Serene Thoughtlessness
Kai had no memory of reaching his home, the human palace or his Sector 451-F. In the levitation shaft, his skin pricked unpleasantly, a sensation akin to penance: it was painful, but deserved. That was what sobered him.
"And what are you afraid of, Kai? It's not your dream, and in our fair society you can't be punished for it. True, it was necessary to convey its contents to the guard. But the dreamer was already dead, so it's all right," the voice of reason in Kai's head sounded as convincing as ever. "And you didn't realise that dumb animals dream too. You just weren't prepared for such an abrupt dream. Anyone in your shoes would have run away, for we are all weak. Just recite the Litany of Humility before you go to sleep." Kai shook off the invisible dust on his robe and wandered to his room.
The palaces of the races were the Lords' gift to their lesser brethren - generous, thoughtful, like everything They did. The palaces not only earned their name, but surpassed it, but all must be beneficently modest, even the buildings. Hulks of black stone towered above the streets with grandiose straight walls. Kai sometimes envied the inhabitants of the upper sectors: what a view they had between the clouds! Even if they had to endure the pinching of the levi-shafts for the longest time.
The rising sun streamed through the right window between the doors, casting golden streaks across the black corridor, and dust danced in them. Kai wondered if these wide windows on both sides were designed to allow to enjoy sunsets and sunrises, light at the mercy of Darkness. How wise the Glorious Lords are!
The palace talking wall whispered the Mantra, ‘You serve the Darkness...’ as Kai walked past it. "You do serve the Darkness, Kai. You are weak, but the Darkness will forgive. You are dark, Kai. You are loyal. Calm down!" the voice of reason continued in Kai's mind, not giving up trying to talk Kai into calming down. He was already approaching his room number 1138 when Arn came out of the next door.
"Fruitful service, Arn," Kai greeted him.
His neighbour in room 1139, the keeper of the artifacts was already at the age when one could determine that he was a man. Or a completely ugly old woman. But Kai knew it was a man. He still remembered Arn hitting him in the men's toilet, knocking out a baby tooth, when young Kai blurted something out loud in there. It was the women's toilet that buzzed like a flock of crows, but the men's toilet was silent, an unbreakable tradition like the palace walls. Since then, Kai had always been afraid of his neighbour and tried to talk to him as little as possible, even outside the toilet.
"Yes, yes, and the same to you," the neighbour muttered as he walked past, but something in him stopped him and made him look at Kai, changing his expression. "You're a dream reader, aren't you, Kai?"
"Not a full-fledged one, I'm still learning," Kai stopped, tense.
He didn't like Arn's attention at all. Arn's gaze was strange - disturbing and somehow... Kai had a hard time figuring out what it was that was bothering him more: the way Arn kept his hand in his pocket, or his gaze. Though his tattoo ran across his eyes, between the canyons of his wrinkles, it always gave the impression of being deep in serious thought.
"So the shard of dream has already taken root in you? Do you sleep comfortably on your back?" Arn asked solicitously, his face unchanged. "Neck artefacts are always finicky."
Even this formal politeness touched Kai. He remembered that the man in front of him was his neighbour, the closest person to him since he'd started living an adult life at ten Autumn.
"Thank the Lords, all is well," Kai reported cheerfully.
"Well thanks, thanks..." Arn quickly lost interest in the conversation and continued on his sullen way.
After a short hesitation, Kai called out to his neighbour:
"Arn! Are you alright? If anything, remember the Litany of Serenity: "Thoughts give birth to lies. Thoughtlessness is power..."
Arn turned around sharply and, quickly turning back to Kai, lowered his voice to an almost blasphemous whisper:
"I have everything under control, Kai," Arn said, clutching his amulet of loyalty so that his knuckles turned white, his other hand remaining in his pocket. "What happened to you? I thought servants, even novices, were supposed to be balanced, and you look like you've been drained of blood to start the feast."
"I'm just a little tired," Kai forced out, his voice shaky.
Arn squinted his eyes, as if examining Kai's insides. The silence lengthened, and Kai faltered, his gaze shifting to the streaks of light in the corridor. There was no point in telling Arn anything, or anyone for that matter...
"I had a strange dream from dragon blood," Kai said, not knowing why or why his mouth was uttering those words. They sounded too firm, as if they had burst from some indistinct part of his mind. "There was destruction and enmity. It scared me, that's all..."
Luckily, he shut up in time and didn't blurt out that the destruction was happening in the City. The worst kind of dream is a rebellious one. Arn frowned, his eyes seeming to go deeper into his tattoos:
"Dragon blood dream, you say? Yes, they often make dreams vivid, strange and scary. Never mind, young servant. Dreams are mostly meaningless shadows, you should know that," Arn's look did not match his reassuring words. "But this isn't the place to talk, disturbing everyone," Arn cast a glance at the corridor, which Kai noticed was empty except for the two of them. "We'll talk in the evening, okay?"
With those words, Arn resolutely went about his business. Kai stood looking after him. Not only the dream, but this conversation was strange. The whole day was coloured by strangeness, and it had only just begun. So much fruitful service ahead... Kai stepped into room 1138, closed the door, and leaned against the cold wall.
His room - three modest paces wide, four long - contained a narrow bunk with a thin mattress and a hard pillow, all to strengthen the spirit. A narrow locker with tools and spare robes fit between the wall and the bed's footboard. Kai often savoured its iron lines, which from the bed seemed like a goofy face. As his first parent had taught him, ‘It's important to find joy in the little things.’ But now even that joy seemed distant and dim.
Through the walls came the hum of levi-shafts, and odourless air blew from holes in the ceiling. There was no window (sunlight softens the spirit), instead a thick crystal on the wall illuminated Kai's dwelling with a calm, cold light. It also muttered: ‘Happy is the one who doesn't ask...’ common messages through the ether. Against the wall opposite the bed was a table and chair, also strengthening the spirit. Above the table, holes in the wall gaped darkly for food, water, letters, and reward badges (Kai was not spoiled by either). His bug-mush and water cubes were already waiting for him, but Kai didn't feel like eating.
Opposite the door on the wall hung a large mirror. Kai's reflection in it showed the real Kai's thumbs on his hands, which meant the ultimate appreciation of his appearance.
"Little Kai looks great! To a full day of fruitful service," the reflection said cheerfully, its smile as perfect as that of the Voice of The Truth in the frescoes. But then it looked at the original's face and tilted its head thoughtfully. "Why is Kai upset? How has your time been and how do you feel (oh, that sympathetic mirror)?"
"Was on the dragon tearing. Met Arn on the way. Remember I told you about my opinion of him?" Kai lay back on his bed and tiredly covered his eyes.
"Kai must remember that stress interferes with service. Would Kai like to listen to the Litany of Serenity or the Litany of Balance or the Litany of Steadfastness or the Litany of Loyalty or..."
"Yes, sing the Litany of Steadfastness," Kai asked.
"Kai had made the right choice!"
Soothing words flowed through his room, enveloping his tenant:
?My will is Dark,
Darkness — my mark.
Doubt is a poison,
Obedience is chosen.
Darkness sprouts, light spurns.
Fear teaches, courage burns.?
Kai listened, trying to absorb the meaning of the right words, but felt only a deafening emptiness inside. He suddenly remembered his first parent's lullaby:
Sleep, my child, dream not of flight — the fall is pain,
Darkness guards you, only stillness soothes the strain.
Sleep, my child, serve the boot that grips your breath,
Praise your Lords — their glory sanctifies your death.
If you hear a whisper drifting through the night,
It is but the wind — false herald of lost light.
If you see a teardrop glisten on the stone,
Look away — rebellion sleeps in grief alone.
This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it
Kai squeezed his loyalty amulet so hard he could feel the sigil of impeccability on it, there was no way in heaven Kai wanted to lose it. "You're probably just overworked. The beast is dead. The Lords are with us. All is well," he thought.
Kai squeezed his loyalty amulet so hard he could feel the sigil of impeccability on it, there was no way in heaven Kai wanted to lose it. "You're probably just overworked. The beast is dead. The Lords are with us. All is well," he thought.
He lay on the bed for a while longer, but soon got up - it was enough to take time away from the service. Kai swept his part of the corridor, scraping dust from cracks in the black stone. Without chewing, he swallowed a cube of mush and washed it down with a cube of water. The water was a joy, too: not only was it pleasant to drink by itself, but it washed away any legs and wings from the bug's porridge.
In the common toilet he washed himself surrounded by silent men who kept their eyes down, their tattoos of loyalty glistening from the water. Yes, it was right to be silent in the men's toilets - nothing to distract from thoughts of service, and the water gurgled pleasantly. Returning, Kai put on a fresh mantle and stepped to the door. His reflection showed a thumbs up, but he didn't respond to its wishes. Time to go to the Institute.
When Kai stepped out of the human palace, the City greeted him with a contrast of light and shadow. Rays of sunlight cut through the dark streets. Was this, too, intended by the Lords to emphasise the philosophy of Darkness and light? The talking walls whispered Litanies and Mantras. Their familiar, soothing voices were interwoven with the sound of footsteps, the creaking of wagons and the snorting of nullcorns.
There was an alley of horror statues near Kai's palace, which he always tried to avoid. But this time, because of his gloomy mood, he didn't notice he was in it. Fractured human figures with twisted faces and twisted shapes were intertwined with each other, sometimes a statue of a person was split into several pieces scattered between other statues, such as the statue Kai called ‘Mother’ to himself. The stone woman was desperately reaching for the stone baby so that her body was tearing. Her vertebrae were stretched, her muscles were out of her body, but she was still crawling towards her child with desperation on her face. Or maybe it was just his imagination drawing what seemed appropriate. Kai tried to unfocus his gaze and avert it from anything stony. It was an undignified cowardice, as statues of horror should be fear-inspiring, but he couldn't help himself.
The depersonalised were streaming down the street. Of course, where could they be without them? Wrapped in grey rags, with round, smooth heads and glass-ball eyes, they glided through the streets, performing monotonous tasks, such as sweeping the streets or carrying crates at the behest of the guards of harmony. It was the Lords' mercy to relieve unfortunate humans of the burdens of personality and the tyranny of the mind, making them happy in simple submission. For not all of the people were fortunate enough to be born fit for fruitful service, and some were generally dangerous to themselves and others.
The City was buzzing with the Feast of Renunciation. Fresh posters had already appeared on some walls, calling for joyful self-denial. Processions stretched through the streets, and children's voices could be heard chanting the Litany of Renunciation. Everyone showed Unity even in their outward appearance, which made it a little difficult to tell people apart, but fortunately the amulets of loyalty around their necks told everyone what they needed to know.
The dragon's bones were red, but the air still smelled of iron, and the guards of harmony were handing out goblets of blood to all who wished to drink. Nearby, children of all races except the etherites were drawing blood on the pavement. There were a few adults among the humans who had lived more than ten autumns, and Kai pressed his lips together disapprovingly - he didn't do that sort of thing even in a fifth autumn.
The Institute loomed behind the square, a black citadel-style building with spires that seemed to claw into the sky. For a fraction of a moment, he thought the building was looking at him. And smiling. Kai adjusted his amulet and stepped inside, feeling a prick in his spine as the shard of dream came to life, anticipating service.
Inside, the Institute was overwhelming in its majesty and perfect symmetry. The dark columns went to the ceiling, lost in the shadows. Only the huge stained glass windows in the high arches added a little variety to this grandiose space. All of them depicted the glorious deeds of the Glorious Lords, their triumphs and their care. The light pouring through them coloured the floor scarlet and purple. Such beauty sometimes brought tears to Kai's eyes.
In the lobby, as always, sat the watcher, a lilim dressed in a thick black leather suit. His face was covered by a mask resembling a human skull, with long tubes that allowed him to breathe and keep his spores under control. Of his entire body, the only things visible were his completely green eyes with black speckled dots and the green skin around them beneath the glass of the mask.
Kai showed him his amulet in passing, and the lilim, waving his hands in far-reach gloves, opened the massive doors in front of him.
The first lesson was a history lecture. Book, the depersonalised-narrator, stood in the centre of the classroom and monotonously repeated his knowledge. Kai fidgeted in his spirit-strengthening chair, trying to memorise every word, otherwise he would have to borrow the larva of knowledge, and he didn't like letting sticky and cold tendrils in. But listening to the emotionless voice and not falling asleep was difficult. The neighbour to his right cast a disapproving glance at Kai. Kai clutched the amulet of loyalty in his hand.
"The false heroes of the past betrayed the world," the book said. "They believed in light, a lie that promised freedom, but in fact led to destruction. Aeliselis, that young fool, was their leader. He had raised his sword against the dark lords, willing order to burn in the flames of chaos.
Kai remembered the statue of Aeliselis that stood in the southern part of the City, at the feet of the Guardian of Darkness. A boy with his head down, a broken sword at his feet, and the Lord towering over him like a judge.
"The Great War of Darkness and light was a tragedy," the book voice continued. "The fanatics of light wreaked chaos, war and destruction. They rejected order, rejected the Darkness that brings unity and salvation.
Chaos, war, destruction? His dragon dream crept into Kai's mind again. Dragons live long lives, and the morning beast may well have witnessed The Great War of Darkness and light. Or was it just wishful thinking? No, how silly - only the sentient ones dream. Forget this dream quickly.
"Aeliselis was blind. He led armies, destroyed cities, killed those who sought peace. But the Darkness is merciful. He came to his senses and saw the truth, proving that there are seeds of Darkness in bright individuals. He betrayed his allies, begging the Lords for forgiveness. Thus began an era of order."
Kai looked around - the other students sat like statues, heeding the words of truth. Not a whisper, not a glance. Just open eyes and steady breathing. He envied their collectedness.
"There were other false heroes whose names have been erased. They called themselves saviours, but their light brought only pain. One of them, whose name is not given, swore to destroy the Dark Lords. He built an underground tower as an insult to the spires of the Lords, but ascended into the cursed heavens when he realised his folly. His bones lay beneath the Temple of The Truth as a lesson in humility.
Kai felt a prick in his spine, a shard of dream coming to life, as if responding to the words.
"The Lords saved us," the book came to an end. "They brought the Darkness that extinguishes the light. They gave us artefacts to serve. They are our truth."
The disciples repeated in chorus, ‘They are our truth.’
When Kai stepped out into the dark corridor after the lecture, he was as unsettled as if he had just woken up. No, the service would not be fruitful with such a mood. He almost missed the moment the air thickened, but fortunately, he noticed everyone around him bowing in time. The Great Mentor strode across the patterned stone floor, his black cat-like figure towering over the tallest disciples and his eyes burning like embers in the night. The hem of His black robe with high collars fluttered with movement.
No one dared to look up. Kai bent down, feeling his neck artefact tormenting his spine, and the amulet around his neck was suddenly as heavy as a lazybone's medal. It seemed to Kai again that the Lord's eyes were imprinted on his body. But enough time had passed to know for sure that the Lord was gone. Kai exhaled a breath. "You were afraid the Mentor would notice you - but why? You're nobody, just a servant. It's all right. You just wound yourself up like that. Fear is not the most important virtue in service, Kai."
Kai stepped into the Artifanika hall, where in niches along the walls, protected by chains-artifacts, were kept artifacts teaching aids - crystals, gloves, amulets. He clutched his amulet of loyalty and sat down at his desk. When mentor artificer entered the classroom, the students jumped up from their seats. The mentor raised his hand, his eyes burning with holy fanaticism as always.
"The Litany of Gratitude," his voice cut through the rustle of robes.
The voices merged in the Litany honed by the autumns:
?O Glorious Lords, so dread and dire,
Your gifts — artifacts, wrought of dark fire.
Relics of power, forged in Night,
They quell the blaze of blinding light.
In them Your will, Your wrath, Your flame,
In them — Your name, Your triumph’s theme.
True magic springs from You alone,
No lesser hands may claim its throne.
Through sacred boons, we serve, we bow,
In Darkness’ embrace, salvation we vow.
Without You—void, a barren dust,
Your mercy binds our fate, our trust.?
Kai also sang these words, and he thought he heard a new and beautiful meaning in them. He felt relieved that he had not yet been accused of non-delation, and was ready for fruitful service.
"Sit down. We have practice now," the artificer commanded.
Several depersonalised and krumbirs began to bring in the bodies of the prisoners whose depersonalisations had been postponed just for this practice. The body of a criminal was dumped on Kai's desk, their eyelids fluttering under the effects of the potion. Kai couldn't determine the prisoner's gender, but he realised they were younger than he was. Catching himself looking at the teaching aid, Kai dismissed those foolish thoughts - he decided to compensate for his morning doubts with the intensity of his service. Touching the temples of the soon-to-be depersonalised, Kai felt a tugging prick in the vertebrae where his shard of dream was located, and immediately a dream rushed in.
Kai saw endless hills, over which the wind waves moved. A dark blue sky enveloped this dream, with the wind churning clouds on it. It was a strange sight... Kai had only heard of nature, while this prisoner had either seen it or had a good imagination. Now it was clear why they would be depersonalised - the sin of imagination brings the greatest suffering.
Kai returned to the classroom and flinched when he saw his mentor in front of him, who leaned in and brought his face close to his.
“Quick entrance,” Artificer praised Kai and straightened up. "What did you see?"
"I saw..." Kai was about to say “a dream of freedom”, but something stopped him. He looked at the young face. The dream of freedom meant the Song of Ash. Kai hadn't thought about it before, but now his morning dream... This dream was about outright rebellion, the Song of Ash was not going to cut it." Of course, it wasn't his dream, but he didn't report it. Arn's words came to mind: ‘Dreams are mostly meaningless shadows’. And that's what determined the fate of Kai's prisoner. "...I don't even know how to describe it," Kai lied. "Emptiness, Darkness, perhaps a dream of womb."
The mentor nodded contentedly and stepped back to another student. Kai hid his hands under the table so no one would notice them trembling. He had tricked his mentor without even knowing why. The mentor, of course, couldn't enter the same dream and verify his words. The depersonalisation of his prisoner would be pushed back to see if they had reformed, if their crimes were only thoughtcrimes. But then they would be brought back for the next practice, and there was no chance they would be given to Kai again.
Kai was boiling in the cursed heavens he'd set up for himself. Not anguish, but something deeper squeezed his chest. The green valley was now added to the crumbling City.
A loud bang outside brought Kai out of this state. An explosion? Destruction? Like in his dream. The bang was followed by frantic screams. The mentor approached the stained glass windows and ordered the students to approach them as well.
Through the red glass, Kai saw black smoke, shards of crystal, and bodies of people. Dozens of bodies. The wind fluttered their robes and liquid, probably blood, flooded the street. The explosion was so strong that one human flew into the talking wall, shattered it, and was stuck there. The guards of harmony had already cordoned off the place.
"The horror-bringers ," whispered a student nearby.
That was the name given to those who bring terror, who spread havoc, who destroy order.
"Yes. That's the price of chaos! That is the lie of the light!" proclaimed the mentor. "Return to your seats! Chaos does not concern the faithful!”
