"Y’all hear that there was another breakout from the QZ today?! We got ourselves some kind of nasty undead critters out there wandering around right now, and if there is one thing the gov-ern-ment is right about, it's that the undead will eat your face right the fuck off! You see those things and you stay the hells away unless you are one badass motherfucker, y’all got me? Let the fucking Army do their Wasted jobs and get their faces eaten instead, am I right?!
"Remember everyone, only the Voice of the People brings you the truth right here on K-RAD! Now, to kick off this next set we’ve got a real classic, , by the infamous Buccaneers!”
- DJ Demophon Kerner on K-RAD LA, April 1st, System Year 453
I walked slowly up to the empty doorway, my shotgun held tight against my shoulder and ready to fire. As I approached I saw the dim light in the next room. Actually, it looked more like a cave than a room. The floor was uneven with spikes of rock sticking out, and there were more hanging from the ceiling. I hope those are stuck on tight, they look like they could fall off and land on me. That was a disturbing thought.
“Hey System,” I said softly, “are there any traps in here?”
[THERE ARE NO TRAPS HERE, GUNNER ZIMMERMAN! ONLY FOES!]
That was a relief. Supposedly the Tutorial only contained challenges that you could actually overcome – and I certainly didn’t have any trap-finding Skills. Still, I was worried the Advanced Tutorial might be different, since we’d never learned anything about it. I carefully moved forward into the cave, doing my best to avoid stepping on anything that looked like it would hurt my feet.
My eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness and I was very, very relieved to see that, well, I could see. I could cast Light, but I really didn’t want to. I doubted using one mana on it would make any difference. What I was sure of was that having a glowing ball of light floating over my head would make me a great target for whatever was going to try and kill me next. Keeping my finger safely off the trigger, as I’d been taught to do with a pistol, I continued.
The cave stretched on and on, sometimes wider and sometimes narrower, but there was only one way to go. It had a slight slope to it and I was moving uphill. I kept to a steady, slow pace, trying to keep my breathing quiet and listen as I moved. My feet were still cold, but there didn’t seem to be too many loose rocks on the ground, and at least my steps hardly made any noise.
The silence was getting to me. There was no breeze, the air completely still and cool. The dim lighting seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere, not casting any shadows. Yet somehow everything was in shadow all at once. At least I couldn’t smell the dead goblin’s blood anymore. I finally had to stop for a moment and try to relax, breathing slow and deep and silently.
skrtch
I froze, suddenly holding my breath.
skrtch
The sound came again, just loud enough to convince me something was out there, then a soft hss, followed by another.
Forcing myself to move slowly and carefully, I drifted to the left side of the cave until the ceiling got low enough that I had to crouch slightly. Barely breathing, I waited, gun ready, finger creeping towards the trigger.
My heartbeat came faster and faster the longer I waited, the anticipation making me sweat despite the chill air and cold stone under my feet. I knew that I couldn’t keep this up for much longer. My arms would get tired from holding my hefty shotgun at the ready and my thighs were already starting to burn from crouching.
I can’t just go charging out there, I have no idea what’s waiting. I need a way to lure whatever it is out where I can see it, without making myself a target. I quickly ran through the list of Cantrips I knew: Light, Conjure Water, Ignite, and Create Bread.
I could Create Bread and then throw the bread, but I don’t know how long I’m going to be in here or if I’ll be able to find any food, and I can only cast that once today. The only other thing I have is my gun… and my ammo!
If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
I used my left hand to pull one of the shells from my bandolier, then took a long slow breath. I moved up close to some of the rocks in front of me, making sure I was hidden from anything up ahead, then I leaned out quickly and tossed the shell into the middle of the tunnel, maybe twenty feet away from me. The metal base clinked as it hit the ground and bounced.
hsss… hs… hss
skrtchskrtchskrtch
My finger tensed on the trigger as the sounds got louder, closer. There! A flash of movement between the rocks ahead, gone before I could react. A goblin came flying into view as it charged at the spot I’d thrown the shell, using its hands and feet to propel itself even faster. I pulled the trigger the instant it crossed in front of my sights, the roar of the shotgun deafening me momentarily.
The flash from the muzzle briefly lit up the cave in front of me, and I saw the goblin start to tumble. I’d caught it with at least part of the blast. I pumped the action as fast as I could, but before I could tell if it was dead or just injured, I spotted another goblin heading straight for me.
The second goblin was running upright, standing much taller than its friend and carrying a club at least as big as my shotgun in its clawed hands. I yanked the barrel over to face this new threat, the goblin less than twenty feet away when I fired.
BOOM!
My shot smashed into the goblin’s body, and I saw a wave of soft light explode outward from the center of its chest, wrapping around its body for just an instant before vanishing. The big goblin staggered, but regained its balance as I racked a fresh shell into the chamber. It was bleeding from a dozen small wounds across its body, its fanged mouth open in a near-silent snarl as it managed two more steps towards me. My third shot caught it in the face and dropped it, the club clattering on the ground.
Panting, I cycled my gun as I looked wildly around. The first goblin was crawling, bleeding heavily from its side as it pulled itself along the ground. Its claws scraped at the stone as it tried to reach the fallen club. From my position, the wounded goblin was partially hidden by the body of the larger goblin.
I stood up and took a step away from the rocks to get a clear shot. I was aiming at its ugly, contorted face, my finger tight on the trigger, when I heard another hss from the side and looked over just in time to see a rock flying at my face.
I cried out in surprise and instinctively tried to get my hands up to protect my face, my gun firing uselessly somewhere off to the side even as the rock slammed into me – or almost into me. Just before it would have bashed my face in, it suddenly deflected away, followed by a ripple of ghostly light and a strange sense of impact. It felt like I’d still been hit with the rock, only the hit didn’t land on my face or anywhere on my body but somewhere else, somewhere that I’d never been hit before.
I barely had time to realize that my new barrier had protected me when fifty pounds of filthy hissing goblin followed the rock through the air and landed on me. Already off balance, the impact threw me to the ground, my back landing hard against the stone. My barrier took most of the hit in another soft flare of light, but this time I felt something break and I realized my barrier was down. I lost my grip on my gun and it went flying out of reach.
The goblin was on top of me, raising its clawed hands. I bucked, heaving and twisting with every muscle in my body, knocking the goblin off and somehow managing to end up on top of it. Its claws raked across my arm as I held it down with my left hand and brought my right fist down on the middle of its hideous face, smashing its broad, flat nose and bouncing its skull off the stone floor.
I landed two more punches before the goblin stopped thrashing under me and I scrambled away on my hands and knees, my legs too wobbly to stand. My hair had come loose in the struggle and it was falling in my face, partially blocking my vision. It took several frantic moments to find my shotgun, the long black shape nearly invisible against the dark floor.
I nearly wept with relief as I snatched it up, feeling lines of pain along my left forearm. I looked at it and saw the goblin’s claws had opened several gashes in my baselayer, the wounds bleeding freely. I gritted my teeth as I cycled the action.
Jump on my face and tear open my arm? Fuck you, you little shit!
I took two steps back towards the unconscious goblin and unloaded my last shot into its chest. Trembling, I awkwardly reloaded my gun, the cuts on my left arm not helping. I only managed to get two of the four remaining shells on my bandolier into the magazine, the other two slipping out of my hand and clattering on the ground. Cursing, I cycled a shell into the chamber, then retrieved the dropped ammunition and loaded it too.
Wait, what happened to the first goblin?
I tensed, looking around in case it was trying to sneak up on me, but then spotted it on the ground next to the bigger goblin’s body. I moved slowly closer until I could see that it was still breathing. It must have lost too much blood to get up – its entire right side was covered in the dark, nasty stuff. It was holding onto the end of the fallen club with one hand, trying to threaten me, but barely able to lift it off the ground. It let out a soft hss as I came closer.
I raised my shotgun briefly, about to finish it off, before lowering it. Holding my gun gingerly with my injured arm, I reached out and ripped the club out of the goblin’s hand, then hammered the club into its head – once, twice, and a third time just to be sure. I let the club drop to the floor, then staggered away from the bodies before collapsing on the ground, feeling drained. The rush of Essence this time was stronger, but I didn’t get any System messages.
I wonder how long it will take to earn my first Level, or my first item… We learned that the System divides up the Essence from defeated monsters and completed Quests into three parts: experience, items, and money. There’s nothing to buy in here so only the Levels and items matter.
This would be an example of a blatant Easter egg. You might even get it without listening to the song. But you should listen to the song, because it's fun!
All of my music is published ~simultaneously to YouTube, Spotify, Apple Music, Tidal, and more. Just search your favorite streaming service for 'AzureInk'! Unfortunately, I can't control the exact timing of when the music goes live, so I have to put it up well in advance of publishing the chapters. Generally there won't be spoilers in the songs, but it will happen eventually (in the distant future, several arcs down the road). Don't say I didn't warn you. By default I'll be linking the YouTube version, since it doesn't require any kind of account to access.