I was trying to forget this name, but it haunted me everywhere I went. Ramon was always a popular man. In his late twenties, he opened his own business teaching people about mermaids. A charismatic personality combined with a hot-topic idea brought him quick success. Nowadays, he is an icon. A lonely man in his thirties, living alone in an old apartment, wearing cargo shorts, sandals, and dirty T-shirts. Not someone you would expect to become the face of a peaceful city. However, Ramon was famous. Everyone knew him either personally or through local news. His services as a mermaid expert were called upon after each incident on the shores, weird sightings on the water, or simply for debates with non-believers. He had everyone in the city wrapped around his finger. Only a few knew how cruel he actually was, and of those, even fewer thought he was wrong. People who doubted him or disliked him were considered brainless haters. Because of that, each time his name came up in a conversation, I had to keep my opinions to myself. Biting my tongue and staying quiet as a survival strategy. I couldn’t erase his face and being from my life, but I tried to push it to my periphery. The next time I heard his name was from the one I never expected to bring it up.

  It was the end of May. A foggy evening on the beach with Sakharkarkhan. We were lying on the sand in each other’s arms, looking at the sky. It was a little chilly for the last days of spring, yet it never worried me. Suddenly, Han interrupted our quiet peace.

  “I need to tell you something,” he started.

  His nervous and sad tone immediately woke me from my daydreaming.

  “I won’t be able to see you until autumn.”

  “Why?” I questioned in surprise.

  “Summer, especially the early months, is too dangerous for me. There are people who would try to hunt me down. I can’t risk it, no matter how badly I will miss you.”

  I thought about it for a moment. Han was right. Ramon and his new batch of lapdogs would be waiting for their chance to prove themselves, and this summer our government wanted to organise a full-blown campaign to hunt mermaids. I would never want Sakharkarkhan to get in the middle of it.

  “Is there any way I could see you during those months? Like on the water, or if I travel somewhere else?” I asked, hoping to find a way.

  “I understand why you are asking this, but I don’t think it would be wise. It would be much safer for me to just lie low and wait until it’s over,” he explained.

  “I get it,” I kissed him on the forehead.

  I thought the conversation was over and lay back, wondering about the three long months of loneliness waiting for me. However, Sakharkarkhan had something else to share.

  “Remember I told you long ago that I know the man who came with you to the beach that evening? The first time we met.”

  “Ramon. What about him?” just the thought of him made my tone rougher.

  “He’s the one who makes it dangerous for me to come here. He knows me, and he tries to get to me every year.”

  “What do you mean?”

  I felt Han’s body tense up. He pressed closer to me, avoiding my gaze.

  “I told you before that my attempts to find a human to mate with were unsuccessful for two years before you. Well, I want to tell you why,” Sakharkarkhan spoke in a heavy voice.

  I said nothing, simply held him tight, and listened to his story.

  “When I came here for the first time, I already knew what I needed to do. My parents made sure I was ready before the day for it officially came. I still remember that summer. It was late evening. The beaches were empty. I came only to look around, but I saw someone in the water. It was a young man, swimming alone. It was a perfect opportunity. I took him, pulling him underwater. At first, he panicked, trying to swim away and escape my grip. I brought him to the surface to breathe, trying to show him he could trust me. After he took a couple of breaths, I pulled him under again. After a second ascent he stopped resisting. I pulled him around, still figuring out if he knew what was going on. When he started to mimic my movements, I began the usual routine of trying to seduce him. He responded well. I thought myself lucky to do it on the first try. If only I knew how mistaken I was. I brought him to the beach, allowed him to have sex with me, but he was rough. Very rough. Despite me being aroused, it was painful, yet I kept thinking it would be worth it. If he did what I needed him to, then it would be over and I could forget about it. However, when the moment came, he pulled out and came on my stomach instead of inside. I tried to ask him why he would do that, and he said that it didn’t matter. I explained why I needed him to come inside me, but… he laughed. He left me on the beach and went away. At the moment, I was very disappointed, but I moved on. You might have guessed who that man was.”

  “Ramon,” I replied dryly.

  “Yes. It wasn’t nice, what he did, but it wouldn’t stop me from trying again. I came back. One evening, I saw a man swimming alone again. I took him. Immediately, I sensed that something was wrong. It seemed he knew my moves. He touched me first. As I brought him to the surface to breathe, I recognised him. It was the same man as before. It was a bad idea, but I decided to try it again with him. I brought him to the shore, everything like usual, but he was rough again. Even worse this time. It was so painful that I couldn’t take it. I attempted to throw him off me, but he pressed me down and used me without any concern for my wellbeing. He didn’t give me what I needed again. I lashed out at him, yelling that it wasn’t fair, but he only pushed my head into the sand and told me to be thankful for what he did.”

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  “That piece of shit,” I commented, holding Han closer to myself.

  “That summer, I saw him several more times, but I avoided him. I learned that he wouldn’t give me what I needed and would only hurt me, so there was no point in attempting to take him. In the end, I left with nothing. Next year I came back, hoping not to see that man again. There were many more hunters that time, so my options were extremely limited. When I saw an unfamiliar young man swimming along the coastline, I took him. At first, he panicked, then he mimicked me. It didn’t raise any suspicion in me, so I did the whole routine and brought him to the shore. I was ready to let him in, but then I heard someone running. It was that man again. He pushed the guy off me, taking his place. I tried to fight him, but he and that other man beat me up until I allowed him to use me. As he did that, the second man grabbed my face and forced my mouth open. I’m sure that if not for my sharp teeth, he would have forced himself on me as well. When they finished, not giving me what I needed again, they beat me up some more. I remember them laughing, enjoying my suffering. I managed to escape into the water and run home. After seeing what those people did to me, Karakhrane and Raskarerkne wanted to hunt and eat them, but I convinced them to leave both of them alone.”

  “Why? Why not make them pay for what they did?” I was indignant.

  “I’m not at liberty to be their judge and executioner, neither are Karakhrane or Raskarerkne.”

  “But they hurt you, they raped you! They should’ve been punished.”

  I was so angry. Just the thought of that monster hurting my sweet Han made me see red. I couldn’t comprehend why he was so eager to let him get away with it.

  “It was never my place to make that decision. If they wanted to live the rest of their lives with the knowledge of what they did, I would let them. In any case, I didn’t want to go back for a while, but the eggs were on their last days, and I was getting desperate. When I came back, I learned just how dangerous humans can actually be. I still hadn’t healed properly, and I couldn’t have imagined that that man would organise a whole army to capture me. He and several others attacked me as soon as I arrived, as if knowing that I would come back. That time I learned to evade blades. I’m so glad that our bodies regenerate so successfully, otherwise I would be covered in scars.”

  “Why did he do that? Do you know?”

  “He wanted me alive, but hurt. To tire me out so that I couldn’t fight him when he got his hands on me.”

  “Tell me you left after that,” I almost pleaded, knowing well that it wasn’t the end of the story.

  “That year I did. It took me almost a month to heal the wounds.”

  “I know you came back the next year, it’s obvious. What I can’t understand is why? Is having children worth all of that?”

  “It is in our case,” Han admitted in a sad voice. “We didn’t have much choice if we wanted our descendants to be healthy. And yes, I knew that man and his new army waited for me. I don’t really know why I still went for all of you that time. I knew it was his doing, but I thought… maybe this time one of you would take the final blow.”

  Sakharkarkhan mumbled the last part of his sentence. I was fuming with rage. He was such a kind-hearted young man, lying here in my arms. Despite my knowing well how cruel Ramon was, I couldn’t even imagine how much worse it was for Han. The pain and suffering Ramon caused him. The actions of that monster made this beautiful mermaid wish to die. I couldn’t hold my anger in. However, then I thought of something I had wondered about for a long time:

  “If you knew I was with Ramon, why did you take me?”

  Han kept quiet for a moment, probably thinking how to respond. I felt his muscles relaxing in my tight grip. Only then did I notice how strongly I was squishing him, pressing him to my chest as if it would shelter him from the bad memories. I loosened my arms, relaxing my body with a deep exhale. Still without meeting my eyes, Sakharkarkhan said:

  “You seemed… different. As if you didn’t want to be there. As if someone made you do it. You were the only one without a weapon, and you weren’t hostile towards me. Others came in screaming, trying to pretend to swim with me only to attempt stabbing me. I threw them around for a little, just to cool them down, and let them go when they seemed to be getting weak. Then there was you. You walked into the water slowly, swam elegantly, like you didn’t even care that I was there, and then… I didn’t have to pull you. You simply dived in and went for the bottom. I remember observing you with confusion, how you stood there, enjoying the flow of the water around you. When you wouldn’t swim up to take a breath, I became slightly concerned, so I took you myself.”

  “I remember that. It was so strange seeing everyone return bloodied, while it seemed like you didn’t care about me being there at all.”

  “Despite you being strangely calm, I still distrusted you.”

  “And yet you seduced me and took me to the shore.”

  “If you’re searching for a logical reason, I don’t think there is one. I want to think it was luck or destiny that motivated me to do that, but you also responded so well. You seemed to be into it, the way you touched and kissed me.”

  “I had no idea what I was doing,” I chuckled. “I was so worried I would hurt you without knowing.”

  “And then you gave me the best sex I had in years,” Han said, finally making eye contact with me.

  A slight smile crossed our lips as we stared at each other. I kissed him gently, embracing him tightly once more. We moved on from that horrific conversation, but I would never forget it. It made me hate Ramon even more.

  Later, I looked into it and figured out that Ramon opened his practice as a ‘mermaid expert’ after his first encounter with Sakharkarkhan. By the second year of Han coming here, that man had already grown his business and found followers who apparently were willing to listen to him. Now that I knew much more about mermaids and about Ramon, I couldn’t believe I ever trusted him. I went through his bullshit training, for gods’ sake, that barely taught us anything except how to resist being drowned. So many lies he fed us as facts were nothing more than his own imagination. I was ready to rip him to pieces with my own bare hands, but Han was against it. His pacifist soul craved no revenge. He was still saddened by the events of the past, yet refused to dwell on it. If only I could do the same.