When Amy woke up, it was to the sound of tapping coming from the kitchen, a constant rhythm repeating over and over. After getting dressed for the day, she headed into the kitchen. A gnce at the microwave revealed that it was still 6 a.m. Eli stared at the clock absently while tapping a rhythm on the table.

  “Eli, What are you doing?”

  “....”

  “Eli!”

  “Huh? Oh, good morning Amy.”

  “Don’t you good morning me. Have you been sitting there all night?”

  “No, I just got up early that’s all,” Eli said while he nursed a cup of coffee in his hands.

  Amy stared at him momentarily before she walked to the coffee machine to pour herself a cup.

  “Eli”

  “Yeah?”

  “This coffee is cold. The machine isn’t even turned on. How long have you been sitting there?”

  Eli looked towards the fridge instead of Amy as he muttered a response, “4 a.m.”

  “Really?” Amy said while staring at Eli, her hand pced on her hip while her tail whipped back and forth. “Why do I not believe you?”

  “Okay, I didn’t sleep st night. Happy?”

  “No. Why didn’t you go to sleep?”

  Eli saw the look of concern in her eyes. Why did she care so much? God, he was just a nuisance again. Why did he insist on wasting everyone’s time? Amy shouldn’t have to look after him. He was a man, damn it, a manly man just like his father told him to be. Eli quickly rose from his chair and headed to his room. After he retrieved his things, he quickly headed for the door, not even bothering to change out of yesterday’s clothes.

  “Eli, where are you going? We were having a discussion.”

  “School, I need to get some studying done.” Eli opened the door and started heading down the hall

  “Eli, it’s the first week of school. What studying? You need to talk about these things.”

  “Sorry, got to go.” After that, Eli rounded the corner and was out of Amy’s sight.

  “Hah, I swear, why do the new girls have to be so difficult.”

  ______________________________________________________________________________

  After arriving at the school, Eli quickly made his way to css. Thursdays were art css. He couldn’t figure out why art was a prerequisite css in the first year instead of an elective course in the second year. As he got to the cssroom, he was unsurprised to find it locked at 6:45 a.m. So Eli sat down against the wall beside the door and waited.

  After a few moments, Eli started tapping, anything to keep him from thinking about the nightmares, just some form of rhythm or stimution to keep his mind preoccupied. However, that didn’t st for long as he quickly paced back and forth in front of the door, checking to see if it was locked every five minutes. This pattern repeated for about half an hour before Eli could hear footsteps coming down the hall.

  “Well, aren’t you eager for art css.”

  Eli, looking down the hall, could see a person? Dressed in a nice form-fitting suit, the person seemed very androgynous. Eli honestly had no idea what this person was. What freaked him out, though, was the complete ck of features. It was like a marble statue come to life, with no discernable eyes or mouth, nothing but a bnk ste where a face should be. The only difference was that the person wasn’t made of marble. It was a bright white material with a shiny finish, almost like they were made out of pearl. While a little freaked out by this, Eli still had the common courtesy of stepping out of the way as the person approached and unlocked the door.

  “What is there something on my face?”

  “Um… uh… No?”

  Eli was trying not to stare but found this person utterly fascinating. How did they survive? Were they made out of some form of stone material? How did they eat? How did they see? So many questions were spinning around Eli’s head that he couldn’t stop staring. Various theories kept whirling inside Eli’s head when the person before him started to ugh.

  “Hahaha, I guess you have never seen a null before?”

  “A Null? No, but I have read about various forms that certain Xenos individuals have assumed before that have a bias towards neither sex but rather ck all forms of distinct secondary sexual traits.”

  “Wow, sounds like you read that right out of an old science textbook from twenty years ago.”

  Eli could only look away in embarrassment as he had read that in an old textbook that he had kept hidden away in his room back home, his only real way to research Xenos individuals without his parents finding out. There was an exit for the central air system in his closet back home. The grate on it was only attached with two screws. Behind the grate was where he had kept his most prized and secret possessions.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude.”

  “No worries. I always expin what I am to new students as well as on the first day. For now, I am Professor Cyton, and I use They/Them.”

  “Okay, sorry again professor.”

  “Enough of that. So, what were you doing outside my cssroom at this ungodly hour? My csses normally don’t start until 10 a.m. on Thursdays. Well, my csses only start at 10 a.m. on days that end with the letter Y, so…”

  “Just really looking forward to css, you know, just really excited for art.”

  “Why don’t you come in and we have a chat? Alright?”

  “Are you sure? I don’t want to waste your time if you are busy.”

  “Student what’s you name and pronouns?”

  “Why do my pronouns matter?”

  “They are very important to those whose pronouns don’t align with what they appear to be.”

  “Huh, oh yeah, I met a guy who said they used they/them at the party the other day.”

  “Wow, okay, either you are in the dark when it comes to this topic or are being intentionally crass in front of a non-binary teacher that is responsible for your mandatory art credit.”

  “No, no, I didn’t mean to be rude. I’m so sorry. I am. I just know basically nothing when it comes to this gender stuff. I had to stay clear of it at home, so I avoided the topic like the pgue.” Eli said this while waving his hands back and forth. This was the first time he had met this teacher, and he was already making a terrible first impression. God, why was he such a fuck up? Why could he never get these things right?

  “Hahaha, do not worry I’m just having some fun with you, first things first, name and pronouns.”

  “Um... it’s Elliot Rivers, though I prefer to use Eli. Oh and he/him.”

  “Oh, and why would that be?”

  “I don’t know. It has always felt really uncomfortable as if it just doesn’t fit me. It’s just so stuffy and formal. I hate it.”

  “I see. Well, first, I forgive you for that slip-up, Eli. For the future, a non-binary person, when being referred to, is a person unless they specify otherwise, but back to the original topic. Follow me.”

  At this, Eli visibly rexed. He was safe, for now, as he followed the professor into the cssroom. The room was rather rge, with around 10 - 12 meter ceilings. The cssroom definitely had students of varying sizes in mind, or they had rge projects in mind when the room was built, probably a mix of both. Once Eli sat across from the professor at their desk, Eli couldn’t help but squirm a bit as he waited for the professor to say something.

  “Alright, back to what we were discussing earlier. It is still only 7 a.m., and css doesn’t start for another 3 hours. The only reason to be here this early is to escape from something, work on a project, or hang out. From how nervous you were pacing in front of my cssroom, we can rule out the third option. Based on it being the first css of the year, you can’t possibly have a project to work on. So, Eli, what are you running from?”

  Eli sputtered in response to this as he tried to look at the art around the room instead if his teacher. “n… noth.”

  “Don’t even think about saying nothing. I know that something is bothering you young man.”

  At the word man, Eli twitched slightly. He still didn’t know why that word always made him feel weird. Maybe something to do with his father. That must be it.

  “Haaah, I just don’t want people worrying about me, I know that I am already a big enough pain in the ass already.”

  “And where exactly did you get that idea.”

  “I don’t know, I just know, I see it, people have to change things for me all the time, make time for me, go out of their way for me, all I ever do is end up forcing people to waste their time on me and I hate it. I hate that I am so incompetent that people have to go out of their way for me.”

  “Wow. alright, have you ever considered therapy?”

  “Yeah, like I can afford that.”

  “What do you mean? The government funds healthcare dedicated to maintaining your mental health.”

  “Father told me that it was all a scam, just a bunch of pseudoscience milking people for money.”

  “Have you ever considered your father was a liar?”

  “No, he can’t be a liar, don’t call him that, he’ll know, he always knows.”

  “Eli I can tell that you have some deep seated trauma, you should really see the campus counselor, they can make sure you get the help you need.”

  “You don’t understand, I can’t risk him finding out.”

  “You can’t let your life be dictated by one man.”

  “Don’t worry, once I turn 18 next summer, I can finally escape from him.”

  Over the next couple of hours, the professor talked with Eli about more mundane topics and discussed the various pieces of art scattered around the room and some strewn across the art department. Once they returned from their exploration of the art department, it was 9:30, and students had started to trickle in. With that, the professor returned to their desk, telling Eli to find a seat.

  What surprised Eli most was when Rachel walked in and sat at the easel beside him.

  “Hey Rachel, I don’t want to sound too forward here, but I am gd that I have at least one acquaintance in my year.”

  “Acquaintance, really? And here I thought we were friends also I’m not in my first year, I’m in my third.”

  “Why are you here then? And how are you in my English css?”

  “Spent too much time in first year making out with girls and failed the css. As for being in the art room, anyone is free to drop in and participate as long as they don’t take a seat away from someone who has css that period and as long as they aren’t a nuisance. Amy sent me a text cause she was worried about you.”

  “Why? And how did you know I was here?”

  “One, because she cares about you, and two, she has your schedule memorized. She doesn’t have the best grades but somehow memorizes small things like people’s schedules. I will never understand that girl.”

  “Why does she worry about me so much? She has only known me for three days. It doesn’t make any sense.”

  “I mean it’s not hard to see why, she thinks you are cute, and you accepted her when you found out she was your roommate. It is less common nowadays there are still some people that hate trans people for no reason.”

  “Trans? What’s that? It has come up a few times, but I keep forgetting to look it up.”

  Rachel turned towards Eli, now staring at him wide-eyed. “No. I refuse to believe this. There’s no way that you don’t know what trans is. Seriously it’s 2074 how in the name of all that is holy do you not know this, this is pretty fundamental stuff.”

  “Every time it would come up at home, or anything adjacent to the topic. My father would get really mad and start ranting and raving, one time he even started throwing stuff, saying that the world is going to shit and that he should have stayed in the UISA.”

  “Wait he comes from the south, no wonder you father is such a piece of shit, did you know it is still illegal to be queer there?”

  “Holy shit. I knew that things were bad in the south for queer people, but I didn’t know they were that bad.”

  Their conversation ended as the professor rose from their chair and addressed the css.

  Rachel leaned over and whispered to Eli, “Here, give me your phone number. I will text you some good sources, and you can do some research tonight.”

  “Alright thanks.”

  ______________________________________________________________________________

  The css that day was actually enjoyable. While Eli had no experience with art, they spent the first half of the css with introductions and some fundamental theory. Still, in the second half, they were just free to draw. At the same time, the teacher walked around and made small talk, giving advice and some occasional compliments. Still, it was what Rachel was doing that blew him away. On her phone was a picture of Amy standing in front of one of the cherry trees near the gym building; it was so lifelike, Eli could see all the details brought to life, every line and crevasse. It was the best piece of art he had ever seen.

  After school, Eli slowly opened the door to the apartment and didn’t see Amy. Eli quickly made himself a sandwich before dashing into his room and locking the door behind him. He did not want to deal with Amy after this morning. She shouldn’t have to worry over him that much. Eli booted up his computer and loaded up one of his favourite games, Everest. It was a game about climbing a mountain, a weird mountain for sure, with all sorts of magic and stuff. You merge with your alter ego at one point, unlocking a double dash. No one ever talked about the game for some reason, but Eli couldn’t get enough of it. The idea of facing your fears and overcoming them was really appealing. Eli even had the pendant that the game’s creator sold as merchandise.

  Eli could hear Amy return around 1:00 a.m., but Eli went silent. Amy tried to open the door a few times, but Eli had ensured it was locked tightly. Eventually, she gave up and went to bed. Eli still waited for half an hour before getting back to the game.

  ______________________________________________________________________________

  Friday was much worse than the day before. He was going on two days without sleep. His ck of sleep had started to catch up with him. The css that day was called You-genics and went into detail regarding Xenos individuals and understanding them and their powers. Usually, Eli would be enthralled by all of this, but he could barely follow along and little more than that. When Eli returned from school, Amy tried to talk to him about how tired he was and what was wrong. But he managed to fend her off and retreat to his room, pying video games all night.

  Saturday passed by in a blur. Eli stayed locked in his room, living off the small amounts of food he had brought when he first moved in. He only left his room for bathroom breaks and to grab coffee.

  By the time Sunday rolled around, Eli had not slept since Wednesday night and was barely functioning. The only thing keeping him going was the fear of what might happen should he fall asleep, cold showers and caffeine, lots and lots of caffeine.

  As the clock struck 9 p.m., Eli found himself on his third carafe of coffee, a testament to his desperate struggle to stay awake. He had abandoned the pretense of pouring it into mugs, opting to drink straight from the pot. With a bone-chilling click, Amy stormed into his room, lockpicks in hand, just as he was about to immerse himself in another game. Over the past few days, Eli had been evading her, but Amy’s concern was greater than her care for his privacy or shame.

  “Alright, Eli, enough is enough. You are going to tell me what is going on with you, and I’m not leaving until I get a satisfactory answer,”

  “I’m fine Amy, don’t worry.”

  “Don’t you give me that! I know you are not fine. Something is wrong. You are not sleeping. For crying out loud, you are drinking coffee right out of the pot right now. How much coffee have you had today?”

  “This is the 3rd pot.” Eli was mostly mumbling his words at this point.

  “Do you hear yourself? You are barely conscious. You need to sleep, Eli.”

  “I can’t, not again. I can’t go back there, Amy.”

  Amy quickly crossed the room and scooped Eli up into a hug.

  “Why don’t you tell me about it? I’m a good listener.”

  “I don’t want to burden you with my mundane problems. You probably have more than enough problems on your pte between school and your position as Queer Chancellor.”

  Amy looked down at Eli with a smile as she lowered him to the bed. Speaking softly to him. “The Queer Chancellor is the head of The Society, I’m only a senator.”

  “Forgive me, oh gracious senator.”

  “Eli, you are not being a burden. I’m in my third year at this school. Most of my csses are online, and the rest are through volunteer work in a counselling setting, which The Society counts as until the second semester when we are back to in-css learning, so I’m not busy most days. Besides, I care about you, Eli.”

  “Why, I’m just some nobody you have known for only a week. I don’t deserve your kindness. You should just leave me alone. I’m not worth your time.”

  “Oh no, we are not going down this rabbit hole. I can choose to care about whoever I want, Eli. Nobody has to prove their worth for people to spend time on them. Besides, I can tell that you need help. I can help, so I will. Plus, you’re cute.”

  “Mintocute,” Eli could only mumble a response while looking away from Amy.

  “Pardon?” Amy smiled down at Eli, who could only roll over to face the wall in response.

  “I said, I’m not cute. Why do you keep calling me that? I’m a guy. Guys aren’t cute.”

  “We are getting off-topic. I’m here to make sure you get to sleep.”

  “I can’t go back there Amy. Every time I go there, I die. It is always slow and painful. I can’t do it, not again.”

  “Why don’t you tell me about it?” Amy said as she sat on the bed beside Eli, slowly rubbing his back and her wing slowly extending and wrapping around Eli.

  Over the next half hour, Eli went into surprising detail regarding the vivid nightmares he had been having, the monsters, the pain, and the ever-present cabin. At some point, Amy y down beside Eli and hugged him from behind. Eli wanted to protest but feared that Amy would see him blushing as he enjoyed being the little spoon. The feeling of safety, of being held in her arms and the subtle warmth that she seemed to emanate felt so right. After Eli had expined everything and the conversation died down, Amy began to sing a soft melody that Eli did not know. At that point, everything overflowed. The exhaustion, the fear, and the paranoia were just too much. Eli cried, really cried. The total apathy seemed to peel back for the first time in what felt like forever as he let everything out. Time seemed to drag on after that, and at some point, Eli drifted off, too tired and emotionally exhausted to stay awake. Amy pulled him closer and wrapped her other wing around him, a slight smile blossoming on Eli’s sleeping face.

  There were no nightmares that night, just a feeling of warmth and a gentle softness.