pajamas. She stopped in front of them, hands on her hips. “What is all the ruckus out here? I’m trying to get my beauty sleep before the big mission.”

  Both girls glared up at her. She threw her hands up and backed away with an exasperated look.

  They finished cleaning and made breakfast together from scratch, both of them wrapped in a somber silence. Harper came out and joined them at the table.

  “What do you think’s happening today?” Lauren asked. The mission wasn’t scheduled until late at night. Lilith hadn’t been specific on a time, but she figured she meant after sunset. That seemed like a good time to build the tension for them and let them put their guard down.

  Lucy swallowed a bite of her makeup breakfast. Eggs and bacon. “Knowing our class?”

  Lauren knew what she meant. They washed up not long after and prepared to meet the chaos.

  Thalia was right outside, watching campus from a spot on the railing.

  “Hey,” Lucy greeted as they stepped out. “We should’ve had you for breakfast.”

  “’S'alright,” Thalia grunted. Her face was stormy under her thick tangle of hair being brushed to the side by a stiff breeze. She seemed in a brooding mood.

  “Have you heard from Adam today?” Lucy asked.

  “No. I can’t reach him.” She pulled the dark coat she wore tighter around herself, collar up around her neck.

  “You want to go after him. I get it,” Lucy said.

  “I should have gone with him in the first place!” Thalia was clearly angry at herself. “He’s my…” She couldn’t find a way to finish the sentence.

  Lauren hung back as Lucy went to comfort her. She was so good at being everyone’s support and shoulder to cry on. Among everything else, Lauren felt bad she didn’t know how to return that energy to her. Lucy probably dealt with things none of them even thought to ask about. Lauren would start being a more attentive friend to her, if she made it back.

  The three of them walked to the lounge, an easy guess for where the class would be holed up today.

  “You don’t think they’re already partying, do you?” Thalia asked as they climbed the steps. “It’s still early…”

  Lucy reached for the door. “I’m sure they’re taking this seriously—"

  A solid wall of noise hit them as soon as the doors opened. The place was a rowdy saloon. Sodas and energy drink cans already littered the tabletops. Most of the students were dressed in their costumes. A crowd had formed on the floorspace, banging their heads in sync. On the stage, Megumi and Anika, the two punks of the school, shredded on guitars and sung into mics.

  Daddy sat me down one day

  Told me girl, your body’s gonna change!

  I said, Daddy, I know puberty

  When things start getting weird.

  With blood, acne, and horny dreams

  I've heard the entire spiel.

  He told me, get ready for things besides

  Growing tits and thighs like the other girls!

  You’ll get speed or strength or wings to fly

  Your power’s gonna save the world!

  I just couldn’t wait for what I’d get

  I did everything right as I could

  I drank my milk, went early to bed.

  Dreamed of a shiny, pretty, hero girl!

  One wanted and understood!

  Checked the mirror in the morning, guess what I got instead?

  Claws and fangs, slimy skin

  And horns growing out of my head.

  Couldn’t show my face around the school

  I think I’d rather be dead!

  Ran away from home, just couldn't face it

  I'll be a monster instead!

  Now I eat snails and nails for breakfast!

  Turn entrails into a necklace!

  Life isn’t fair handing out its features

  To teens and other vicious creatures!

  Anika flashed devil horns while the crowd cheered them on. Vic the RA sat near the door. When Lauren looked at her she shrugged, defeated.

  “I tried team-building activities.”

  They skirted the crowd and found an uncluttered table near the back. As the crowd dispersed from in front of the stage, Lauren was brought back to her first night at Rosewell. She had been so intimidated by all these other kids, whom she had assumed all knew what they were doing and were better equipped to do it. Now, she was pretty sure they were all just tripping along, doing the best they could in ever-changing circumstances. She wasn’t sure if that realization made her feel better or worse.

  After a minute, a tap on the mic still set up made heads turn to back to the stage. Terry now stood on it, looking as dashing and perfect as ever. He wore his white costume with colorful lines. His oversized goggles rested on his forehead. He waved.

  “Hey everyone. Great music, huh? I can’t say that was my experience getting powers, but still, it got me pumped up. I thought maybe I’d give a little speech for our first big city-saving mission.”

  “Bro thinks he’s class president! I didn’t vote for you!” Vinny called.

  Terry waved his friend down with a smile.

  “Nah, we don’t have any class presidents. That’s something I want to say. No matter how big or small we are, no matter if we can bring down buildings or go toe to toe with bad guys, we’re all equal here at Rosewell. We all have a part to play to keep this city safe, and eventually the whole country and world. I’ve been seeing all of you train, and work teams, and I’m proud of all of you. We all have our own skills, and when we bring those skills together, nothing can stop us. This mission tonight is going to be a piece of cake. We are going to kick ass! Because we are the next generation of America’s superheroes!”

  The class cheered. No one at Lauren’s table was in the mood to join in.

  “Someone hand me a drink…” Terry kneeled and accepted a can held up for him. He hoisted it. “And I want to give a special shoutout to the badass ladies, and a couple dudes, who were smart enough to see through Dodds’ bullshit and brave enough to stand up to her. I only wish I didn’t have my head up my own ass to join them. Lauren, Lucy, Thalia, Ike, Billy, Anika, Maggie-Lou, and the rest. Let’s give them a frickin’ round of applause!”

  Heads turned to find them in the crowd as people clapped. Lauren accepted the adulation with weary silence. They didn’t even know why Dodds had told her about her plans. And she wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it if it wasn’t for luck. But she let them have it, if only because Lucy and the others deserved the praise.

  "And how 'bout Reagan and them, doing field work? Bet the New Lords didn't see that coming!"

  More cheers for them.

  Terry chugged his drink and said a few more concluding words before hopping off the stage.

  “What a prick.”

  They swiveled around. Anika had joined their table, her elbows resting on the edge. Her focus had been on Terry up on the stage. She cupped her chin and faced Lauren with her heavy-lidded eyes and a languid smile. “I don’t care if he liked the music or not. Did you?”

  “It was good,” Lauren answered. She did like it. The message of not recognizing what your body’s become resonated with her.

  Anika bobbed her head, her lick of dyed hair waving. Across the table, Lucy made an audible hmph. She clearly wasn’t Anika’s biggest fan after they had worked together on the rescue op. Lauren couldn’t blame her for feeling the way she did. Anika influencing the prisoners wasn't right. Still, there was some grounded realness about her, something similar she admired in Mara, but Anika wore it better. Despite her depressed mood, Anika’s focused attention made Lauren feel a strange sort of tingle. She averted her eyes.

  “So, secret agent on your special mission…” Anika walked her fingers towards Lauren. “After you’re done with your business, you want to grab a late-night burger with me?”

  Nervous warmth seeped through Lauren at the offer. She had felt Anika's attraction since that night they had looked at each other across the lounge. She didn’t find the idea entirely objectionable. Anika did have a sort of dark intensity she found alluring. And it helped that she was beautiful.

  She didn’t have to look at Lucy to feel her disapproval. She also didn’t need it to think of reasons not to. There was too much going on, and her heart was broken for other reasons. The abyss cleaving its way through her remained, and to say her head was a mess would be an understatement.

  “This isn’t a good time for me,” Lauren said. She kept it simple. Lucy was the only one fully caught up on her turbulent life. She didn’t have the time or the heart to bring a new person up to speed on all the reasons promising a date right now would be a bad idea.

  “Okay, I won’t pester you. Just thought I'd ask,” Anika said. “Let me know if you change your mind.”

  She stood to leave.

  “Anika.” Lauren said it before she even knew what she was going to say. Maybe she needed something to look forward to. That might help bring her through this. She had been aching for some form of connection.

  She forced the words out. “…I think you’re cute. When I have less going on… I’d like getting a burger with you.”

  Anika seemed surprised. Her eyes opened fully. Lauren had a moment of panic. Had she completely misread the situation? She thought she was being asked out in a romantic sort of way. Oh God, why did she have to call her cute? Stupid, stupid.

  The edge of Anika’s mouth curved up in a half-smile. “I think you’re cute too. Let me know when you’re ready.”

  Anika gave her a wink before walking off. Lauren exhaled. That felt like defusing a bomb. She suddenly started thinking about everything that might have gone wrong. Did she look okay during that? She hadn’t done anything to get ready this morning. And she had been crying. She probably looked like a hot mess. She ran her nails through her hair, wondering if it was tangled.

  She noticed Thalia and Lucy both watching her.

  “I have a date now, don’t I?”

  “Yeah.” Lucy wasn’t happy about it.

  Thalia was intrigued. “I didn’t know you liked girls.”

  “I don’t know what I like,” Lauren said. “Maybe both? Is that an option?”

  “That’s definitely an option,” Thalia said.

  “I should probably survive tonight, then,” Lauren thought out loud.

  “You should survive tonight anyway!” Lucy said. “And if it takes… her as motivation, I guess that works.”