71: A Little Too Hungry for Heaven

  "I suggest you flee," Fiora said from the floor. To Kim, the dragonspawn looked a smidgen healthier, but still on the edge of death. "The all-powerful version of Blayre will be worse than D?s-K?. Shove me out the broken window. My body will be washed down the Bretbachneil River and out into Bruce Bay and I'll float to the ends of the Deep Purple Ocean."

  "We won't be shoving anyone." Lita went over to the arch that she had just sent the librarians through and banged it with her staff. The rest of it collapsed. She looked around the room; all the other portals were broken. Nearly every bit of Blayre-created magic had been sucked out of the room by the wizard. The room did not glitter or glow with even the slightest bit of opulence.

  "Do any of us have magic that will transport us?" Uncle Gord asked.

  "JoJett has been drained by use," Lita said. "She will gain enough power after about a week in the sun, and then I could summon screaming eagles to save us."

  "There are screaming eagles in Metaloria?" Damon asked. "Like on my staff?"

  "Yes, quite large and made of metal, but they fly. They were originally born on the Metal Moon but that is a long story."

  "To be saved by eagles has been a dream of mine since I was a kid," he said dreamily. "Did you know—"

  "We need to concentrate on this moment," Kim said, though not harshly which in her mind was a bit of a miracle—The Ex-Boyfriend Who'd Dragged Her To See Lord of the Rings In The Theatre Without Warning Her It Was A Trilogy had also spoken of being saved by eagles and how they could really change the story of the movie and novels, and she didn't want to be reminded of that.

  "Even the Bag of Ultimate Rock Surprises doesn't work." Lita shook the open bag; all that emerged was dust.

  "I continue to be at peace with the idea of being thrown out the window." Fiora pointed weakly at the enormous hole in the thick glass. "I won't ever have to hear his voice again. That's metal heaven." She lowered her hand. "Please."

  Kim wondered if that was the first time she'd heard Fiora say please.

  "No," Damon said. "You heard Lita. We are getting out of here. All of us. Right, Lita?"

  Rainbow Island was thundering even louder. Though held up by a rainbow, there were also massive thunderclouds below it roiling with bolts of lightning that struck the ground. "We might have drawn the Ace of Spades," Lita said. "We should all throw ourselves over the cliff."

  "What?" Kim asked.

  "I'm kidding," she said. "I do fear, judging by the power coming out of Rainbow Island, what Blayre has transformed into. And I am at a loss how to escape."

  "If there is no way out," Uncle Gord said. "We should fortify our defenses. The longer we can hold him at bay—"

  "I know what to do," Kim interrupted.

  "Oh, no." Fiora let out a smoker's chuckle. "We are truly doomed if our saviour is this frail spawner."

  Kim ignored her. Every single person was now looking her way. "I think it will work."

  She lifted the Horn of Udo from her belt. It had an extra hole in it now and was scratched and dull, but perhaps because it had been shielded by her body, the magic hadn't been sucked out of it. She raised it to her lips. It was still warm, which suggested that there might be magic inside. She sucked in a deep lung-filling breath of air, as her voice coach had taught her, and blew into the horn, all the time concentrating on bringing the most powerful entity she could. The horn sounded nowhere near as loud as it had been before, but unfortunately it was still a wet, farty noise.

  She imagined the vargs pausing in their run, picturing Coverdale pricking up his ears and turning her way. She blew and blew, calling him to come across the plains, leap over rivers and mountains. Over anything that stood in their way. Maybe they could get here before the massive island arrived.

  She blew until her breath was all gone. She set down the horn.

  "Did it work?" Damon asked.

  "I honestly don't know," Kim said.

  The island had blotted out the sun and was lowering out of the sky towards Blayre's palace; the thunder making more pieces of glass and mortar fall into the room. A great keep stood on that island, which had the words Sacred Heart on the walls, except that they had been scratched out as if with crayons and now read Blayre's Ultimate Tower Of Rock.

  "Does that mean it is a tower made of rock?" Uncle Gord said. "Or it has rock and roll inside it."

  The wry observation calmed Kim. Even with death and destruction before them, he could make a joke.

  Lita laughed. "Clearly, Blayre was in a hurry. And maybe he doesn't have full control of his powers yet."

  Blayre appeared at the very top of that tower, his hair now a platinum blond and catching the sun. His outfit was of the darkest and tightest leather. A red cloak fluttered on his shoulders. It could have been an album cover.

  "Behold, it is I the exciter," he said into his mic, and the voice carried in a god-like tone. "I am the tyrant you have all been dreaming of. Down on your knees and repent!"

  "Oh great," Fiora said. "Good gods pluck me."

  A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

  Kim recoiled only slightly at what she thought was a swear word, but the motion caught Fiora's eye. "It means take me away from this world now," Fiora explained to Kim. "Not that there is time to explain that to you. We are all going to be blotted out soon."

  "Uh, thanks."

  A stairway formed, step by step, from the top of the tower down to Blayre's Palace. Kim imagined Blayre could snap his fingers and be here, but he wanted them to watch his descent.

  "Help me stand," Fiora said. Gord grabbed her hand, and though it was clearly an effort, he got her to stand and placed her arm over his shoulder.

  "Your uncle is a good spawner," Fiora said to Kim. "There is hope for you yet."

  Lita brought up her staff, which was sparking with a reserve of green energy. Damon did the same with the Screaming Eagle Staff, and Kim drew Strümbringer.

  Blayre continued to descend the steps, one leathery movement at a time. There were hundreds of steps, she realized. So, this might take an hour. His lips were moving, but no sound came out.

  Lita put her hand to her ears. He was no longer holding the head of the king. He flicked a switch and continued, "You will be thunderstruck before my power and my glory."

  "Someone cut off my ears," Fiora said. "This will be a painful gloating."

  "Metal Dad won't kill me, right?" Jam asked.

  "He's not your dad," Damon said. "Please get that through your head."

  "I needed a dad," Jam whispered. "I'd have one if it weren't for the milk."

  There wasn't time to solve his paternal problems. "We could still run," Kim said. "Maybe split up and go back into the halls below us. One of us might live."

  Lita shook her head. "We would die, one by one, in horrible ways."

  Blayre was now halfway down the stairs, music coming from the tower as if it were a massive speaker. A song played in the background. It was so loud that parts of his old palace were falling into the water below. Behind them, there was also a crashing.

  It made her realize it wasn't just the song making all the noise. The rumble behind them had become a separate thing. Could it be that the entire palace was falling apart? Her guess seemed to becoming true when the wall behind them fell over, scattering gold bricks into the room.

  Kim gasped, and they all turned to look behind them.

  There was a rock turtle floating a few feet above the floor.

  "So," Peart said, "you may have inadvertently, but I hope on purpose, called me with that horn. Now if it was on purpose and not accidental, because sometimes these things happen with magical instruments, I am here to aid you in whatever way I can." Then he looked at Fiora with his wise, old eyes that held a glistening hint of satisfaction. "See, dragonspawn, I can fly."

  72 Not A Magic Carpet Ride

  "You can fly," Fiora rasped.

  Kim watched as the turtle drew in a deep breath, which sounded a little asthmatic, and that made her picture the turtle wearing glasses. Maybe his middle name was Arthur. "Yes," Peart began, "when last we met, you questioned sarcastically my ability to fly. Even though rock turtles such as I, Peart, do not get offended by such injurious and spurious and clearly un-intellectual insults, I know now you need my flying ability. There is what some might consider a delicious and substantive irony in that fact. Do I need to explain the concept of irony and how it applies to this situation?" Peart looked slowly from one face to another settling her gaze on Fiora.

  Kim glanced behind her to see that Blayre was still slowly traversing the stairs, enjoying his soon to be delicious revenge. His theme song continued to rumble.

  "Yes, yes, we get the irony, and you can fly," Fiora said. "I was wrong. Stupidly so. Now, fly us out of here."

  "Wellllll." Peart drawled. "I would be remiss if I did not mention that you previously said specifically that I was floating, not flying. In fact, if I may remember further, and I shall, you also intimated that a flying carpet was a better conversationalist."

  "I didn't intimate it," Fiora said. "I said it."

  "This isn't really helping," Lita said. "What we need is—"

  "What she said is clearly and provably wrong," Peart said. "If this were a revenge situation, and I were the vengeful type, I would ask such questions as 'What do you think about my conversational skills now? How do you like the fact that I fly by day and fly by night?' As you know, I think about everything, including rabbit defecation and its place in the universe, which is a topic that I perhaps mentioned to this young woman earlier."

  "Yes, yes, you're smart and a brilliant conversationalist," Fiora said. "And I am dumb. So very dumb. Now, fly us out of here."

  Kim glanced back to see that Blayre was making a rainbow of flames pour out of either side of him. It was music that she almost recognized. There were also lightning bolts shooting out of either side of him, which seemed an odd combination with the fire rainbows. It was as if he couldn't settle on one impressively destructive power.

  "Please, Peart," Kim said. "May we climb on your back? We can discuss all of Fiora's failings as we fly away."

  The rock turtle slowly turned his wise eyes to her. "You are correct, my kind, sweet, short-lived human. Enough of my time in the limelight. Yes, I suggest that, with speed and dexterity, perambulate, or that is the wrong word since it suggests a slower walk, you should, with great speed, leap or hop or race onto my back, and I will fly out the direction in which I arrived. Notice I said the word fly, not float, though I may be at risk of belabouring that point."

  The group did not need to hear the request twice. Gord and Damon dragged Fiora onto the turtle's rocky back. And Lita stepped on beside them. As if she were stepping onto a carousel, looking for a handhold, Kim jumped onto the back.

  "Jam," Damon said. "Come on."

  "I'll wait for Metal Dad," Jam said. "He'll make me strong again. And there will be so many chicks. Rock chicks, not country chicks."

  But Blayre, squinting and now seeing the turtle, cursed aloud and sent a lightning bolt that burst apart the stone floor at Kim's feet.

  "He will kill you, Jam," Uncle Gord said. "And trade your brains to the nearest evil librarian. You are safest with us."

  Peart was slowly turning around.

  "But…" Jam pointed at his arms. "I was shredded, and I could really shred. It was heaven."

  Uncle Gord held out a hand. "You don't need him to make you strong. You are strong enough on your own."

  Another bolt of lightning blasted a hole right in front of Peart. "I suggest the hesitating mortal speed up his decision-making process, and weigh the good and bad quickly, or I shall be forced to depart without his presence."

  "He says hurry!" Kim said.

  "You, Cool Chick, want me to go with you?" Jam asked. "You still want me?"

  "I never wanted… uh," Kim said. "Yes, come with us. As a friend."

  "Oh."

  Blayre had landed in the hole in the wall, and Jam looked over. The wizard exuded power like a perfume, reality itself seeming to fold around him.

  "This is my holy war and the punishment is due!" the wizard said.

  "My dads always let me down in the end," Jam whispered.

  And Kim held out her hand, and he took it in a non-creepy way and jumped on.

  "I will rock you like a hurricane," Blayre shouted.

  "You said that once before," Fiora said.

  "I will blot you all out," Blayre shouted, the lightning coming out his ears. The rainbow of fire and the lightning reached towards them.

  "Now, with your hands and paws, hold tightly," Peart said. "This will be acceleration unlike any you have felt and could lead to a loss of life if your goal is not to stay on my back."

  Then, with a speed that was unbelievable, they were through the hole in the opposite wall and halfway across the courtyard before Kim had blinked.

  The look on Blayre's face grew angrier. He gestured, sending a fireball towards them. It came closer and closer, becoming larger until it was clear it was about to destroy all of them. Then Peart found another level of speed, so that in moments the fireball was left behind.

  "You have not yet expressed a destination," Peart said. "I will need to know that beforehand so that we can have time to slow properly before landing. Do you have an inkling of where you would like to be transported?"

  "I have an idea about that," Lita said. "But my companions may not like it."