The imp flapped his leathery wings to the display windows and spent a good few minutes staring outside.

  Once he was sure Isabella wasn't coming back, he floated back to Gaius and said, "Whew, that lightning bolt with tits is gone. Good. Her kind is exactly why you're here, pal. Can't stand even sharing a plane of existence with those holy types."

  The creature's face was full of disgust, even more so than usual.

  "Hey, Bes, aren't you supposed to not curse?" Gaius asked.

  "Yeah, so?"

  "You mentioned our guest's tits just now. Shouldn't you implode or something?"

  The imp cracked a sleazy smile. "Ah, I see how it is. A tart with a tight ass smacks you around and suddenly you're in love. Didn't know you were into that sort of stuff. Now I feel bad for insulting you all the time. It must have given you some ideas, you pervert."

  Gaius leaned towards the demon and whispered. "You know I could cleave you in two right here and now, and then tell the old man the local thugs did it?"

  The imp flew circles around Gaius cackling like a madman. "Now that's more like it, pal. No sappy stuff on my watch."

  "Look, Bes, I assure you, my interest in this is purely academic. I may be a shoddy Mystlunder, but even I have my share of arcane curiosity."

  "Fine." The imp planted himself on the counter by Gaius. "Tits, ass, those are animals too, pal. That thing that makes it so I can't curse can't tell context. A fella's gotta be inventive when his eloquence is at stake."

  "And that thing is?"

  "Nice try," the imp huffed.

  "Right," Gaius nodded. "You're not telling. Let's try something else, then. Why can't you be in the same room as Isabella?"

  "Can't is a strong word, pal. It's not so much that I can't be near her, it's that doing so disgusts me to my very core. These holy types are unbearable for a reasonable guy like yours truly. And don't forget about self-preservation. I may hate her and everything she stands for, but she's the one who'll try to send me back to hell the first chance she gets."

  "Isn't that what you want? To leave this boring place and go back home to your pools of lava?"

  "It's not that simple."

  "Why don't you enlighten me."

  The imp shook his scraggly head. "No can do, boss."

  "We're pals here, right?"

  "In your dreams, maybe. But seriously, if even that old bag of bones Vasily couldn't make me spill the beans, what chance does your undereducated ass has?"

  Gaius waved at the imp. "All these rules to follow. Are you even a real demon? What happened to chaos and mayhem? Come on, I've got to know how much truth there is to all those stories about gods and demons? Which of the many interpretations we have for them is correct? What awaits me once I kick the bucket?"

  The imp spat on the floor. "Humans. You're all the same. Here I thought you had some promise to not be boring. You and me, we're both bound to that warlock by a curse. That was a start. But nah, you're just like the rest of your kind."

  "Now you're just trying to hurt me."

  The imp chortled. "Look, I can answer your questions no more than you can survive without breathing. It's not some rule imposed on me by my boss. It's not a tradition. It's part of who I am. The same goes for those guys." The imp gestured at the ceiling with his thumb. "Humans can't get definitive answers about the divine because that would defeat the entire purpose of it."

  "Come on, I'm no theologian. That profound stuff rolls off me like water off a goose."

  "No, honestly, it's better that you don't know. Your puny minds wouldn't be able to comprehend the grandeur of divine plans. If you tried and got lucky, you would lose your mind. And if luck was not on your side that day, well chances are your entire being would become something else entirely, something too grisly even for me to describe."

  "Well, that was fucking illuminating," Gaius said. And when the imp growled in pain, he added, "Yes, I did that on purpose."

  The imp hissed and flew towards the potion stands.

  "Not my fault your kind is cursed with primitive brains," he said, and while Gaius was thinking of a comeback, threw a couple of red flasks at him.

  Acting on instinct, Gaius caught them right as they were about to hit him in the face. He looked around, puzzled by this sudden development.

  The store was devoid of customers, business hours were almost over, and the imp was sticking his forked tongue at him with a mischievous grin.

  "So that's how it's going to be." A grin of realization manifested itself on Gaius' face.

  "What, you scared?" The imp juked from side to side, making himself into a more difficult target.

  "Guess again, fiend," Gaius replied in his most righteous voice and chucked one of the flasks back at the imp.

  When the demon dodged that, Gaius launched the second flask, this time accounting for the imp's movement. This one broke open over one of his horns, drenching the creature in a pungent syrup.

  Things got out of hand from there.

  After a good dozen of flasks were smashed and a few sword racks overturned as barricades, the front door opened, forcing the two potion-flingers to stop what they were doing and turn to the visitor.

  Esven, the town's guard captain, looked around the store and couldn't help but whistle. Shards of broken glass were surrounded by puddles. Some of them steamed while others sparkled. Pretty much all of them stank.

  Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

  Then there was the fluttering demon ducking behind a pile of swords and Gaius, who stood on the counter with a big round shield in front of him.

  "You know," Esven said, his eyes darting between Gaius and the imp, "when all these missionaries from other countries come here to warn us about the end of times and demonic invasions, they never quite describe them like this."

  "Ah, captain," Gaius said between quick breaths, "this here is my colleague. You can call him Bes." The imp groaned at that introduction. "If this is about a noise complaint, don't you worry, we're just blowing off some steam after a successful first day."

  "Well, if this is what you call a siesta in Mystlund, I want to see what you consider a proper party," Esven said.

  Gaius jumped down from his vantage point and once again started to work on putting the shield back where it belonged.

  The imp mumbled a few annoyed phrases in his demonic tongue and got to cleaning, using whatever powers he possessed to will the broken glass and the other debris out of existence.

  Esven approached the counter. He waited for Gaius to be done with the shield, then said, "I wanted to give you shit for missing our appointment, but now I'm not even mad."

  The imp hissed behind Esven's back, causing the captain to flinch, making it clear that despite his nonchalant attitude, sharing a room with a demon was taking its toll on him.

  Before the conversation could continue, Gaius had to explain the imp's role in Vasily's enterprise, as well as his aversion to swearing.

  "I see," Esven said after hearing Gaius out. "And because we're men and not delicate flowers, I won't ask you why you blew me off today. I'll just warn you not to do it again. Otherwise, I'll have to duel you."

  "Fair enough," Gaius agreed. He was happy he didn't need to invent another tall tale.

  "And also, now you owe me one," Esven said.

  "You got it," Gaius agreed again, dreading the day he would have to do the lawman a favor.

  He didn't have to dread for long. Esven took off one of his armored gloves and after digging through his coin purse, produced the dark-lensed glasses he was wearing yesterday. Only now, they were split in half.

  "Don't worry, I won't ask you to make an honest woman of my sister," Esven said. "I just want you to find me another pair of shades just like this."

  Gaius examined the glasses. He'd never seen such spectacles prior to meeting Esven. The entire concept was unusual to him. As far as he could tell, they weren't even doing anything for his eyesight, they simply made the room darker when he tried looking through their mirror-like lenses.

  "What happened to them?" he asked the captain.

  "Just another day on this thankless job," Esven said. "I was chasing a pickpocket through the market. There was a chicken or maybe a melon on the road. You figure out the rest."

  Gaius put the halves of Esven's shades to his face. "Can you even see anything in these things? Far be it from me to teach you how to do your job, but isn't clear vision pretty important in your line of work?"

  "Believe it or not, they actually help you see in the dark," Esven said. "It just has to actually be dark outside. Plus, they give me an air of authority."

  "Get a load of this guy," the imp butted in. "You radiate authority by sitting in a big chair looking mad as a boar, not by chasing petty thugs like some nobody."

  "Shut up, Bes," Gaius shooed the imp away. He did agree with his point.

  And apparently so did Esven. "It's hard to break old habits, I suppose," he said in an apologetic tone. "So, can you help me?" he added.

  "Not really sure what you want me to do, to be honest," Gaius admitted.

  "You're a merchant in a store that sells a little bit of everything. You probably have loads of trinkets from the tunnels on sale here."

  "Why would I?"

  "I kind of figured adventurers unloaded their hauls here."

  "They don't. Or at least they haven't yet. This is my first day here, remember?"

  "Oh."

  The captain's dejected sigh gave Gaius an idea. Two, actually.

  "Not to worry," Gaius said. "This here is basically fancy glass and metal. Some of the most malleable and easy to transmute materials."

  He put the shades together, grabbed them by the broken bridge, and mumbled an incantation. His fingers radiated a flash of light. When it dissipated, the glasses were intact once again.

  "Here, good as new."

  With the shades restored, Esven put them on and started walking around the store, moving his head from side to side. He even opened and closed his mouth like a beached fish a few times for some reason. Satisfied, he gave Gaius a tap on the shoulder.

  "They still work, so that puts us even. Thanks," he said. "It's nice to be friends with a wizard."

  "I'm no wizard," Gaius replied. "This is just parlor tricks."

  "Come on, you're being too modest."

  "I'm really not," Gaius insisted.

  "He's really not," the imp backed Gaius' self-deprecation.

  "Doesn't matter, I'm still thankful," Esven said. "Now, let's get to business."

  "There's business?" Gaius wasn't overly enthused by the prospect of getting dragged into official Caladonian matters.

  "Yup. This isn't just a social call. Magistrate Ramirez sent me to fetch you. He wants to welcome our town's newest merchant personally. "

  "What does he want?" Gaius asked with a pinch of caution.

  Esven scratched the back of his head. "Beats me. Probably just butter you up with honeyed words." He lowered his voice then. "He might be under the impression you're from Slavia. We don't get a lot of Slavians in these parts."

  "And why would he think that?"

  "Up until yesterday, we all thought we'll be getting the real Vasily. And today, I'll be honest, I kind of forgot to mention you weren't him."

  "Great." Gaius' tone was anything but.

  "Don't worry. You'll introduce yourself to the big man, eat some nice food, drink some good wine. It's the perfect evening."

  The mere mention of food reminded Gaius that he barely ate anything that day.

  "I could eat," he agreed. "You go ahead, and I'll join you outside. I need to leave instructions with my associate here."

  Esven saluted Gaius, then the imp, and left the store.

  "What now?" the imp asked, catching Gaius' gaze.

  The promise of free food clouded Gaius' thoughts with juicy hams and dishes full of olives the size of his fist.

  "Listen, how loyal are you to Vasily?"

  "Only as far as the contract specifies," the imp replied. "Why?" His head was tilted with the weight of curiosity.

  "You know how the old man took most of my money and is paying me precisely nothing?"

  The imp chortled. "Yeah, it was a funny joke. Very cruel."

  "Anyway," Gaius cut the imp's fun short. "I'm thinking of running a side business from here. Selling all the garbage that's apparently scattered around in the catacombs under this town."

  "Not interested," the imp said.

  "You don't have to do anything," Gaius pointed out.

  "Starting to sound better." The imp nodded.

  "Basically, you keep doing what you're doing, and I'll deal with all the weirdos looking for glasses that make you see worse and whatever other wonders this place holds. We won't mention any of this to Vasily, of course."

  "Of course," the imp nodded. "What's in it for me?"

  "I would offer you a cut," Gaius said. "But something tells me you don't really need money. So what if instead whenever you decide to go haunt the local bathhouse or curdle some milk, or whatever it is your kind does for fun, I'll cover for you. And you can expect my reports to be more favorable. Like today. We didn't break dozens of potions having a bit of fun. We'll write them off as shrinkage. And, you can stop wearing the hat, I won't tell."

  Gaius wasn't even done talking when the hat flew on the floor, where it started to sizzle until just a charred mess was left in its stead.

  The imp said, "Alright, alright, I'm game, just stop talking already. Geez, pal, with such persistence a fella might think you were trying to get in his pants."

  "You're not wearing any."

  "Yeah. It's liberating. Now go get some of that grub and give me my space. I can't take being around your ugly mug any longer."

  "Right back at you."

  Gaius saluted the imp just like Esven did not so long ago, and left the store. Outside he found Esven propping up the fence. The two men set out for the town hall.

  The sun was getting ready to settle down for the night, but the captain was still wearing his shades. One swift movement later, Gaius had them on, marveling at the bright outlines the surrounding buildings now had. Outlines quite similar to those granted by the infravision potions he quaffed last night.

  With the glasses back on the slightly confused Esven, Gaius asked, "But how do you wear a helmet with those things?"

  "I don't. They're incompatible."

  "Isn't a helmet pretty important for a constable?"

  "Not if you don't get hit in the head."

  "I'm not really sure how to argue with that."

  "That just means I'm right," Esven said. "Minor as they are, this is an artifact of the goddesses. And you just got artifac'd."

  "You know how that sounds, right?" Gaius asked.

  Esven turned to him and raised the shades, then winked.

  "That's why I said it."

  Story Facts - Chapter 9