Chapter Four – In the Courtyard of Ruin ManorGray was sore that night and decided even before dinner he was going to heat water for his bath. Outside in the back-alley courtyard, there was a little fire pit underneath a copper tank. The bottom was scorched from years if not decades of the fire. The copper tank led to pipes on the other side of the wall where the tiled bathing room was.

  Gray loved sitting in the courtyard, and though it was a chilly autumn night, sitting next to the fire was quite comfortable. He’d brought a wooden chair with a plush cushion that at one point might’ve been both very comfortable and fashionable, but now the wood was scratched and the velvet cushion torn. However, it was better than sitting on the cold stone benches carved into the stone. Rynn and the other women were pnning on pnting a garden in the courtyard, and it really would be lovely. If they survived the winter.

  So far, there had only been the one death of the dwarf back before Culling Day and still no one knew what had happened to him. Maybe that would be the only casualty. However, with how the Fae squad had gred at them after the attack, Gray was afraid that murder was inn the air.

  They’d bought some kindling from a woodcutter in the marketpce, but that was only to get the fire started. Once they had a bze, adding lust rocks would warm the bottom of the copper tank. The water came from the same well in the courtyard. It went deep, down into the Earth, maybe even to hell itself, since they were retively close to the Weeping Well.

  The Hellbinder Barrier rose up into the night sky, a sheet of darkness blocking out the stars.

  Gray had spent a ton of time in the courtyard back in the spring when he’d first trained with Captain Settie. It seemed like a lifetime ago, and everything had changed, but even though he had any number of resonances, he was once again facing a critical weakness. It was a bitter irony—he could channel mana into other people’s cores but not into his own meridians. Once again, he was the weakling in the squad.

  Captain Settie was confident that his situation would change, but Gray wasn’t so sure. She didn’t feel how blocked he was. He did have one option that he hadn’t discussed with anyone. There was one person in Pit City he trusted, especially when it came to mana manipution, and that was the Widow Stone. Too bad that she and Captain Settie were bitter enemies. It wouldn’t go well with Settie if Gray went to the Widow before giving his squad sponsor time to work with him.

  He was considering other options when Ames came out, wrapped in a fur-lined cloak. He’d not seen it before, but it looked warm.

  She sat on a stone bench without saying a word. Her eyes were drawn to the fire that had consumed with the sticks but now were working on the lust rocks, which didn’t burn like normal coal. Instead, there was the snap and crackle of normal fmes, and a yellow and orange light that sometimes snapped into purple, blue or red. The smell of the lust rocks burning was also rather pleasant, a sweet woody scent and not the oily stench of normal coal.

  “Hello, Ames,” Gray said pleasantly enough, though what he really wanted was not to exchange pleasantries but to see what the Quelling elf had been thinking when she’d jumped on Pinch and shoved needles into her arms.

  But how does one start such a conversation?

  Gray found a stick underneath his feet and broke it in half and then tossed half into the fire.

  Ames suddenly began talking in a burst of words. “I want you and Rynnanatha to be happy. There is pain in the world, there is sorrow, and dreams die. Most people who are born never get what they want, and those that do, rarely enjoy it. We are meant to suffer. But I can’t focus on that. I have to remember that life is not just pain. It’s difficult, though, Gray. It is very difficult. I…” her voice cracked. “I want to be better.”

  Gray didn’t know where to begin. He went back to what she started with. “Rynn and I are very happy. Yes, we are bonded, but we chose it, together. Yes, I would imagine it won’t all be frycake and giggles, but Ames, we have to focus on the good parts of life. It is not all just pain. And believe me, even the poorest and most wretched can find peace and happiness in the moment.”

  Ames stared into his face. “I don’t believe you. The poor and wretched are just that—poor and wretched.”

  That made Gray ugh. “You’re fearless, Amaranthis Val’Tessra. I tell you something and you tell me I’m full of shit. I like that.”

  “Why?”

  Gray thought for a minute. “Because too many people are afraid of hurting my feelings. They want to spare me. I don’t need to be spared. I need honesty, and then I’ll deal with the results. But back to the topic in question. As a sve in the arena, I was poor and wretched, and most of my friends were poor and wretched. There was one gdiator, Basilius, which was a rather grand name. We called him Basil because he wasn’t grand. He did win the favor of a wealthy merchant, who paid Basil a thousand shekels to win a fight—it was against one of the wealthy merchant’s enemies. Well, Basil killed the other man, who nobody much liked, and do you know what Basil did with his shekels?”

  “What?” Ames was listening so intently.

  “He lived like a rich man for one week, spent every single coin, and returned a poor arena battle sve. He didn’t try and purchase his freedom, he didn’t invest, he didn’t try and grow that money, or even open a business. He spent it…all of it. I was baffled.” Gray shook his head. It felt like such a long time ago. A thousand shekels wouldn’t even tempt him now, not with the deep pockets of his bonded. And he’d always seen money as a tool— a means to and end and not the end itself.

  He finished the story. “I asked Blind John about it. Basil might’ve changed his life forever. Instead, he wasted it. But Blind John then pointed out that for that one week, Basil lived the life he’d always wanted. He enjoyed those moments without any care for the future. That, my Quelling friend, is the wretched finding joy in the moment.”

  Ames sighed and pointed a finger at him. “It is a good argument. But how does it help me? It doesn’t. For me, it’s impossible to stay in the moment. I think about…I think about the past, my past, and the dark fire. Then I think about the future, the ice that becomes fire and consumes every hope I’d ever had. And then, I have such hatred in my heart, such a bitter, bitter hatred for I know what comes. I’ve seen it.”

  “You can see into the future?” he asked.

  “Sometimes,” she said. “I sometimes dream the future. And sometimes I’m in the past, and I see the first of the Quelling on their ships that crossed the world, from the north to the south, through the Null Breaks, down the Backbone Isnds and then to the continent at the bottom of the world. The peninsu, where the humans were, the humans that worshipped the demons, who sang the seven songs of sin. This was when the demonic hordes ruled the Belly of the World, during the Third God War. There were people who joined with the demons, and not just humans, but orcs and elves as well. They built temples. They joined with the hellish aristocras—the dukes and archdukes and duchesses and archduchesses. Hence, the cambions were born. You’ve seen the cambion orcs.”

  “I have.” Gray was now listening closely to her as she’d been listening to him. “That’s where the Quelling elves came from, isn’t it?”

  She nodded. “In Ossareth, that’s the city we built for ourselves, on the Mal’Mireth Peninsu. It was Malchutt himself who dallied with us, danced with us, forced himself on us when we weren’t willing, but most of the time, we were willing. We were going to do whatever it took to be better than the elves of the north. You see, it was envy. Like how I envy you and Rynn. It feels like knives in me, and I can use that, I can, but I don’t want to. I want to be kind.”

  “You are kind,” Gray said. Yes, Ames was odd, but she was strangely gentle. He’d had to encourage her to be more aggressive when they sparred because too often she held back. If they had a full seven squad members, they might not need her to fight, only to heal, but as it was, every punch thrown, every bit of muscles, was critical.

  Ames took her hand in his. “No, I’m not. I want to hurt, like I hurt that Fae bitch. She is the ice that will burn. I hate that. I hate being burned. Because of the past…my past. I don’t have to tell you what happened to me, do I?”

  “No,” Gray said. He could feel the power of her core as well as the heat from her body. Her scent hung in the air. She was tall, thin, but she had curves, and her face was so strangely beautiful…the points of her ears, her dark skin, her strange auburn eyes flecked with purple. He felt the pull to kiss her, and he knew she wouldn’t stop him. No, because it was exactly what Ames wanted, but what would Rynn think of him sitting in the courtyard holding her hand and feeling such desires?

  The Quelling girl, though, seemed calm and happy. She sighed with relief. “I’m so gd I can keep my secrets a little longer. I would be worried what you all might think of me. I know that not everyone trusts the Quelling elves.”

  She took his hand and pressed it against her cheek. “Someday, precious Gray—that is what the captain calls you. Someday, I will tell you about my past because there are many ways to be poor and wretched in this world. Too many ways.”

  “But there are riches to be had in sharing our pain with our friends,” he said softly. Telling Rynn and Settie about Carter had been difficult, but it had freed him just as talking with Blind John and Old Agatha had always helped him feel better.

  Her dark skin was so soft. The lust felt so heavy in his belly. He thought to pull away, and yet, they weren’t doing anything and Ames seemed to be getting such comfort from him. There shouldn’t be an issue…but…Rynn must be feeling something.

  He could expin himself. Ames was troubled. In some ways, he didn’t want to know her past because the way she talked, it sounded like she’d known such pain…such an awful amount of pain.

  He smiled. “But there is more to life than pain. We have to remember that.” He gave her hand a final squeeze and moved it away from her face.

  She brushed her fingers over her nose and then traced her lips. “Yes. I like feeling your skin on mine. And it might sound strange, but I love your smell. It will have to be enough. Seeing you happy will have to be enough.”

  She seemed to catch herself, dropped her hands, and straightened. “Do you notice that Midj is always wanting to hold our hands?”

  That made him ugh. “She grew up in a big family with uncles, aunts, cousins, brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers. There was always someone around. I think that’s why she does it. Did you grow up in a close family?”

  “Yes,” she said. “Too close. Stifling. Father was driven…the Ambition Instinct. Envy and kindness. Strange that kindness can be a part of ambition. I understand the jealousy. But the kindness? No, cruelty is better for getting what you want. That I understand. But I don’t want to talk about Father.”

  “We don’t have to.” He changed subjects. “You know, there are many paths to success. There was an old saying in Cradleport—when it comes to drawing flies, honey works just as well as rotting sea cow. Maybe that applies here. Kindness in business can bring you customers. Cruelty can as well but which is more fun? I’d much rather have honey in my life than rotting sea cow.”

  Ames smiled and nodded. “I don’t know what a sea cow is, but I understand the rot at the heart of life. There is a part of me that likes both the rot and the cruelty. Maybe that is why I attacked Pinch today.”

  He thought of the dark blue mana he’d seen in her core. “Let’s save the cruelty for Soulshred Week, shall we?”

  “I suppose I shall,” Ames whispered. She paused for a long time. “You and Rynn.”

  “Me and Rynn,” he said.

  “Bonded forever.” She nodded. “I have to let you go, Grayson Fade. There will be others. There are always others. Maybe that is okay.”

  “Maybe it is,” he agreed. “Because there is more to life than pain.”

  She stood up. “I want you and Rynn to enjoy life, Gray. I wish I could. But it’s too te.”

  He went to argue but she put her fingers to his lips. “No. No more talk of sunshine. No. Let me feel the darkness for a little longer. Maybe things will change. Perhaps the ice will remain ice or it will shatter completely. Yes, maybe the ice will break and wouldn’t that be nice? Nice broken ice.”

  She left him, and Gray didn’t know what to think.

  But he did have hot water waiting for him, and when he entered the tiled bathing room with the big copper tube, magically heated with lust rocks, he slipped into the hot water.

  What was he going to tell Rynn about the strange encounter with the Quelling elf?

  Everything.

  He wished he could dream the future because he had no idea how Rynn was going to react.