LYSSANDRA

  ‘’All these dresses for me?’’ Akila gasped with a hidden smile as she was holding one of my golden dresses.

  I replied with a nod. ‘’I think that they suit you more than me.’’

  ‘’Thank’’She tried to say, but she cleared her throat and looked away. ‘’I shouldn’t.’’

  Even if she looked older than me, it was so adorable to see her hiding her blush.

  ‘’I heard that the caravan are going to stay for one more night, ‘’I told her.’’Come with me tonight.’’

  If I had asked her, she would have said no. Even if she wanted to come. So, commanding her it was.

  At night, we both dressed up in two fine fabrics with green and golden details, and I also gave Akila a pair of azure earrings.

  The festival was as bright as the night before, and Akila was forcing herself so hard to stay still. But then, the dance began, and a young man walked closer to us with a pink flower held in his hand. His eyes were a pair of stars when he was facing Akila, and she was trying to face away.

  ‘’It’s alright’’I whispered.

  ‘’Lady, I-’’

  ‘’Go have fun.’’ I squeezed her arm tight and pushed her with the man, who was now blushing from head to toe. Akila hummed out as she grabbed his hand and moved to the dance, and I watched their movements become in sync with the music.

  What was that pain in my stomach?

  ‘’She seemed to have fun…’’Hummed Hermes behind me. Now, he had a different disguise, of a young, charming man with a shaved face and deep blue eyes.

  ‘’Yes’’I nodded and kept looking at her movements. Her lips were so wide from smiling that they could stick to her ears.

  ‘’Shall we dance too?’’He leaned on the top of my shoulder.’’It’s been decades since I saw you dance.’’

  ‘’Just keep your side of the bargain’’I grunted and walked to one of the caravans that were selling duck thighs with heavy leaves.

  ‘’And you keep yours, Lyssandra’’He sighed and walked away.

  The festival finally ended, and Akila walked near the port.

  ‘’Was he nice?’’I winked at her as I was staring at the pink flower. Her cheeks let out a blush.

  But then her smile faded, and she looked down.

  ‘’What’s the matter?’’I asked.

  Akila took a deep breath and showed her dark hair which, in the moonlight, golden threads appeared. Golden, glowing threads.

  ‘’I simply miss my home, lady’’She whispered. ‘’I am thankful for everything you have done for me, but I.‘’

  She looked up. Up, so I couldn’t see her crying. She then licked her lips and realized from her expression how old she had gotten. The dark hair was actually dark gray, her wrinkles were heavy on her forehead, and her hands were trembling even in the hot night.

  I look old, too, in my disguise. Hermes made sure of that. But I knew that I hadn’t aged a second.

  ‘’Do you wish to go back to your home?’’

  Her soft stubbornness caused her to throw out her tears. She was being sold far from her home for years, thinking that she would never see her family again. I understood that she couldn’t simply say it.

  However, in the end, she nodded, and I held her hand.

  ‘’Tell me, please, where you want to go.’’

  ‘’Lady, what are you talking about?’’ Akila spoke, but I squeezed her hand tighter.

  And she told me the name, and the silver hawk listened.

  ***

  Ea Nasir was dead. His cold body was lying right in front of me, and Hermes was flying all around it, frustrated. I tried to calm him down, but he let out a grunt.

  ‘’This is not my region, Lyssandra do you understand what you have done?’’

  I looked back at the man again and shrugged. I suppose I shouldn’t have killed him there. But also, he shouldn’t have tricked me. And what was the power he was talking about?

  ‘’Never mind, we just have to… go’’He opened his hand. ‘’Trip is done’’He tried to hold my hand, but I backed away.

  ‘’No,’’I refused. I couldn’t say it to his face, but I actually grew fond of that place. And of course, I couldn’t let Akila.

  ‘’What will happen to her?’’ I asked.

  He shrugged. ‘’I bought her for cheap, I might send her to a broth-’’

  I simply stared at him. The woman was far too old for that, but Hermes did not seem to care.

  And then, he grinned. ‘’What is with you and lost causes?’’ He asked me.

  I shook my head. She was a good woman, and I simply wanted to help her.

  ‘’I will help her out’’He admitted, and my gaze lifted up.

  Tell her what she wants to hear. Ea Nassir said to him.

  What did he want in return again?

  I walked further from him and noticed that the sun was waking up. If someone had come… My head lowered down, and I thought about Artemis’ mark.

  ‘’But what can you do for me, my dear wife?’’ He whispered in my ear.

  ‘’How about I will forget that you tricked me for decades, and I won’t try to kill you’’I said, smiling.

  He let out a chuckle. ‘’Want to see you try’’His lips twitched, and his hand found my bandaged wrist.

  ‘’Cute’’He huffed, and I pushed myself away from him.

  So that’s what he wanted. Every sign of saving myself disappears.

  I was now in a hot desert with a river away from me and Akila. The sun is so bright with the threads playing games down to the ground. Akila loved it, though. She was gasping and trying to pinch herself and wake up.

  Go on, say your farewells. Hermes spoke inside my head.

  Akila returned to me and squeezed my hands. ‘’How did you do that?’’Her tears of joy were a feast for the dry ground.

  ‘’Let me stay for a while,’’ I whispered to him.

  There was no answer, but I could feel his presence missing. And so did his power when I finally returned to my normal form. And Akila’s eyes snapped wide.

  Well, I did try to explain to her everything, but the woman fell to her knees. And the sun was so bright, it was making the golden threads of her head glow like jewels.

  ‘’Listen, I am not a goddess.’’

  ‘’I know, my Oracle’’She whispered with joy, and my heart sank listening to that name. I haven’t heard someone calling me that in centuries. And I knew that it couldn’t be possible. My lips parted, about to ask her so many questions. However, Akila grabbed me by the hand, and we both began running far from the hot sun. Where was she taking me?

  She told me that when she was a kid, she was getting out of the darkness. I didn’t understand then that what she meant was a cave underground. A giant fig tree was guarding the gate with golden threads wrapped around the branches. Akila chuckled and gave one to me.

  ‘’So, they will not find you’’She explained like a kid, showing me her game.

  ‘’Akila, I think that you are mistaken about..’’She wouldn’t let me finish when she wrapped the thread around my wrist, and then, she forced me to walk down the cave.

  Inside the darkness, my mind was rushing to a million thoughts. Was this another trap? None should have known me. It shouldn’t have happened, I made a deal with Hermes so many years ago. The pressure in my chest was pushing me down to Tartarus. No, it was not true. It couldn’t be. Another trick.

  But when the light finally appeared, I was inside an underground city. I lifted my head up and saw that the end of the cave was further than I imagined, with the sun being a simple, faraway light. The houses were dressed with heavy roots, while people seemed to live at peace with their herds of sheep. But not just any sheep. Those had wools made of gold.

  ‘’Mama’’ Akila cried and rushed to a very old woman who had the shape and size of a raisin. She was sitting on the stairs of one of the houses while her lips were humming a song.

  But I knew that song.

  ‘’Mama’’Akila cried, and the granny’s eyes opened wide. My gaze also shifted around the people who were staring at me with mistrust. Even some people tried to raise their spears, but they did not. They were even stepping back.

  ‘’Akila?’’ The granny cried, with Akila embracing her tightly.

  ‘’I am back, Mama’’She sniffed, and the woman turned to me. ‘’I am back, everyone, and look who I bought’’

  The granny grabbed one big branch for her to stand and just like everyone, they walked closer to me. Now, I was surrounded by an entire village, old and young, with eyes filled with amusement.

  ‘’She is the one who brought me back. She did it,’Akila laughed.

  ‘’It’s fine’’I nodded and felt the need to go away. But the granny hit my leg with her cane and showed me that I had to kneel down. So I did, and the granny grabbed my face to pull me closer.

  ‘’What’s your name, girl?’’The granny asked.

  My lips opened and then shut. I couldn’t say it to them. What if it’s a trick again? Another play of Hermes. But I gave up.

  ‘’My name is Lyssandra, old lady.’’I explained, and her eyes snapped as she moved her fingers deeper into my cheek. And everyone else began gasping.

  ‘’It’s you’’She whispered.’’It’s really you.’’

  And as I stood up, everyone began to fall on their knees.

  That pressure again. The close-up inside my throat. Something was off.

  ‘’Why are you doing this?’’I asked .’Get up, please.’’ I tried to command but my voice was breaking.

  The granny stood up and blinked in confusion while a mother with a chubby infant walked closer to me, and I now noticed that everyone was wearing a golden thread around their body, and not only that. Everyone looked so familiar to me.

  ‘’Come’’The granny said with her hand.’’Our village was expecting you long before we were even ideas.’’

  I followed her inside the house, and I snapped my wrist away from her raisin granny.

  ‘’Is this a trick?’’I asked her. ‘’Are you a goddess? Trying to punish me for what I did?’’My lungs were being suffocated by the pressure.

  The woman blinked and shook her head. ‘’Just come with me, Oracle.’’

  My teeth gritted. ‘’Stop calling me that’’ I rasped, and I kept following her in the dark house until I ended up against the dead-end wall. And there it was. A mural, a painting with bright colors of a dark haired woman, a deformed dark haired woman who was facing down. Her hands were painted red, but they were actually bringing light to the people.

  That woman was me.

  ‘’You don’t understand how long we had waited for you.’’

  ‘’That’s a game for you, right?’’I asked, laughing and moving my head around, searching for a hawk, a dove, anything to remind me of the man who was messing with my mind.

  ‘’Oracle is something wrong.’’

  I shook my head. ‘’Stop saying that name, I am not…you cannot ‘’My body shrank and sat down from the mural that looked like me.

  ‘’They told us about you’’The hag spoke again. ‘’About a kind, beautiful woman with a honey sweet soul, saving every misfit and mere mortal that was coming in your way.’’

  My face went blank.’’Eh?’’I asked.

  ‘’They told us that you tried everything to save them, even lying and becoming an enemy of the gods. An Oracle they called you’’The hag kept talking like I was this type of woman.

  ‘’But one of them,’

  Who are they?

  ‘’Listen’’I laughed and tried to stand up.’’You got the wrong woman, I am many things but I am not…’’ I forced myself to walk away, but the hag stopped me.

  ‘’You are her, there is no doubt.’’ She muttered.

  ‘’Look, lady, I don’t know how much Hermes has paid you, but this goes too far.’’ I was so close to getting out of the sick joke, but the woman slapped me on my right cheek.

  ‘’She said that you are a stubborn wench’’ The hag rasped.

  She? I blinked, confused, and then I felt my throat closing up as if I swallowed a rock. The harsh rock was cold and bitter as my head began to ache, and my eyes were bleeding, as in front of me, there was a story.

  Five people were walking far away from a palace when they met a man with a black horse. The beautiful girl told the blue-eyed man everything, and his face broke. Just like his spirit. But they all kept walking farther with the same doubt. Until a woman dressed in the form of a wolf appeared out of thin air. She told them that there was a gift from a friend, offering a herd of sheep and roots that they had to eat. They all obeyed the goddess, and a few days later, there was a winged man with a wide smile. He offered them a charm. To forget everything about a woman they once knew. And when the winged man flew away, nothing happened. They kept walking and sailing until they found themselves inside the cave. There, the herd turned gold, and everyone gasped. They lived in peace, but something was off for them. For the girl who was always hiding, especially. She couldn’t let the memory of that woman be forgotten. She tried to tell everyone. The first one agreed with the blue eye man and tried to help her out by writing everything she had done, and the silent boy was painting the wall. Slowly, they grew, fell in love, and had kids. And slowly everyone got…

  ‘’Are you here, Lyssandra?’’ The eldest woman spoke and turned to me.’’I know that you survived’’She laughed. ‘’I tried to do everything…’’She looked down.’’You cannot believe it, I know, but…’’A small kid walked closer to her and began playing with her wrinkled face, her silver hair.

  ‘’They will remember you,’’

  I snapped out of it and felt my heart racing again, with cold sweat being my second skin. The old woman tried to walk closer to me, but I rushed away with the heavy panic being carried on my lungs. My gaze was darting as I got out, and everyone was facing me. Each face became more familiar than before.

  It was another trap. A twisted game of Hermes or any other god. A small girl with dark hair and honey eyes tried to move close to me. She had worn the face of Leon. My expression twitched as I pushed her furiously away.

  ‘’Stay back’’ I screamed at the people.

  And the hag kept approaching.

  ‘’We have been expecting you for so long, oracle’’ She mumbled.

  Stop it. Stop calling me that.

  It was not real. Everyone's gaze was filled with hope, admiration. Admiration for the faces of people that I once knew, and I once remembered their names. I should have loved that, wanted that.

  Tell her what she wants to hear.

  It was all lies. I had to go out. And I did try. I worked so hard.

  But Akila grabbed my hand, and I turned to see her face now clear. Why did she look so familiar?

  ‘’Myrt-’’My lips tried to form words, but my brain had had enough of it, and everything turned black.

  My body was being swallowed by a heavy, thick liquid, with my ears ringing with strange whispers.

  You do not know the truth.

  My lungs snapped as I felt the hot air being inhaled, and my eyes opened wide. I looked left and right and felt the cold mattress against my back. There was a heavy smell of meat coming from the dark room, and I finally stood up.

  ‘’What…’’I mumbled and saw the hag cooking in a pot while Akila was sleeping.

  To the wall.

  Her face was so peaceful in the darkness. I wondered how much more she suffered back there.

  ‘’You don’t understand’’The granny muttered. ‘’How much does it mean that you brought her back?’’

  I remained silent.

  ‘’She was all but a girl when she got out alone…a pretty young girl in the middle of nowhere… She was a good runner, but not enough for the raiders.’’

  The raisin was about to shed water.

  The broth was now ready as she gave a plate of the meat and vegetables.

  ‘’For the nerves.’’ She insisted.

  I simply nodded and took a sip from the hot broth. For a second, there was doubt and thought of the last time someone offered me soup. But then, I also saw the granny eating from it. So, I kept taking small sips.

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  ‘’Don’t eat it all, there is going to be a feast later.’’

  She said and walked away.

  There was the dark of the night, and everyone gathered in the pyre. Akila was now telling her stories to everyone while people kept eating from the roasted animals. The sheep were far from one of the barns, and the children were poking me endlessly.

  ‘’How old are you?’’

  ‘’Did you really slay gods?’’

  ‘’Is it true that a god fell for you?’’

  Dammit Myrto. I thought while I was smiling.

  ‘’I am twenty’’ I replied simply, and every kid looked at me disappointed, while a woman next to me laughed as she was holding her fat baby.

  ‘’Everything looks so peaceful’’I whispered to her.

  ‘’You haven’t heard Jebba speaking again’’She said and jerked her head towards the granny.

  I tried to smile at that.

  ‘’She is a nice granny,’’I replied.

  ‘’Have you ever felt her slaps?’’ She chuckled, and I nodded as I could remember the shock and pain.

  ‘’But she is our village chief,’’The woman began shaking her baby, and his bright blue eyes began staring at me.

  There was that hidden, uncomfortable feeling, but it ended instantly when a kid threw a fig at me.

  ‘’She basically raised everyone old and new’’The woman nuzzled her baby with her nose. ‘’And she will protect you, too, little Adam.’’

  ‘’Adam?’’ I asked about the name, and the woman nodded.

  ‘’It’s a Hebrew name, Oracle, in this land, people worship so many gods.’’

  I wanted to ask about the god that those people worship, but my thoughts were cut short when the granny got to the center of the pyre dressed in bright red and green fabrics and heavy copper bracelets. Everyone went silent while she was raising her staff, hitting the ground three times.

  Everyone was paying attention to her. Just her, not anyone else. Until she stared at me.

  ‘’Today, we will celebrate’’She faced Akila, who was sitting far from me, as she was wearing similar clothes to her mother.’’For the return of my daughter, and’’One more glance at me.

  ‘’The end of our long wait. The forgotten Oracle has returned.’’

  Everyone’s glance at me. Everyone thinks that I am someone good. It made me so uneasy skin was crawling from just the stares. I hurt people, I killed. I am not their salvation.

  The granny walked closer to me‘’It’s so nice to finally meet you, Oracle'’She smiled, and I grunted.

  ‘’Thank you for your hospitality’’ I answered. It seemed that it was real enough. I do not believe that Hermes would have an interest in messing me up.

  ‘’But I am not the woman that you were waiting for. I am no goddess’’ I searched every gaze around me. None even flinched.

  ‘’We never asked for a goddess, Oracle.’’She explained.

  ‘’I am not an Oracle either’’ I explained again.

  And the granny smiled. ‘’We know.’’She grabbed my hand. ‘’That was not the reason we believed in you. In the stories that had your name’’

  I blinked.

  ‘’You found our ancestors out of nothing, you tried to protect them, we know that, we read those stories to our children, and our parents read them to us. Just your stories gave us hope that we can survive.’’

  ‘’I am no hero’’I backed my hands away, and one man grabbed a few pieces of the roasting meat, and he began walking closer to me.

  ‘’No, but you helped so many.’’ There was still a warm smile and another woman.

  ‘’You helped our people centuries ago, and you helped my daughter now.’’

  Her voice was too sweet.

  The man gave the granny the meat, and then she gave it to me.‘’Isn’t that enough?’’

  Those words cut deep, and moved far again, I began eating and felt the chewy pork meat. And that was all it took for me to begin to cry. The hot food, the hospitality, the people simply thinking that I was actually good.

  How long has it been?

  My voice muffled as everyone was trying to embrace me with their hands.

  ‘’It’s alright. ‘’Akila whispered. ‘’Let it out.’’

  That night, people were dancing through the fire as they kept drinking and eating, while they wanted to know more about me. But I did tell them nothing.

  The celebration did not seem to end, so I tried to sneak out with a golden thread on my hand. The sky was so bright from the star jewels, and I could see, as I was walking far, a hawk trying to search for me. I let the thread out of my wrist, and the hawk flew right in front of me.

  ‘’Where have you been?’’ Hermes gasped and noticed a bright wildfire that was far from us.

  ‘’You have been busy.’’I arched my brow. But Hermes chuckled.

  ‘’Oh, not me, dear, a wizard asked the king there to let the slaves go, the king said no, and’’His words were cut.

  ‘’Never mind, I think that it’s time for us to go’’He said and showed me his staff.

  ‘’Can’t I stay for a little longer?’’ I asked.

  But I did not tell him the truth. I did not want him to know what I found. Because I knew that it would put them in danger.

  Hermes’ lips were pressed to a straight line, and then they popped.’’Pardon?’’

  ‘’I think it would be better to stay here with Akila for a while.’’

  He kept silent. He was upset. But I did not care. I simply wanted him to say yes.

  ‘’She doesn’t seem to be well all alone’’ I kept lying to him.

  ‘’And you want to stay with her’’He stated.’’So she won’t be alone.’’

  I nodded, and he clicked his tongue.

  ‘’Instead, I will be alone’’He reminded me.

  ‘’You have a wife, multiple siblings, and I guess’’I looked lower to his legs. ‘’Multiple children, too. You are far from alone.’’

  This god was pouting like a kid.

  ‘’Until she passes’’ I offered.’’I will be by her side, and then, I will be back.’’

  He smiled so mischievously.

  ‘’By natural causes’’I stated. ‘’I do not want to see her turned into a fly and being eaten by you.’’

  He let out a laugh. ‘’That’s my father’s talents, not mine’’

  I winced at him and tried to walk in the opposite direction that the one I wanted.

  ‘’And in return?’’ He asked. ‘’You still haven’t given me the crystal yet.’’

  Of course. I rolled my eyes and smiled at him. ‘’What would you like?’’

  The god walked closer to me and moved his staff behind my back, pulling me closer to him. His expression was a strange, worn-out tissue as if he were wearing a mask. I could not read him this time. But I think that it was because he couldn’t read me.

  ‘’You seem different’’ He muttered and played with my locks.

  I simply shrugged, and he finally left me.

  ‘’Until she passes.’’ He said and vanished away.

  I put back the thread on my wrist and began walking to the cave. When I got back, everyone kept dancing, and one of the kids dragged me by my dress, telling me to dance with him.

  ‘’I am no dancer.’’I chuckled, but Akla appeared and gave me a piece of red cloth to grab with her.

  I couldn’t say no to the chief’s daughter. So I danced with her with the drums and lyres playing songs that I once knew and the ones that are new.

  I learned soon that the people here were praying to the gods of Egypt as they grew close to the temples. When they had the chance, they would sneak and go to the temples and pray.

  It seemed right. It would be better to be watched by Horus than Zeus or Hermes.

  I, being a shepherd, was not right, though. I did not know how many times I managed to lose a few of the sheep or watched them get eaten by lions.

  So, I turned to the chief and told her that I could help with the herbs. At first, I could see that she was actually a good healer, but her hands began to shake and turn slow. So, I did everything to help her.

  Until the woman could not cook. Could not slap me or even smile. They told me that I had to mummify her. Whatever that meant, it was a difficult task.

  When we were about to bury her, a man dressed in white walked inside the cave with everyone’s gaze looking down. Akila grabbed my hand and forced me to bow my head too, but I wondered something. This bronze man with dark hair and blue eyes…Was it normal for him to have a tall man dog right next to him?

  It seemed that none actually had noticed it because the black man dog faced me, absolutely terrified.

  Me and the man dog with the name Anubis were now standing far from the crowd and the priests, where they were doing the funeral.

  ‘’So you are a god’’I faced him to take a better look at him. He had a tall physique with bandages wrapped around his bronze skin, golden jewels wrapped all perfectly on his neck and wrists. And of course, he had the head of a black dog with sharp, pointy ears.

  ‘’You seem calm about it,’’ he explained. ‘’Most of the people that can see me are the ones that are close to their death.’’

  ‘’I am immortal’’I admitted, and his jaw fell to the floor.

  ‘’What kind of goddess are you?’’ He asked me, and I laughed.

  ‘’No, I was mortal ages ago, and then’’My words were cut. ‘’A god gave me this gift, I suppose.’’

  His ears moved back. ‘’Gift?’’ His voice was heavy and brooding as he moved back to the funeral, and he was staring at his host.

  ‘’Isn’t it?’’

  One more deep breath.

  ‘’This is the tenth priest I have had as a host in the last five years. I have seen people come and go in the blink of an eye. My job is to guide the lost souls to Duat and to find their destiny. It never ends, seeing people that they once helped, that you once might have cared about, growing old, and then, you have to guide them at the end. And you will never meet them. You will keep moving and feel, until that emotion comes to numbness.’’

  The dog blinked and stared at me.

  ‘’That was…nice’’ He took one more deep breath.’’Sorry uh…’’

  ‘’Lyssandra’’

  I could feel that Anubis was smiling. I wish he had a tail to see how adorable it would be.

  The funeral ended, and both the priest and Anubis began walking away.

  ‘’We will see each other again’’He said, and when he began stepping far from me, Adam’s mother began staring at him. As if he could see the god.

  Akila’s mom was the first, but not the last, that I had to mummify. They wanted me to be the chief, but I turned it down for Akila’s sake. I simply helped them, tried to teach them, and they taught me.

  ‘’You are here again?’’ I asked Anubis while he seemed to have a new bald host.

  ‘’It’s been just a few days’’I said with a chuckle.

  Anubis faced me, confused.’’ Six months.’’

  The color faded from my face. I could see pants changing colors from season in the blink of an eye. Time rushed while my hands were still the same.

  One night as I was sleeping, there was doubt and worry again. I don’t remember how many women I helped give birth to their children, and how many of them I watched grow. I don't remember how many people I wrapped around bandages and oil.

  And how I was looking the same. Just the same person, trapped in time. I walked close to Akila’s room with a sharp dagger. I wanted to leave. I wanted to get out.

  I moved up to her bed, and I saw her hair silver like the moonlight, wrinkly like her raising mother, but she wasn’t dead yet. Her breathing was steady. I could see the light of her eyes burning for two more decades.

  I did not want to stay for two more decades. I bit my lower lip and aimed for her heart.

  ‘’Don’t’’ A familiar voice whispered as she grabbed my hand.

  I looked behind my head to see Artemis facing me with a sad-looking face.

  I backed away immediately, realizing what I just tried to do. I wanted to protect her. I should have protected everyone. I…

  ‘’It’s alright’’ She whispered as she looked so pretty in the dark night.

  ‘’How did you get…’’I was about to ask, but I remembered what I saw decades ago. She is a wolf woman. Her mother helped them. And of course, she would know everything.

  ‘’Why are you here?’’ I changed my question.

  Artemis raised her brow but touched my hand where I once had the crystal, and it was gone. ‘’Your soul was stronger than your pride.’’She explained, but I backed away. ‘’But your trick is getting annoying.’’

  I blinked.’’What trick?’’

  And she looked stunned. ‘’You don’t…’’She cut off her words. Just like Hermes did when I was asking questions.

  ‘’I don't know what it is, but it’s not a gift from any gods…it’s probably just you.’’

  ‘’Just me?’’My head was aching.

  ‘’You, your pride, makes me, us, everyone’’She began stuttering.’’The truth comes out no matter what, like a million eyes watching us’’

  My eye darted. ‘’What does that mean?’’ I asked again.

  ‘’Your stubbornness? Spite? Something inside you makes even gods answer you’’

  That’s what Hermes wanted to find from me. That everyone could tell me the truth? Was this just my spite? They told me that I will not have power, but…

  Power shifts.

  ‘’Hide your smile girl’’Artemis commanded me. ‘’Now if you don’t have any other question, come with me-’’

  ‘’Why haven’t you freed your brother yet?’’I asked. ‘’What is holding you back?’’

  And Artemis replied.

  ''I tried. Countless times. And I failed.

  The gate to Tartarus is the easy path. To get inside someone else’s cell and get out…now that is the difficult task. Because you do not belong there, the god of that Abyss will punish you, show you your worst fear, the punishment that you deserve. And this will last so long, until you become a part of his prison. No god or mortal can get inside my brother's prison and return with him. Because if they keep walking, they will never come back.''

  Her voice was broken. And I wondered, what could be afraid of? She was the goddess of the hunt, and every huntsman and prey was worshiping her. Her moonlight was touching every part of the earth. If this prideful goddess was afraid of something, then what could have been my punishment?

  ‘’Then, what do you need me for?’’I asked.

  And Artemis' lips trembled as she was about to let out those words.

  ‘’I don’t know.’’

  And silence came once more. So, I had to ask her another question.

  ‘’Why did Hermes want me?’’ I asked one more question, and Artemis covered her mouth. No, you will answer me, stupid deer. Seems that you know too much.

  ‘’He told me it was because he saw me back on an island. That was a lie, so where did he find me?’’

  ‘’Why do you care?’’ She cut her words and tried to look far from me. ‘’Your answers won’t bring…’’

  He won’t be back. Did I even want him back? Who was he again?

  ‘’Go,’’ I commanded her. ‘’You are useless just like any other god.’’

  And so she did.

  I turned back to Akila, who was looking at me with sudden fear. The knife was now on the floor, and I could feel my blood rushing. I fell down to my knees and tried to explain everything.

  ‘’It’s fine’’ She cut off my words.

  There was that thin line on my throat again. I wanted to explain to her so much about everything.

  ‘’I want to reunite with my mama soon’’She explained and got up. As she was about to walk to the position of the knife.

  ‘’No, Akila’’I commanded her.

  ‘’Isn’t this what you wanted, my oracle?’’ She faced up, showing her eyes.

  But I shook my head.

  ‘’I want you to live happily,’’I explained in a whisper.

  The rest of the decades passed, and Akila began to not be the woman I knew. She was forgetting people’s names. She was helping everyone with the excuse of her being a slave. When we were talking, she was referring to me as Ensi.

  The time of her burial came, and as I was preparing her, I could listen to everyone wailing, even the kids that I once knew as infants. But there were no tears for me to shed. I never cried at funerals.

  Not when, instead of Anubis, there was the Herald awaiting me in the desert. I told everyone before leaving to not pray for me, to not resent me. Because I swore to come back, I will come back to them.

  He was awaiting me with a smile and a staff, and I took the hand he was offering. We both got out and saw the room. It felt like a day since I saw it. But Pup had grown a lot, and he began licking my face.

  ‘’He missed you’’Hermes laughed and moved to my bed.

  ‘’So, what did you learn?’’

  That was it. A thread snapped in my mind and threw one of the tablets he once gave me.

  I saw people die, people that I cared for and loved. I saw them grow old and perish and felt nothing. People that I helped to get out of their lives, and it felt like it was something normal.

  ‘’What have you done to me?’’ I screamed out loud. The god began laughing.

  ‘’I did nothing, my dear’’He chuckled right behind me with his hand on my throat.

  ‘’I gave you everything that you wanted. It is not my fault’’He leaned so close to me.

  ‘’That you cannot handle the truth.’’

  My eyes snapped and turned back to him. I didn’t want to feel that weight. I wanted to grow old. I wanted to feel sorrow. I wanted…

  The god hummed. ‘’So adorable when you are angry.’’

  Pig.

  ‘’I am not your toy’’I reminded him with a spat.

  And he reminded me with one more holding of my neck.

  ‘’But you belong to me, Lyssandra’’ His voice was so husky. ‘’No matter how you feel.’’

  Is this how he wanted to play?

  ‘’I wondered’’ I moved closer to him.’’What will your brother is going to think of everything you have done to me’’

  I couldn’t see his eyes, but I could sense his rage. Even if he was smiling.

  ‘’How pathetic of you’’

  My smile faded.

  ‘’You didn’t change. You became what you were before, a pathetic child’’His legs became the ones of a hare, and his entire form grew wilder. ‘’Praying for her god.’’

  I looked down, thinking how right he was. What was I saying? Why was I still believing in him? Why could I feel this terror? But no, he wouldn’t have me.

  ‘’You gave me hope’’I shouted. ‘’Few years of finding love that it was underneath your plan.’’

  He turned away.

  ‘’And then, you let me for an honest life you gave me…’’My lips trembled. I couldn’t say everything.

  ‘’I fell in love’’I admitted, making his wings fall. ‘’I saw them die again and again I…’’

  His shoulders relaxed. Hit me. He was saying.

  And so I did. With all my rage, I punched him, I hit his face, scratched his skin with the Pup hiding now down to my bed.

  ‘’It’s all your fault’’ I screamed at the top of my lungs. ‘’All your…’’My breath faded. I grew tired. How long was I punching him?

  So, I began crying again. I don’t know what it was. My body? My mind? My soul? Something broke inside me, and I kept crying on Hermes’ chest.

  ‘’It’s alright’’He whispered.

  How can he still do it? How can a god live all those years?

  ‘’I want to die’’I told him.

  ‘’Lyssandra’’ He tried to scoff.

  ‘’Make me mortal,’’ I looked above him, and he seemed all so serious.

  ‘’Why would I ever do that?’’

  Does he want me to beg? Then, beg stupid woman, beg. JUST BEG. You will grow old in peace and then face whatever it’s headed for you.

  But I couldn’t do that. My spite for him wouldn’t let me.

  ‘’I am tired,’’ I said and tried to walk away, but my body gave up.

  ‘’It’s alright’’ Whispered the herald and carried my body as if I was nothing to the bed. ‘’I got you.’’

  ‘’How can…’’I muttered.

  ‘’You don’t’’Hermes replied. ‘’You simply don’t.’’

  He threw me softly onto the top of my bed. I thought of the people he had lost, the mortal friends he had once cherished. He had to carry his souls to the underworld. He was now standing in front of me.

  He was free, I thought. Unlike me. But looking at him now, it was a perfect illusion.

  The god Hermes was a brother with no siblings to love him. A son with no parents to protect him. And with a wife he did not even try to know. Because he chose to take me and betray his own family.

  We were both alone.

  ‘’I am leaving’’He sighed heavily, but I grabbed him by the hand.

  What are you doing, stupid girl?

  I do not want to be alone.

  ‘’Stay’’I commanded him, and his lips opened wide.

  ‘’Until I fall to sleep.’’

  DO NOT BEG.

  Hermes nodded and climbed to my bed while I turned my back to him.

  There was a strange voice inside my head. Whispering like a serpent that I shouldn’t trust him. His words and the truth carry more weight than you can imagine.

  My lashes became heavy as Hermes’ arms moved close to my waist, pulling me close. How cold his fingers were on my skin.

  I should have been disgusted by him, but I felt his vulnerability. How calm he was, free from his weaknesses.

  ‘’Do you love me?’’ Hermes asked me with a nuzzle and felt his wings on his feet, tingling me.

  We were both two birds in a golden cage of our own making.

  ‘’I do not hate you.’’ I whispered and got out of his grasp. Sitting at the end of the bed now, Hermes tried to embrace me.

  ''Hermes?'' I tried to ask, and I faced back at him, my hands wrapped around my body.

  I could not feel my heart.

  ''Am I still human?''