Let me tell you, waking up as a wookiee, even a wookiee prince is not a fun experience. I will admit though, that the events that followed were all my fault, though I enjoyed them immensely.

  I woke up in a tree house, and let me tell you that when I say tree house, I mean like some rich asshole built a mansion out of some redwoods, treehouse. I suppose I should call it a tree mansion then, whatever. Waking up to me dad, 'new' dad, screaming at me in shyriiwook was absolutely terrifying. Then I screamed back, it didn't help. I fell out of bed, arms flailing, and that didn't help. Then I realized I was a walking carpet, that didn't help at all.

  Doing all of this in sequence made my dad, who had never laughed in my 'now' 150 years of life, laugh did help. But not me, well not as much as I needed. I had reincarnated, and Chewbacca is much more terrifying in real life than his dog/human hybrid look alike did in star wars. In fact, while I could recognize my new dad as a wookiee from his cameo in star wars, but I also could not reconcile the two.

  You see, my new dad is chieftain and leader of wookiee faction, meaning chewie was my long time rival, but also friend. He was also also a little shit. Grakchawwaa was always one upping my father in every way, and every accomplishment. My father absolutely hated him. Chewie was much the same, but unlike my father and his, we had a, decent, relationship. Much of the friction likely happened after they attained leadership probably.

  Still, I had to admit that my father did not deserve leadership, with all that I knew he was into. This is likely from the pressure of leading and trying to get one over onto uncle Grak but still.

  Of course, all of this meant nothing to me. No, I was reincarnated into the unfortunate second fiddle of the wookiee nation. So I took one of our few starships, not without escort from so random sycophants of course, what evil young master could go anywhere without them? And headed to the nearest pleasure station to get wasted, all with my fathers blessing, mostly. Well, he didn't complain when I went off to 'adventure' with one of a handful of spaceships along with several other young wookiees.

  And of course, it takes a to get a wookiee drunk, but worst is that wookiees are just about as bad of drunks as anybody else. And when you could tear apart droids with your bare hands nobody cuts you off. Through the night I had gone further and further up the shelf, and let me tell you, some of those top shelf liquors can be worth a Corellion freighter! And not some yt series either, but a cr series blockade runner!

  So I don't blame my cohorts for running off and leaving me in my woes, I do blame them for sticking me with their own bill and running off with 'my' ship though. It was supposed to be a present for me to fly around and sew my wild oats with. Maybe discover some new unexplored trade routes for the tribe, that sort of thing.

  Well, I heard that my father put several of their heads on pikes, so I suppose fair is fair. Still, it was also fair that I ended up in chains, since my tab was in the millions of credits. Something my father could pay, but they shipped a wookiee off faster than FTL. So the bounty hunters my father sent to get me back couldn't catch up to me in time.

  I was then traded through at least a dozen slave traders, whipped, beaten, and tortured for no reason most of the time. One of em' even legitimately wanted to turn me into a rug, but I think those were actual pirates, makes sense since that guy was spaced for touching cargo. Still had to go through medical, and while the stuff they used, kolto, was super advanced, it was also bare minimum. I Know this because of the last guy.

  It was beautiful, if ugly and I new just how screwed I was, a trade federation cargo ship. The battle donut, or her better known name, no refunds. I was worked over by her better half, and my scars and wounds from my previous treatment had the nims dropping the price of my current owners down to half a normal slave. Nevermind that even I knew that a wookiee was worth a small freighter half dead. It was kinda strange knowing your price, surreal in a way I couldn't explain.

  I knew literally exactly what I was worth, bonus for my star charting and astrogation, engineering and mechanics, as well as a few other trades I was never going to mention to some ass that was going to 'own' me. Not that it would last long, I could but out of these cuffs and my body could handle a few blasters to the face. The army of B1s was not a few. I would have to wait till I was onboard to get my chance. I never did, well to escape on my own anyway.

  The Nims did not play around, they new I could bust the cuffs and they changed them out immediately, I was also escorted by no lees they two squads of B1s and at least two B2s. But honestly, it wasn't bad, I had gotten a suite to myself, complete with gymmer wood sculpture. I didn't know what the sculpture was supposed to be mind you, but it was there, and it reminded me of home. I also got a droid butler and advanced medical attention to reduce scaring of 'slave wounds' while also accentuate scaring of 'battle wounds'. Basically wookiee tattoos.

  Honestly, the Nims treated me alright, shame I was going to have to kill them all. Oh yeah, I was in an underground fighting ring for like one fight on one of the slaver ships. One fight, because I tour through half the crew before they put me down. Seemed reasonably happy about it though, double shares apparently...

  So yeah, I did feel bad about needing to kill the Nims. So when alerts went off throughout the ship I took my chance. My robot butler tried to stop me, but that was paper to a canon ball. Tearing up droids was fun, but I knew I had to act fast. And fast I did, I saw escaping prisoners heading for the hanger, so I followed. Droids swarmed all over, and I knew I was no match for an army alone. So when I saw a group with one of those mandalorians I joined up.

  Unfortunately, by the time I got there the mandalorian had already left the group, but I was still going to join up.

  "Hrrrawr rawr!!!" I screamed. Honestly, it was just as unintelligible to me as it was to them, but they didn't need to know that. Some kid with a gun and his friend were about to shoot me instead of the droids but I just charged past and clocked a B2 over the head. His head came off clean and it was going, going, gone! Probably somewhere on the other side of the hanger by now. Then I grabbed the arms of another, ripping them both off as I lifted it up and it struggled.

  Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

  It blocked blaster fire while I did this so it was all good. When I finished ripping them off I head butted the thing nocking its head in, mettle giving way to superior flesh.

  "What the hell is that monster?!" Screamed the kid stunned at my sudden appearance. "Shut up kid, it's on our side! Just hurry up and follow it's charge! And don't piss it off or you'll end up like those droids!" Said the older guy with a silver gun. Wonder where he got that, it wasn't something the droids carried. It didn't matter, my bowcaster was pawned off first thing, not that it reduced my 'sentence' any, or any of my other belongings for that matter.

  I saw the sheathapede parked in the corner, they were cute little work horses for what they where, but they always used overpriced interiors, that weren't worth it. I wonder if they were the predecessor to the lambda considering. So I took my improvised weapons and swung them around like nun chuks, smacking around droids as I charged towards escape.

  "What are you waiting for, follow the wookiee!" Screamed one of my new little ducklings, a group of humans. I grabbed a B1 as an improvised shield, I had gotten good at using them to handle blaster fire. It screamed as it died to friendly fire and the greatest part is it was an easily renewable resource on this battlefield. so I grabbed another and used it for the same.

  When I made it to the ship my followers quickly followed me in. But just as I finished getting up the ramp I heard a distinctive fearsome sound. coming in from the sides were two droidika that rolled in and snapped shields before I could toss my improvesed weapon at them.

  So thinking quickly I grabbed the power pack of my improvised shield, I twisted a couple of wires together, and tossed the quickly failing power pack. The droidika looked down at what fell between them, but too late. They tried to turn and roll away, but it exploded just as they dropped shields, but then the ship had it's own shields up and the ramp was closing.

  That was not the start up sequence, so I quickly made my way to the cockpit. Apparently, the kid had jumped into the pilots seat and was flipping random switches, a good way to get us all killed, the old guy was smart enough to kill half of what the other one was doing but it was clear he only had the general idea of, flip this and a ship should move. So I tossed the kid out of the seat with a indignant "hay!" and sat down.

  I quickly ran through the startup sequence, skipping things along the way. I knew it would damage the ship but the kid did that already with his half assed switch flipping. I just needed to make sure that the sequence wasn't going to kill us and override literally all the safeties. I mean, half the things he started up weren't even supposed to be possible out of sequence, I honestly wanted to know hoe he could fuck things up this bad, for science.

  But even with how messed up the startup was, I was able to get the ship ready to move. SOP for these kind of shuttles were half warm all the time in case some exec needed to go meat a mistress. I cycled the shield real quick so we weren't stuck to the floor, blaster fire bouncing off ship armor before the shield snapped back up while we were in air. Then I slammed the accelerator and we were in the black.

  I was prepared to dodge blaster fire, juking it around to the indignant squawks of my passengers, but the death donut didn't seem to notice us yet. So I just punched it heading in the opposite direction that it was, that way it would half to complete a turn first. As we swung around I could see that half the hangers on one side were on fire, battles going on throughout the ship. Still I could also see that B1s on the other side were loading up into s. To make matters worse, there were also taking off and heading for the other hangers.

  I knew when to get out of dodge, not that I wasn't already heading out. My passengers looked worried however. Considering it was only humans fighting droids with very few like myself mixed in I could only think that the fedys must have gotten a shipment fresh from some world. Poor sobs were destined to go right back into the cage, best they could hope was to die fighting. But WE needed to get out of here before those vultures realized that we weren't fellow feds.

  A sheathoped was a fast little ship and we were on our way to a recognized jump point within minutes, fast enough that only once we got there did the vultures actually realize we were escaping. Too late succors. I punched the hyper and we were seeing raindrops. Only then did I turn to my new passengers.

  'So who are you guys?' I asked, in shyriiwook because I couldn't speak basic. "It's going to attack!" Screamed the kid, only to be smacked over the head with the pistol from mr. distinguished. "He's a wookiee you imbecil. But I don't speak wookiee unfortunately." Mr. distinguished said.

  "I only speak a little, mostly 'how to use the bathroom' where is the bathroom? In shyriiwook." said Ms. prim and proper. I winced, and she noticed my wince. She gave me a small nod as she re-evaluated her level of shyriiwook.

  'I am Shynook' I said as I pointed to myself. "It's declaring us our property! Kill it!" Said the kid, I was starting to get pissed. This kid was really trying to learn why wookiees had a rep for pulling arms off wasn't he?

  "It's saying it's name, you idiot. That was a stretch and you know it. Not that it helps, we can't speak shyriiwook and I don't even know how to pronounce that. I also would not try to piss off the wookiee, I know you want to be leader, but that thing is known to pull the arms off of those it doesn't like, and I don't think it likes you." Said Ms. proper. I was starting to like Ms. proper, she clearly knew that that rep was earned, but mostly hogwash. I smiled at her and she nodded.

  "You can call me Brid! I'm the captain here!" Said the kid, he got smacked on the back of the head again. "That's whiney," "I said it was Winny! And don't call me that!" "And he's mostly harmless, but will get in as much trouble as he can if you don't keep an eye on him. Same with his friend max over there. I'm Ber, that's Fiz, and I never did get the name of this lovely lady." Said Mr distinguished.

  "Sagrelev Zerropel, but you can call me Lev, or 'festival cake' if it's easier on you?" Said Lev. 'Really? Festival cakes sweatness? I know you don't know anything, but please, don't try, you're hurting yourself.' I said. She seamed to nod and smile to herself self satisfied.

  Then the droid woke up.

  "Hi! I am J4-P3 protocol droid for Fast Turnover." We screamed, it screamed as we pointed weapons at it. "Oh my, am I being robbed, are you pirates? Do I have to serve your pirate crew? I always dreamed this would happen, I know plenty of space shanties, I have pre-recorded 5 million 3 hundred..." 'Shut up droid' I stated.

  "Oh my, I've known you for mere moments and I am already being disparaged, we are off to a good start!" Stated J4. 'yup, you're jape from now on, also, yay you can speak shyriiwook'.

  "Oh yes, I speak 10 million..." 'Nope, I only care about shyriiwook and basic right now. Tell them I'm Shynook, specifically to festival cake over there! And that I'm willing to give her private lessons in shyriiwook any time.' I stated.

  "Oh, well, he says that you that he is shynook, and that he will give festival cake private lessons in shyriiwook any time she wants." Said jape.

  "Who's festival cake?" Asked the kid, but I could already see her blush, though she didn't seem to mind the private lessons.

  We were off to adventure and it was a great start! At least till the B1s activated and nearly killed us in our sleep, but that's another story!